Butterflies All The Same...

About two months ago I started dating my boyfriend. It's the first relationship I have after a terrible break-up with my last boyfriend and a very long aftermath. I was the affair for about six months and never understood how he could do that to me since he always told me he loved me so much. I never understood how he could love me and his girlfriend.

Time passed, I'm in a new relationship now and I really really like this guy. He's such a sweet man and he just loves me so much... And I do too. I really do... but there's always been a girl I liked a lot. We met about a year ago and instantly became friends. She's a lesbian and since sexual orientation never mattered to me we spent a lot of time together and became very good friends. She liked me from the very beginning and I always kinda knew it...

Before I started dating my boyfriend I already knew I had feelings for both of them but she's not the relationship type and since I like them both the same and he's just soooo nice I thought **** it, who cares... just try it.

I love being together with him. I love sleeping with him and I love talking to him, but last weekend I stayed at this girls house and I cheated on my boyfriend. I do feel really bad about doing that but it felt right. I felt butterflies all the same and I would do it again... I hate myself for thinking and feeling that and it's really hard to talk about it because I know most people think that I'm the biggest ******* now. Heck I think that myself... I don't know how to express what I'm feeling right now, how to put it into words... I hate this. I hate feeling like this.

I don't want to lose him nor do I want to lose her and I just hate hate hate myself for being so ******* selfish. I keep thinking about how I felt whenever my ex did that to me. I'm nothing better than he is... and it makes me hate myself even more.

schwungvoll schwungvoll
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 15, 2010

it's too bad your lesbian friend is not BI then you could be 1 big happy *********. It's always best to tell the truth. Stop hating yourself, you'll feel better when you tell the truth.