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I Think of Him Everyday

I am currently in love with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. We had a child together 6 months ago. We are very different people, but from our first date I felt that he was "the one".  The problem is that I can't get my ex out of my head. Here's the back story:

11 years ago he and I dated very briefly but it didn't really work out so we became good friends. Shortly after that I met someone else and things became very serious. I lost contact with my ex. I was with this other person for 8 years. After we broke up, my ex and I found each other again. He helped me find who I was again. He was my therapy, my strength, my best friend, my lover, for 1 1/2 years. We were never exclusive for long because I really felt that I needed to date. I also felt that he and I weren't right for each other. I didn't feel that thing...that spark. He wanted me to be sporty and I'd rather sit on the couch watching tv. We argued incessantly about silly things but never were really angry with each other. I kept looking, because I felt that something was missing. I happened to meet my current boyfriend and things took off. After a month of dating, I saw my ex while drunk and told him I loved him and thought I was making a mistake. I knew he loved me and would always come back to me. I was confused for a couple days but ultimately decided that I couldn't break it off with my current boyfriend. I said goodbye to my ex.

Fast forward to now. My ex was very hurt by my pregnancy and sent me a long letter expressing his hurt and anger. I tried to let him go. Everyday though I thought of him. I even mention him to my current boyfriend often. It's like I can't get him out of my head. A couple days ago, I ran into him at a festival when we were both tipsy. We argued, we hugged...I left feeling so sad and guilty. I can't stop thinking of him. I don't know if this is love or just me wanting attention from someone I KNOW will always give it to me. I don't even know if he would want me now that I had a child with someone else, but that is really besides the point. How can I be thinking any of this? This person never felt like "the one", I always felt like something was missing, but yet when I saw him the other day I was so happy.

 

If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it. I'm driving myself crazy thinking about all of this.

loving2 loving2 31-35 2 Responses Jul 12, 2009

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Sometimes strong attachments keep popping up. You can't help what you feel, but you can choose to make choices. I think true love is a choice you make, your never going to find "the one" I believe b/c there are many people who could be the one, but you can choose who you let be the one and stick with it and work on that relationship. I find many benefits for myself and life turns full and richer when I give like that to someone else. If happiness is your concern in love, that would be the best advice I can offer. Also, I ask God to help me too.

I've alway said, you may have more than one soulmate in life but you may not want to live with any of them. It's okay and even a blessing to love more than one person. Just accept that the strong feelings are there. Appreciate the feelings you have. Just don't do anything self destructive.