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Tasting Heaven Only to Crave More..

I am in love.  I have been in love for years.  His name is Jimmie Valentine.  I call him JV.  He's all over my blogs.  Starting with the day he broke up with me... Let me start my story, when I met him 2 or 3 years back...

We met on a school bus. He found me irritating, and he was somewhat cold.  But I stuck to him.  The minute I saw him, I knew I was in love with this stranger. 
We rode that bus together for about a year, and slowly became friends.  Up until a few months ago, that's all we'd ever been. 
This year in school, I stayed with him. We shared the same friends, and sat together at lunch.  I stood behind him instead of ever sitting down.  They were all seniors but me.  I am a sophomore. 
After a few months, something happened.  I was dating his friend Tucker, and found myself not attracted to him.  During Harvest Fest, Tucker was distant, and over-protective of me.   I couldn't take it.  I was saddened by another miserable relationship.
Then JV came after Tucker left Harvest Fest.  Hanging out with him was so fun.  We cuddled and wrestled and played and it was so fun.  So wondrous to be so close and so happy.  That's when I knew I couldn't let it go on any longer. 
Monday I broke up with Tucker.  Tuesday I gathered some nerve.  And Wednesday- I asked out JV.  He said yes. 

We went out. It was perfect.  It was how I always imagined a perfect relationship. We cuddled, we played around, we talked, it was magnificent.  I loved him with all of my heart (and still do). 
Two and a half months passed.  He was my first french and my first boyfriend that I ever had such an emotional connection with.  Then- things turned bad...

I didn't see the signs, so it was terrifying.  When I opened the letter from him on my way home and read it... "I think we are better friends than a couple."  I died.  At least I thought I had, burning inside, raging with hatrid for myself.

It's been a few days.  I'm over it I suppose.  And I have concluded that I still love him.  That maybe I always will.  There has been no one like him for me.  Now all I can do is sit and be there for him.  Be his best friend, and pray that maybe one day we could be together again.  That maybe one day, he will find that love for me again.

I am so deeply in love with him.  Last night, I saw him at a Christmas party and could've died.  But by the end of the night, in his arms, I felt complete and happy, and knew that I had to continue.  I couldn't give up on him.  I have to love him, and be there for him.  If friends makes him happy, than I want him happy.  But I can only hope he sees that I would give the universe for him.  I hope that one day he sees that, and perhaps that one day, he can love me as equally as I love him...

Jannay Jannay 16-18, F Dec 22, 2007

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