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I Didn't Believe In Love

Actually I was the person at my school who everyone knew as the girl who didn't believe in love. I was hard core about it. I had my theory to a science. The whole we find a name for something we wish would exist, but we are driven by animal passion. Marriage is finding someone who you can stand to be with for extended periods of time. There is no one true person because you are compatible with so many different people... all that. I stuck by it.

I always explained my theory to my boyfriends so that they knew what they were getting into and they didn't expect too much out of me. And every single one of them said "I'll be the one to prove to you that love exists."

All but this last one.

He just accepted my belief and said that although he didn't share my beliefs he would respect mine and it was all cool. And he never bothered me about it again. My other boyfriends tried to push me into saying I love you. And of couse I wouldn't. I hate girls, women, who say they love their boyfriends for the sole purpose of talking. Or because they're dating and therefore it must be true. It was part of the reason why I couldn't believe in love. How could a feeling that was tossed around so easily exist?

My boyfriend insisted that we hang out every day, and at first I was terrified of the prospect. Why the hell would a boy want to spend every freaking day with me? But it was his car, his gas money, so I wasn't about to complain about what he did with it, and if that meant he drove me home from school every day just to see me a bit longer, than ... uh, that was cool?

You have to remember, since I didn't believe in love, I also wasn't all for getting all that attached. My last two boyfriends I had started fights with on purpose so that they'd break up with me because I was afraid they were getting too attached and I didn't need that level of seriousness messing with my life.

But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months (passing that month line is always a big GASP for relationships... Haha), I began to really enjoy myself. There was something different about this guy. I had had two serious relationships before then. My first serious boyfriend was really physical with me, and I knew that was wrong, but it had kinda scared me. My second had had to fight through that fear that had been instilled in me... I always put my arms between myself and my boyfriend when he hugged me... Stuff like that. But he and I had been friends for two years before hand, so he didn't treat me like a girl... more like the tomboy I had always been for him. But my new boyfriend treated me like a little girl, and I kind of liked that. I had always been one to do things for myself, but every chance he had he was doing things for me. And he wasn't pushy. He watched. He listened. He held me when I needed to be held. Without being asked. Which is amazing for a guy... He figured things out without being told.

And what was the most impressive was that he was trying his hardest to develop a relationship.

I started fights with him to see if he could handle them. And he would pull over the car to talk it out. Refuse to hang up to fix the problem.

Then we passed the three month line and he became my longest relationship. I still barely considered us serious.

We went to Prom. We spent every waking moment during the summer together.

And then I realized we were serious. We told each other everything. Our families were close. We were always eating at each others houses. I would call him and tell him to buy me razors on his way to my house cuz I'd run out. He'd call and see if I wanted to go see his brother in law before he left for Iraq... Our families got used to seeing both of us. Our classmates knew that if they invited one, they invited the other.

But I still didn't believe in love. Couldn't. We were only in high school for God's sake! I was only 16.

And then the summer started to end. And I started to get scared. I hadn't thought we would last this long. Or get that close. But reality was closing in.

He had signed up for the Army a month before we started dating. He was leaving six and a half months into our relationship. And I had no idea what do to.

Over and over I tried to break up with him. I would convince myself that if I held on, I would only end up hurting him and I couldn't do that to him. But every time I thought about it, tried to look into his eyes and tell him it was over, I turned away and had to cry myself to sleep.

He left. I was alone. Weeks went by and I started craving attention. But everywhere I looked, no one compared.

I had every oppurtunity to break up with him the sissy way, over letters. I knew I could. And I was ready to. But I sat down and thought about it. For a long time.

I remembered the way he held me when my dad yelled at me, the way he dug my dogs grave for me without telling me while I cried in my room, the way he raised one of my newborn kittens, the way he was late to work every day I was sick just to make sure I fell asleep okay... And I knew there was something different.

And you can't explain love. But all I know is that the same day I sent him the letter that said I loved him was the day he sent his, saying he didn't care if I didn't love him, but he loved me and I was going to have to get over it.

And when we saw each other for the first time in 10 weeks after his basic training, it was the most amazing experience in our entire relationship. Every single person that was there, that saw me leap into his arms again, said that there was no doubt that we were in love.

We have been together for quite awhile now. And every night he calls me and I remember that I am in love.

Londynne Londynne 18-21, F 102 Responses Nov 11, 2007

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aw this was such a lovely story to read<3 i thought it was going to be annoying and punk or whatever but it took an amazing turn for the best:) i'm so happy you have found someone that you love. love is real and there are no real words to describe it but when it's there, you know.

wow

This is beautiful... <3

That is truely amazing. I was to selfish. I dated a girl for 4 years, she was perfect, and I never commited to loving her. Its just like that song "stupid boy". She laid her heart right in my hand and I just wouldn't love her the way I should have. Well guess what... that girl moved away from me and slipped right out of my hands. She's in love with somone else and it hurts soo bad I'm practically in denial. I always put her low on my priority list and now she's on somone elses. Without her I'm practically not myself. Isn't it truely terrifying that some never find love!! Don't. Think you have forever with someone guys, because hindsight is 20/20 and I can tell you that you can lose everything

Omg that's so cute <3

This is so beautiful, and you two are so incredibly luck to have one another.

That's beautiful! Thanks for sharing with us. Sounds like you've got one very special guy there!

:,) beautiful.. congratulations

Makes my heart beat faster :)
I want that too

There is only one word needed for this, beautiful :)

I'm glad you found your one
X

Incredible. I believe others experience or will experience this kind of love but I know I won't so thanks for at least letting me live in your moment of love.

That was a very heartwrenching adorable story I'm very happy for the both of you. And I hope at some point I can be that sure about someone.

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I still don't believe in it. Or at least not for me..

You are very lucky! Well done for sticking to your beliefs. I was just like you didn't believe in love. But I realy wanted to see what love is this awesome thing all my friends were talking about. This awesome thing people cry over infront of a speaking box (tv). I got curious and wanted to know what the fuss was all about. In the end I got my heart broken twice... and came out a bit more twisted than before. But I won't give up. All the best for you two! <br />
<br />
Thanx for the story. It is inspirational. :)

That changed my ideas a bit but the one person for me is not where i live everyone is interested in how much money, who do you know

This is a sweet story :) it's amazing how someone can mean so much to you :) it's the greatest feeling in the world!

You are both very lucky.

that's amazing. I haven't cried so much in a long time. <br />
thank you for sharing something so beautiful.

That was an amazing story, congratulations and I hope for the best for the two of you :)

What a wonderful story :)

Beautiful Story(: Everyone Seems To Love It

Hi<br />
My name is Tom Nicholson and I am in the process of creating my website www.share-my-story.org.uk and would appreciate if you would consider including your story. If you visit my website you will hopefully appreciate my vision and I want stories like yours to help realise this.<br />
<br />
Best regards<br />
<br />
Tom

awesome story!! thanks for sharing...you just gave me hope for finding my own special someone!! thanks again and wish you the best!! <br />
<br />
take care and God Bless! :)

I loved this story :) I had similar thinking when I was younger. It's not that I didn't believe in love, I just thought it was stupid and people were stupid to get all ridiculous about it. The crying and heartbreak and all that just seemed like nonsense to me... Until I fell in love. That's usually how it happens :)

My story was very similar when I was 16. But after he went away to Germany with the army and I left for uni I broke up with him as I thought I'd grown out of it. I thought about him for years. When I nearly died at 24 he found out where I was and sent flowers. I travelled to his old family home, but they wouldn't tell me where he was as I had broken his heart and he was with someone else. Every few years I tried to find him, but when I finally did, we were half a country apart, and each had children. Still we wrote to each other occasionally and when I split with my husband after 18 years of abuse and violence I confided in him by email. Then he phoned. As soon as I heard his voice I fell and he told me he had never married because he had never stopped loving me. After 26 years apart, this is perfect. Sometimes true love really is true - and nothing will stop it in the end.

wow........ i m amazed! a person who didn't believe in love had fallen in love so deep! congratulations to u for your lovely love life and ur true lover. it must be really wonderful for you. even though it's a different thing that i have never experienced love, but i think i still know bits about it. the thing that moreover attracted me about your story is that you are a lot more similar to my best friend.... who had also recently fallen in love and never believed in love before it. <br />
hope your love remains for forever!

You are lucky to meet him!!:)

Yeah, sure, love exists. And you are about as likely to experience it as you are to win the lottery. You are lucky, good for you. Most of us are not. Which is sad, but true, i'm afraid.<br />
Love is a privilege, that's all. And if you don't think about it, it's easier to live without it.

i think thats wicked cute your story is amazing to mee i have no clue why but ets just wonderful i loved readin it

Woah. Beutiful story. I think I'm going through the same thing... Only, I'm the one that'll be going off to basic training for the Army for ten weeks.

WOW. AMAZING....You're so lucky. Hold on to what you have. Some people spend their entire lives trying to find love and never come close. Cherish it forever. <3

Realy this is amazing story actualy this is intresting and i like this romantic cute story......god bless you both......!!!!!!

you did not believe in love because you did not feel it....but now you do you know it exists:)<br />
all the best! lovely story and thanks for sharing

Congratulations!!! :D<br />
<br />
I enjoyed reading this.

Soooooo lovely and sweet and I hope you both are together for a very long time.

isn't it amazing how the ones who are desperate to not be in a relationship or fall in love are the ones that get routed out by love? congratulations, and may you and your boyfriend (he IS your bf) enjoy yourself as long as you can!

Congratulations. Love is such a beautiful thing, and so was your story. Yes, what you have is a guy that loves you. That is pretty impressive for him to know how to love at such a young age. And I congratulate you too for having the courage to overcame youself. Take a lesson in that. Beware, love has a down side, and you've already experienced it, and that is the feeling you get when you want to be with that person, but can't be, but love can survive that, and it does. It always does. If it doesn't, it wasn't love. So, don't be afraid to get hurt. It's always more rewarding to give your love than not, and its damaging to yourself when you don't give it. Live on my dear, live full, and keep sharing yourself, the beauty that you have inside.

That was really touching.<br />
I loved it.

i don't think i'm capable of loving someone,but still,your story is inspiring..:)

I didn't notice the length whilst reading this. I'm happy for you girl. I've always believed in love but the magical thing hasn't happened to me yet. I wish soon lol

You sound like me!

Wow. this was great and i loved it.

DONT EVER LEAVE HIM.. IM SURE EVEN IF U TRY HE WONT LEAVE U.. UR STORY SORRY REALITY IS SO CUTE... TOUCH WOOD... i wish u and ur bf all the goodness for ever.

WOW, similar experience. That was good girl. Hope ur love lasts for a long time!

Such a beautiful story..... I love reading it.

Sounds lil bit like my boyfriend and I... I'm almost 16 and he leaves for basic training in the Marine Corps this summer.. 13 weeks without him.. I hope I have as much strength as you while he's gone...

I don't believe in love either, this is honestly like the story of my life. Eveybody thinks they could change it, but really, I feel the same way you described in the beginning of this story<br />
I'm really happy for the both of you though<br />
Gives me a brief glimpse of hope that love does exist

hmmmm its similer to my story,u know when we met the rite person,then we relize what is love,<br />
ENJOY LIFE,becouse life is so beautiful even sometime is hard!!!!!

Good for you. :3

really interesting yet sad...<br />
<br />
why? because (usually) when you find the "Perfect" one, it'll come w/ the flaws that destroys everything while you refuse to see it.<br />
<br />
(yours is him joining the army)

really nice story...

wow that's very lovily just hang in there and do me a favour that no matter what happen between the two of you but when he calls just remember you are in love!! never forget that<br />
<br />
i and my boyfreind had some issues and i decided to end the relationship but when time goes on i remembered the reason we started dating and i remembered that he was different from the others....<br />
<br />
he could forget about what he wants and do what i please and i adore him for that, somehow he would always remind me that he is still waiting for me<br />
<br />
and now we are back together. your story really inspired me. keep on loving each other!!!

wow thats amazing.. :|

thank you for being a person who won't say you love someone unless you do!

I wish that I had a girlfriend like that.

I wish I hadn't been so insecured and waited for someone special. Happy for you, girl :')

I am in tears over your story. I don't know if they are tears of joy or sadness. It began as tears of sadness because your didn't think love existed. And then they were tears of joy because you had found love.I am happy for you.It may take time for love to enter ones life, but it will, and when it does, there is no mistaking it.

that's a good story.. :) i hope you two last long and thanks for sharing...

Thats an amazing story, I am so happy for you. And yes I was once terrified of real love, it just didn't really seem possible after you go through a million break-ups like I did. But I think I found someone, really found someone. But keep your fingers crossed for me hehehe

You may be one of the luckiest people around, not because you found love but because you know now, truely, what love is. Congratulations and may you have every happiness.

Hey A - I am glad you commented on this older story - I loved reading it - so sweet and inspirational - it kind of makes my heart ache!

Great story, Londynne... <br />
<br />
"And, in the end,<br />
The love you take<br />
Is equal to the love you make"

Wow, i loved that.<br />
Very similar to my love story

This beautiful story of your love enthralled me from beginning to end. It touched me in such a way that I can relate to alot of what you are saying here. Starting fights and him not relenting before it was settled, wondering why someone would want to spend everyday with you, keeing your guard up...until you cant any longer. Yea I know that feeling all too well :)<br />
<br />
Wonderful post! Best of luck and enjoy the special love you share :)

Wow that on hit close to home for me lol. great story! thanks for shareing with us!!!!!! love is something great isn't it!

a touching story.....don give up on dis!!!!

I assume there are two ways to couplate,one you do only physical exercise of your organs and get *******,the other a coplete surrender out of your all egos,i mean in totality to give and to recieve.Even the hardcore takes place in both ways but the amount of pleasure varies too large.If you mean love for ones surrender,then your hardcore exercise will give you unsatiable character.thank you.

Londynne<br />
<br />
I commmend you for your honesty. I think everyone feels that way about love, scared and afraid and vulnerable. I know I do. What a wonderful moment when you both realise it's mutual. <br />
<br />
Cheerupmochic...what's with the love lasting forever thing anwyay? Love is transient like everything else and in the moment. If it's felt in the moment then it has existed. Why do you need it to last forever? Nothing and no one does. All you can do is hope you're lucky enough to experience it at least once in your lifetime. <br />
If you've had love once...how can you stop believing in it just because you don't have it right now? Have faith and hope and it will come back, maybe not forever but for a nice time spent on this planet that can be so hard sometimes.

nothing to add but I love what you just said!

that's a sweet story. i hate to be a downer but, i've been there. same story from beginning to end with intermittent relationships here and there lasting anywhere btwn. 2 weeks and 4 years. ...and now, i think i'm beginning to re-develop the "i don't believe in love" mindset. cause picture the two of you breaking up. hopefully, that doesn't happen, but it did to me. and still, no one compares. so... as an appendix to your story.... "I don't believe love today... Lasts." sorry. but good luck to you.

Honest but terrible!!
Why would you say such a thing??
keep it to yourself next time....you wouldnt tell a 3 year old girl there is no santa?

I admire people who are strong and can close themselves off emotionally..at the same time I feel and it is proven in medical literature that these kind of people suffer from inferiority complexes to the point that they develop superiority complexes to compensate. If you are going to get involved with someone you need to think of there feelings as well..not just your own. It just sounds like to me that maybe you have problems getting attached because of fear of what the other person will do to you....you want all the power. As long as you keep that mindset you will never have a successful relationship. Good luck to you.

Awww - that is such a beautiful story, I am so happy for you!!