I Speak But Can't Use Words

She is there all the time in my head. I thought, when the first time i met here and the first time i had to see her leave, what if. I do love her i want her in my arms all the time i know she feel s the same way too, but how can i describe what she means to me in plain English.

 

There is no way...it's not even possible there no word to express that amazing feeling i get when i here her voice the is only exmplified by her say  , "I love you." Those words makes me feel things wonderful things and yet i do not know how the describe these things. I want i really do but are there words for these feelings a word that is stronger than just love even stronger than being in love....what are they.

 

I talk to her all day and every night she calms me when I'm going insane in my own head but she also makes me nervous because i have never been attracted to anyone like her. She is the perfect combination of beautiful, funny, sarcastic, love, attraction, caring. Even if she may not see her beauty i surely do. 

 

I  think about her when I'm awake, when i sleep, all day and night and it pains me when thoughts of seeing her come to my mind because she lives so far and i long to have her in my arms every night yet all i can do is here her voice on the phone and the ultimate pain is the countdown when i know in my mine that time is running out and i must her that horrible noise the sound of her leaving, the phone being put on the receiver. Then i must lay there and the only reason i can  sleep is that i know tomorrow i will hear her voice, the voice of which i can not explain in plain, simple words can not explain the happiness it gives me. 

 

But the more i can not see her the less i sleep. Day after day of only sleeping maybe one hour and sometimes lying about it so she won't worry about me. I can tell her everything but i fear her sadness, especially if performed through my hands. Yet i still seem to cause pain through my sadness bring along a paradox. If i am sad about not seeing her she becomes sad, if she becomes sad i get even more sad because i caused this and i can't help her making me useless. 

 

I know her i feel connected to her at all times. Her past, present and future is now a part of mine. I don't ever want to lose any of these feelings even the bad ones because that would be me just a empty shell or silhouette of who i am. Sometimes i even feel like we were destined to be with one another but that's a story for another time.