It's Quite Simple Really

I've had this friend that we talk every day online and sometimes by phone.  We live about 1.5 hours away.  Either I've been in a relationship when she's been single or vice versa. Right now, she's dating an old college roommate of mine, and it's devastating to know that they're only together because I introduced them when I was dating another girl. I want to be with her terribly bad, and a few weeks ago, I told her how I felt. She said she felt the same way, so she broke up with the college roommate, and told me to visit her in Boston.  We had the most amazing weekend together finally getting to physically express what had been lying underneath for so long.  We didn't have sex, but things went fairly far. The college roommate called the same day that I left, and she decided that she wanted to be with him.  They've been on-and-off for the past 9 months, and this current stretch has been going for 3 weeks.  Because I'm still very good friends with the college roommate, we gave him a watered-down version of what happened Valentine's weekend. "We've had a crush on each other for a long time, and we talked about that possibility."  I know, I don't like lying,  I love her so completely, and it's clear to me that she's trying to change him by having him do/talk about stuff that we already share.

I don't know what it is that I'm supposed to do.  Normally I would play the "I don't give a ****" approach, move on, and let her come to me.  The problem is that I'm not sure this works when it's long distance, and well, she can forget me so easily. I think I've decided that as much as it destroys my pride, I will accept being her friend for the time being so that she knows I'm still around, but actively try to find someone else to date.

I know people will think that I'm a bad person for going after my friend's girlfriend, but really, I only did it because I know that I'm in love with her.  So yes, her love meant more to me than the college roommate's friendship, so I don't regret telling her how I feel.  I do regret, however, that we only lasted a single weekend because now it looks like I was just interested in a stupid fling, when in reality, I thought I was starting a relationship with her.

I could use some advice. Am I being too kind by staying her friend when I got screwed pretty hard? Should I just bide my time as the friend (what I'm doing now). Any advice welcome in the comments section.


22-25, M
1 Response Feb 22, 2010

I feel you should move on.. If you choose to be friends with her, that's ok too, as long as there is no hidden agenda, or ulterior motive behind the friendship. IF there is, then let go all together. <br />
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Here's another way to look at your weekend with her. She didn't break it off with your college roommate. Have no clue what she told him, but here's the something you need to think about. She cheated on him with you. She also lied to him. If she cheated and lied him, she would also do it to you... do you really want that? <br />
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Take care