I'm In Love With Someone, Who Might Die Soon

♫ Ready, or not
I hear a clock tock-ticking away
Though I'd asked for those hands to stay,
In place.

And time, my friend
I see your face hard travellin',
Beside mine.
Etched a line,
A crease I find when my smile fades. ♫

It always feels like we're running out of time. It felt like I was running out of time before we met. For a while, I completely forgot time even existed. That was when she reminded me that she's going to have surgery. She hasn't decided if she's going the path of Lap Band surgery or if she's going to have Gastric Bypass. She's got a bad heart, and the doctors wont look into her condition until she gets this surgery, they just assume she's just 'obese.'

♫ And all you really want,
Its so clear.
All you really want,
Its so near, to you.
Well maybe what you want,
Its right here. ♫

We almost didn't happen, because she's got a kid, and I've never wanted kids. Nor have I ever wanted marriage, with anyone. But I find myself unable to help myself. I stayed away from her before we got together because it's not what I wanted, or what I thought I wanted. I thought I needed something else, but she's exactly what I need. She's so supportive, and loving. She's my world. She's what I've always wanted. I found her, and I almost let her slip away. I'd marry this girl if I could. I'd cut my heart out and give it to her if I wouldn't die. I'd help her raise her son, if that's what she wanted. I never thought I'd say something like that, never in a million years.

♫ So ready
Or not
I found a clock that I'd hid away
And I looked it straight in the face,
This time. ♫

I fell for her hard when we'd first met. All it took was a few chat lines on myspace IM. I know most people don't believe in internet relationships, they usually don't work out. Hell I never really believed in them, until her. We haven't even met in person, but we've snail mailed one another. She's gotten on cam and mic chatted me tons of times. She's been my support at my hardest times, and I've been there through her hardest moments too. It's brought us so close, and I find my heart hurting all the time. She makes me so happy, and yet I feel so sad too because I know one day, one of us will be gone. Before I knew what was happening, I asked her to be my girlfriend. Things just kind of happened.

♫ And time, my friend,
Well I'll know your face through every bend
Of the way
I'll ask you to stay and lend me your hand ♫

I've figured out how she functions and when she needs her space. I let her have whatever space she needs. I just worry about her sometimes, and I can't help it. I love her, more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. I KNOW I could never love someone like this again. I never have, and never could.

♫ And all you, want is,
Everything, beautiful.
All you, want is
Every little thing, every little dream you had. ♫

She's beautiful. Everything she does is beautiful. The way she cares so much about everyone. The way she's sweet on me, always, without fail. I can't remember one time when she's been upset with me. The way, she's a hardass to everyone else. The way she smiles, especially when she's smiling with her eyes. I haven't seen her with that light in her eyes in a few months. I know it has nothing to do with me. That girl loves me with her everything. I think maybe she's going through things that she can't tell me right now. I've been dreaming of a girl like her for so long. I use to think a girl like her was impossible and didn't exist...then we met. My heart just melts. The kindness in her, the love in her. The way she treats me, better than anyone's ever treated me before. The way I find myself treating her is...Amazing. I've never treated anyone so good. I always tell her that I'm the luckiest girl in the world. But she says 'No, you can't claim that, only I can.'

♫ All you, want is,
Everything, beautiful.
And all that you want is one day,
One day. ♫

All I want is one day with her, if that's all I can have, then I just want one day to hold her. To kiss her, to love her and just be with her. I want her to feel it, to feel me. She needs me for support right now, and I...I can't even be there, it's tearing me apart. I wish I wasn't having financial instabilities. I love her, and i can't even type this without tears running rivers down my cheeks. I never knew it would hurt this much.

♫ So ready
Or not
I hear the calm tock tickle the clock
A friend the whole way ♫

She plays calm, I know she's not ready for whatever decision she makes, that I can't choose for her. She's scared. I am too. I told her that I wasn't, but, I am, and it becomes more apparent, maybe to the both of us how scared I am.

♫ And all you really want,
Its so clear.
All you really want,
Its so near to you. ♫

I wish I was rich. No, I'm not materialistic. All I want, is to have that money to go and see her. To take care of her, get her some real doctors. I want to be able to take her on an Alaskan Cruise. I just want to spend time with her. See her smile like she use to. I miss her smile, so much. She's the only place I've ever felt like I ever belonged. It's right here, and it's slipping away. I don't want her to leave me. We've barely just begun. I know, I'll forever regret walking away from her in the beginning. We'd have had more time together.

♫ Well maybe what you want,
Its right here.
Well maybe what you want,
Its right here. ♫
LylaRocks LylaRocks
26-30, F
Jul 31, 2010