I Didn't Believe In Love

Actually I was the person at my school who everyone knew as the girl who didn't believe in love. I was hard core about it. I had my theory to a science. The whole we find a name for something we wish would exist, but we are driven by animal passion. Marriage is finding someone who you can stand to be with for extended periods of time. There is no one true person because you are compatible with so many different people... all that. I stuck by it.

I always explained my theory to my boyfriends so that they knew what they were getting into and they didn't expect too much out of me. And every single one of them said "I'll be the one to prove to you that love exists."

All but this last one.

He just accepted my belief and said that although he didn't share my beliefs he would respect mine and it was all cool. And he never bothered me about it again. My other boyfriends tried to push me into saying I love you. And of couse I wouldn't. I hate girls, women, who say they love their boyfriends for the sole purpose of talking. Or because they're dating and therefore it must be true. It was part of the reason why I couldn't believe in love. How could a feeling that was tossed around so easily exist?

My boyfriend insisted that we hang out every day, and at first I was terrified of the prospect. Why the hell would a boy want to spend every freaking day with me? But it was his car, his gas money, so I wasn't about to complain about what he did with it, and if that meant he drove me home from school every day just to see me a bit longer, than ... uh, that was cool?

You have to remember, since I didn't believe in love, I also wasn't all for getting all that attached. My last two boyfriends I had started fights with on purpose so that they'd break up with me because I was afraid they were getting too attached and I didn't need that level of seriousness messing with my life.

But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months (passing that month line is always a big GASP for relationships... Haha), I began to really enjoy myself. There was something different about this guy. I had had two serious relationships before then. My first serious boyfriend was really physical with me, and I knew that was wrong, but it had kinda scared me. My second had had to fight through that fear that had been instilled in me... I always put my arms between myself and my boyfriend when he hugged me... Stuff like that. But he and I had been friends for two years before hand, so he didn't treat me like a girl... more like the tomboy I had always been for him. But my new boyfriend treated me like a little girl, and I kind of liked that. I had always been one to do things for myself, but every chance he had he was doing things for me. And he wasn't pushy. He watched. He listened. He held me when I needed to be held. Without being asked. Which is amazing for a guy... He figured things out without being told.

And what was the most impressive was that he was trying his hardest to develop a relationship.

I started fights with him to see if he could handle them. And he would pull over the car to talk it out. Refuse to hang up to fix the problem.

Then we passed the three month line and he became my longest relationship. I still barely considered us serious.

We went to Prom. We spent every waking moment during the summer together.

And then I realized we were serious. We told each other everything. Our families were close. We were always eating at each others houses. I would call him and tell him to buy me razors on his way to my house cuz I'd run out. He'd call and see if I wanted to go see his brother in law before he left for Iraq... Our families got used to seeing both of us. Our classmates knew that if they invited one, they invited the other.

But I still didn't believe in love. Couldn't. We were only in high school for God's sake! I was only 16.

And then the summer started to end. And I started to get scared. I hadn't thought we would last this long. Or get that close. But reality was closing in.

He had signed up for the Army a month before we started dating. He was leaving six and a half months into our relationship. And I had no idea what do to.

Over and over I tried to break up with him. I would convince myself that if I held on, I would only end up hurting him and I couldn't do that to him. But every time I thought about it, tried to look into his eyes and tell him it was over, I turned away and had to cry myself to sleep.

He left. I was alone. Weeks went by and I started craving attention. But everywhere I looked, no one compared.

I had every oppurtunity to break up with him the sissy way, over letters. I knew I could. And I was ready to. But I sat down and thought about it. For a long time.

I remembered the way he held me when my dad yelled at me, the way he dug my dogs grave for me without telling me while I cried in my room, the way he raised one of my newborn kittens, the way he was late to work every day I was sick just to make sure I fell asleep okay... And I knew there was something different.

And you can't explain love. But all I know is that the same day I sent him the letter that said I loved him was the day he sent his, saying he didn't care if I didn't love him, but he loved me and I was going to have to get over it.

And when we saw each other for the first time in 10 weeks after his basic training, it was the most amazing experience in our entire relationship. Every single person that was there, that saw me leap into his arms again, said that there was no doubt that we were in love.

We have been together for quite awhile now. And every night he calls me and I remember that I am in love.

Londynne Londynne
18-21, F
103 Responses Nov 11, 2007

You sound like me!

I didn't notice the length whilst reading this. I'm happy for you girl. I've always believed in love but the magical thing hasn't happened to me yet. I wish soon lol

i don't think i'm capable of loving someone,but still,your story is inspiring..:)

That was really touching.<br />
I loved it.

isn't it amazing how the ones who are desperate to not be in a relationship or fall in love are the ones that get routed out by love? congratulations, and may you and your boyfriend (he IS your bf) enjoy yourself as long as you can!

Soooooo lovely and sweet and I hope you both are together for a very long time.

Congratulations!!! :D<br />
<br />
I enjoyed reading this.

you did not believe in love because you did not feel it....but now you do you know it exists:)<br />
all the best! lovely story and thanks for sharing

Realy this is amazing story actualy this is intresting and i like this romantic cute story......god bless you both......!!!!!!

WOW. AMAZING....You're so lucky. Hold on to what you have. Some people spend their entire lives trying to find love and never come close. Cherish it forever. <3

Woah. Beutiful story. I think I'm going through the same thing... Only, I'm the one that'll be going off to basic training for the Army for ten weeks.

i think thats wicked cute your story is amazing to mee i have no clue why but ets just wonderful i loved readin it

Yeah, sure, love exists. And you are about as likely to experience it as you are to win the lottery. You are lucky, good for you. Most of us are not. Which is sad, but true, i'm afraid.<br />
Love is a privilege, that's all. And if you don't think about it, it's easier to live without it.

You are lucky to meet him!!:)

wow........ i m amazed! a person who didn't believe in love had fallen in love so deep! congratulations to u for your lovely love life and ur true lover. it must be really wonderful for you. even though it's a different thing that i have never experienced love, but i think i still know bits about it. the thing that moreover attracted me about your story is that you are a lot more similar to my best friend.... who had also recently fallen in love and never believed in love before it. <br />
hope your love remains for forever!

My story was very similar when I was 16. But after he went away to Germany with the army and I left for uni I broke up with him as I thought I'd grown out of it. I thought about him for years. When I nearly died at 24 he found out where I was and sent flowers. I travelled to his old family home, but they wouldn't tell me where he was as I had broken his heart and he was with someone else. Every few years I tried to find him, but when I finally did, we were half a country apart, and each had children. Still we wrote to each other occasionally and when I split with my husband after 18 years of abuse and violence I confided in him by email. Then he phoned. As soon as I heard his voice I fell and he told me he had never married because he had never stopped loving me. After 26 years apart, this is perfect. Sometimes true love really is true - and nothing will stop it in the end.

I loved this story :) I had similar thinking when I was younger. It's not that I didn't believe in love, I just thought it was stupid and people were stupid to get all ridiculous about it. The crying and heartbreak and all that just seemed like nonsense to me... Until I fell in love. That's usually how it happens :)

awesome story!! thanks for sharing...you just gave me hope for finding my own special someone!! thanks again and wish you the best!! <br />
<br />
take care and God Bless! :)

Hi<br />
My name is Tom Nicholson and I am in the process of creating my website www.share-my-story.org.uk and would appreciate if you would consider including your story. If you visit my website you will hopefully appreciate my vision and I want stories like yours to help realise this.<br />
<br />
Best regards<br />
<br />

Beautiful Story(: Everyone Seems To Love It

What a wonderful story :)

That was an amazing story, congratulations and I hope for the best for the two of you :)

that's amazing. I haven't cried so much in a long time. <br />
thank you for sharing something so beautiful.

You are both very lucky.

This is a sweet story :) it's amazing how someone can mean so much to you :) it's the greatest feeling in the world!

That changed my ideas a bit but the one person for me is not where i live everyone is interested in how much money, who do you know

You are very lucky! Well done for sticking to your beliefs. I was just like you didn't believe in love. But I realy wanted to see what love is this awesome thing all my friends were talking about. This awesome thing people cry over infront of a speaking box (tv). I got curious and wanted to know what the fuss was all about. In the end I got my heart broken twice... and came out a bit more twisted than before. But I won't give up. All the best for you two! <br />
<br />
Thanx for the story. It is inspirational. :)

I still don't believe in it. Or at least not for me..

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That was a very heartwrenching adorable story I'm very happy for the both of you. And I hope at some point I can be that sure about someone.

Incredible. I believe others experience or will experience this kind of love but I know I won't so thanks for at least letting me live in your moment of love.

There is only one word needed for this, beautiful :)

I'm glad you found your one

Makes my heart beat faster :)
I want that too

:,) beautiful.. congratulations

That's beautiful! Thanks for sharing with us. Sounds like you've got one very special guy there!

This is so beautiful, and you two are so incredibly luck to have one another.

Omg that's so cute <3

That is truely amazing. I was to selfish. I dated a girl for 4 years, she was perfect, and I never commited to loving her. Its just like that song "stupid boy". She laid her heart right in my hand and I just wouldn't love her the way I should have. Well guess what... that girl moved away from me and slipped right out of my hands. She's in love with somone else and it hurts soo bad I'm practically in denial. I always put her low on my priority list and now she's on somone elses. Without her I'm practically not myself. Isn't it truely terrifying that some never find love!! Don't. Think you have forever with someone guys, because hindsight is 20/20 and I can tell you that you can lose everything

This is beautiful... <3


aw this was such a lovely story to read<3 i thought it was going to be annoying and punk or whatever but it took an amazing turn for the best:) i'm so happy you have found someone that you love. love is real and there are no real words to describe it but when it's there, you know.

Awww, his gestures is way too beautiful no questions I can think of to challenge his actions lol :p I'm so happy for you.
I hope you guys will be going for the long haul :)

Great story!