The Pastor's Daughter

Well, This young lady at my church used to be really close to me, we sang together, spent the night at each other's houses, whatever, we did it together. People started to think we were gay and we weren't, but.... then my feelings started to sway that way towards her. Even when she would play the piano, subconsiously, until I realized it, I would get turned on by the formation of her hands on the keys, and her veins that made her hands look a little more masculine. If she were a man, I would be her soul mate. When we were younger, she wrote a letter to me about a dream she had about her and I kissing in a hottub... but like the dummy I can be sometimes, immediately when it got to the kissing part, I wripped it up and being Christian, I told her it had to be the devil. So now we've grown up a little bit and grown apart. Mainly because as we got older, she started to gain more friends, and I felt as though she was puting me on the backburner, so I started to give her the cold shoulder, even though it broke my heart. All of a sudden, we would randomly have these talks about how she loves me and we'll always be close and those friends she gained were only there for a season. But that was about five years ago, and those friends especially this one girl she kinda grew up with, but was never as close as her and I, are even closer now. It's really annoying because I don't know where to drop the ball and move on being that she keeps coming back to me like we're still close, but never ever does she call me during the week. I only see her on sundays and she gives me a big hug and kiss on the cheek... I don't know how to withdraw my feelings that I've invested in this young lady for about ten years. I'm confused, and I'm so weak when it comes to her. Then she has the nerve to talk to me about these guys that she's dating and how she's so in love with them when she knows how I feel about her. I can't tell if she has feelings for me or not... Maybe I should move on, because if she does have feelings, the part of her being a pastor's daughter has a lot to play with her maybe not showing them. Should I move on?
Argentina Argentina
22-25, F
5 Responses Jan 10, 2008

I haven't really had a real boyfriend. The longest I've dated a man was about a month. I just get bored with them I suppose. But yeah, I'm over her now though. She's about to get married, and she's pregnant. lol So I had not choice but to move on. besides, I figured I had alot more to live for. People like you guys who are so sweet enouph to care about my problems, myself, and most of all, my creator, God.

Are you sure its romantic love you feel for her or just the friendship love that you are confusing with romantic love because thats the closest you have ever been to anyone. have you ever had a real boyfriend?

i konw wut your going though i fell in love with my best friend of 11 years and she cut me down hard. she told me that if i loved her so much then why didn't i just tell her in the first place b/c she USED 2 have fellins 4 me 2. but she didn't think i loved her back and she moved on!

yeah there's nothing more painful either when you know they don't love you back

nothings better then falling in love with another women :)