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Should I Tell Her I Love Her?

I met her about 9 years ago at a community college. We quickly became friends. I’d see her during the day in class and then couldn’t wait to see her online to chat all night. She intrigued me, she fascinated me, just being around her made me happy. I looked forward to seeing her every day. I was in a relationship at the time.

One day my girlfriend called me on the phone and was very angry, she wanted to know why I hadn’t called her in 2 weeks. I was in the middle of telling her she was crazy, when I realized she was right. I hadn’t called her or seen her in over 2 weeks. The crazy part is I hadn’t even noticed. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I had fallen so madly in love with my friend, that my girlfriend completely escaped my mind. I didn’t intend for any of this to happen, but I fell in love with my friend.

I didn’t know what to do. If I told my friend that I loved her, I might ruin our friendship. I valued every minute of our friendship and I was scared that telling her the truth might destroy it. I told myself over and over “what good would it do to tell her? I have no intention of cheating on or leaving my girlfriend.”

But I couldn’t stop thinking about leaving my girlfriend to pursue my friend with everything I had in me. I wanted to court her, romance her and see if she could love me the way I loved her. I hid my love for her out of respect for our friendship, and to protect it.

Time flew by, the next thing I knew she found a job and she met a guy. She quickly became too busy for me. I lost her. I hid my feelings to preserve a friendship with a woman I loved, and now I didn’t even have that. She disappeared from my life for a long time, but then suddenly we reconnected, she had just broken up with her boyfriend and quit her job. She suddenly had time for me again. But she had already been accepted into a nursing school far away. She disappeared and reappeared into my life several times over the years. She would always disappear when she met someone and then reappear as it was ending. By the time she returned from nursing school I was married.

Today my marriage is falling apart. Coincidentally we have reconnected again and rekindled our friendship. I value our friendship as much as ever and I want her to be part of my life. After all these years I still love her. No matter how long we have gone without talking the feelings have never gone away. I don’t think they ever will. I want to tell her how much I love her.

What should I do?
ThePassionateMan ThePassionateMan 26-30, M 3 Responses Aug 7, 2012

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It sounds like you really love her. You need to end your current relationship if it is really not working. You also need to remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Is this girl just a dream to you? What if your dream does not match up with reality. Do you really want to give up the life you have created? I guess I am just saying that sometimes people do not realize all the good they have in their life. If you really feel like you married the wrong woman, end it properly and then tell your dream girl. Good luck!

Passionate Man, see my response to your other post. It sounds like you married the wrong person, but now, with two children, you are in a difficult position. By all means do not betray your marriage, but fundamentally if it is not working then seek a divorce in a mature and dignified manner (I think you are justified given your wife's infidelity several years ago). If your relationship with this other woman is meant to be, she will allow you to sort out the current situation. Godspeed.

You only live once. Don't waste every minute of it. Tell her!