I Just Dont Know

i odnt know what to think...i know what i want...i know how i feel, but i dont know what to think anymore. My girlfriend of over a year is the girl of my dreams. I love her so much, she makes me feel like im worth this exsistnce. That im good for something, because every chance she gets she lets me know that im loved. She for the past year, does everything possible to convince me she is mine, and that she would be crushed wthout me. She writes about it, sings about it, and tells me to my eyes she loves me. I knew in my heart that if i were to dissapear that she would be crushed, and that she would be sad. She gave me every reason to believe this, and more. Ive been faithful to mylove, never once even thinking about cheating on her. Shes done it to me more than twice, the first time i almost left but i love her so much that the idea of that just wont work for me. I need my baby in my life, and i refuse to believe that she didnt love me so i kept her. The second time i just cant understand, for the life of me i just dont get it. She told me that i was gone to much , yet i was there that mornning and i told her i loved her. She looked at me and told me the same, and it wasent like how you say it to your parents, it was a pause where we looked at each oter and felt the love for one another. She had to leave and went with her dad, so i left too. I came back the next day only to find out that not 3 hrs had gone by and she had met, talked and ****** a guybehind my back. I was absolutly devastated, not just because it sucks to be lied to in that way....but because she was my baby, my heart the only thing that matterd to me. As she confesd to cheating on me, she knew i would die inside, but she didnt care. I left her ad i tried to disapear, but i couldnt ...i couldnt breath knowing she was gone. I called her only to find out she was gone bowling....no remorse, ...shes told me she hates her mistake, and that she loves me and wats me to stay, and im happy that she does....now i can breathe, but i cant stop thinking that NOBODY would do that to someone they truly loved NOBODY, she looke dinto my eyes kiss ed meand told me she loved me, and three ours later she was ******* someone else and telling the guy how much of a loser i was while she made him ***. Shes everything to me and i find out i mean nothing to her, im just a joke , a turn on to another guy as she makes love to him and badmouths me. So like this title, i just dont know.....i just dont know anymore :(
Adamnc84 Adamnc84
22-25, M
Jul 29, 2010