Feeling Confused And Unloved. I Need Advice... Help

Hi. I'm 23 years old and pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over and year. At first everything was alright-ish we met on a dating site and talked for a while over the phone and text messaging. Then we met in person in October and everything seemed to be going alright at first a month (November) after hanging out and stuff he asked me to be his girl. I said "Yes I would love to be" even though I was really nervous about it since the year before he had gone through a divorce from someone he'd been with for five years. That made me really nervous but luckily he didn't have any kids. (Side note: We had sex multiple times whenever he came to visit me) In the end of November he kinda started to get distant ignoring texts when I sent them to him or not calling when he said that he would. About a week before the end of November he stopped getting a hold of me period I got really nervous and sent his sister a message on Facebook even though I wasn't friends with her hoping she could shed some light on the whole situation and didn't get a message back so the whole month of December I was really upset and depressed because I had really started liking him. I had agreed to help one of my really good friends out for New Years Eve, because she had gotten married a couple of months before and he was taking her to meet his family in Reno, by watching one her five year old for a couple of days. My dad called me one evening after her son had fallen asleep asking me to guess who had called and wanted me to call him back. I was really surprised and proceed to call him back on my friends phone. When he answered I didn't realize it was him and asked for him. He proceeded to ask if I didn't remember my own boyfriends voice and I replied like the smart-*** that I am "Not after over a month of hearing from him. No.". He asked if we where still together so I said "Yes" because I still liked him a little. He proceeded to tell me that he had lost his job and his cell phone got shut off which explains why I hadn't heard from him in a little while. We talked for a good forty five minutes and then he said he had to go but he would call me back. He never did. I once again didn't hear from him for a while. The very first day of February he called and he had gotten kicked out of his house so I very timidly offered to let him move in with me and my disabled father with my dads permission. My dad said it was fine as long as he could help with food and looked for a job. He could help with the food because he was getting food stamps so we let him move in. I take care of my dad hes disabled and needs a lot of help around the house which is why we live together and its easier for us to pay the bills that way. He moved in and he was helping one of his grandfather out for a while working on houses that he owned and he was getting paid for it. I started to realize he drank nightly two four locos or he'd buy a bottle and it'd last him a few days. Whenever he got really drunk he'd want to fool around which was fine with me because I love to have sex whenever possible. In March I was late for my period and I took a test and it came out positive. I was pregnant and I was slightly excited because I was in a good relationship and he had said that he loved me a few times. A couple of days after I found out I was pregnant I had a miscarriage. I was really upset and got depressed for a few months. Everything was alright during that time we where having sex a few times a week and everything between me and him was going alright. In the end of May beginning of June stuff kind of started to go sour-ish. I noticed whenever we'd fool around he would be drunk and it started to irritate me because my parents marriage my parents had my dad had drank a lot. I didn't want that for us so I asked him why when ever we fooled around, which had really slowed down the last month, he was drunk. He said it was because he felt he could do more stuff without getting nervous about it. I kinda shrugged at it because it made sense and I heard that happens sometimes when you drink. Then sex started getting far and far in between maybe twice a month if I was lucky even with me starting it. Which I had started to having to do. I was getting really depressed because he had started getting distant himself hiding out in the bedroom and watching tv back there by himself whenever he wasn't back there for long periods of time was because one of my family who wasn't my father was at my house visiting. His work with his grandfather had slowed way down and he wasn't working much anymore. My dad suggested getting a job at the state fair which was getting ready to come into town and he seemed really reluctant to do it so my dad arranged for my grandfather to give him a ride to the fair grounds since he knew the owner. I decided to go with because we needed the extra money around the house because something happened with my IHSS and I hadn't got paid in a little while. We ended up getting a job at the same booth. It was interesting to work with him. He was way more of a people person then I was and I thought it was kinda funny when the girls hit on him. One day he pointed to this girl with a hour glass figure wearing a halter top and mini shorts saying that was his usual type of girl. I kind of looked down at myself and got really depressed I am the opposite of that. I'm chubby with glasses a bit of a bookworm and shy as hell if I don't know you. That really hurt my feelings and made me sad that he would even point out something like that or say something like that making me feel like he didn't like how I looked or I wasn't his type. I ignored it the best I could for a few days then I couldn't hold him in any longer and asked him "Why he wasn't with someone like that if that's his usual type?". He proceeded to tell me because he met me and really liked me. I kinda nodded as it made since because hes not my usual type. I usually got for husky nerdy gamer guys. Hes a gamer but he's also a jock. I've never really been into jocks before so I went with it because that's kinda what had happened with him. In August my period was once again several days late so I made a appointment at Planned Parenthood after taking a couple of home tests from dollar tree without him knowing them all having come out positive. I was pregnant again. I need to get a confirmation thing from Planned Parenthood so I could apply to medical since I didn't have health insurance taking care of my dad. I had finally worked up the courage to ask for him to move out for a while so we could have a break to see if things would get better for us. I wasn't planning on telling him I was pregnant until after the first three months so I wouldn't have to worry about having a miscarriage again. We had the talk one day after he came back to grab some clothes from his grandparent's he was helping for a few days because he grandfather had fallen and needed help around his house so he was gone a couple of days. I proceeded to tell him we needed a break from each other for a while because I felt as if stuff between us had gotten to the point of maybe we couldn't live together anymore. We kind of got into a argument standing outside so I told him that I was pregnant. He said he didn't think that would be the best thing for us because we wouldn't be able to work on our problems if he wasn't here because he wouldn't be able to get into contact with me that often if he wasn't here. So I agreed to let him stay. I forgot to mention that since the middle of July we weren't even sleeping in the same bed. He was sleeping on the futon that was in my bedroom. That was also upsetting me as well. We couldn't even sleep in the same bed anymore because he claimed he couldn't get comfortable in the bed because I'm a snuggler and he totally isn't. He likes his space when hes asleep. (I forgot to say when we first got together he said he wasn't big on being affectionate which was fine with me then but the farther we gotten into the relationship I realized it was bugging me a lot because I am really affectionate) Lately stuff has been getting bad between us again. We are arguing a lot which upsets me because I'm pregnant and I don't want that kind of relationship. Lately his drinking nightly and his lack of messing around really upsets me because with my hormones raging. Lately I have been really in the mood if you get my drift and have wanted to mess around constantly. He turns me down a lot then one day I asked him why he said it was because I wasn't feminine dainty or that girly when I asked. He said I sounded like a man because I would ask "Hey do you want to fool around?" or "Want a blow job?". I really would like to break up with him but I don't want to because I want my baby to have both of his or her parent in there life and I think if I broke up with him he wouldn't be involved. Ive also been really stressing because he still doesn't have a job and it is now December and hes lived here since February and hasn't really worked except at the fair and when he said he'd help us with money from that he really didn't except for sixty dollars. I really need advice I love him a lot but he doesn't make me feel like he loves me or wants to be with me because he talks down to me a lot and ignores me not wanting to talk to me. And when he does talk to me he's never really nice about it or complaining about something that I'm doing. Please if you read this will you please give me some advice as to what I want to do. I still feel like breaking up with him because I can't deal with the stress of supporting my 27 year old boyfriend and trying to save up for our baby by myself. Please HELP!
SweetBlindedBliss SweetBlindedBliss
22-25, F
Dec 4, 2012