I Didn't Believe In Love

Actually I was the person at my school who everyone knew as the girl who didn't believe in love. I was hard core about it. I had my theory to a science. The whole we find a name for something we wish would exist, but we are driven by animal passion. Marriage is finding someone who you can stand to be with for extended periods of time. There is no one true person because you are compatible with so many different people... all that. I stuck by it.

I always explained my theory to my boyfriends so that they knew what they were getting into and they didn't expect too much out of me. And every single one of them said "I'll be the one to prove to you that love exists."

All but this last one.

He just accepted my belief and said that although he didn't share my beliefs he would respect mine and it was all cool. And he never bothered me about it again. My other boyfriends tried to push me into saying I love you. And of couse I wouldn't. I hate girls, women, who say they love their boyfriends for the sole purpose of talking. Or because they're dating and therefore it must be true. It was part of the reason why I couldn't believe in love. How could a feeling that was tossed around so easily exist?

My boyfriend insisted that we hang out every day, and at first I was terrified of the prospect. Why the hell would a boy want to spend every freaking day with me? But it was his car, his gas money, so I wasn't about to complain about what he did with it, and if that meant he drove me home from school every day just to see me a bit longer, than ... uh, that was cool?

You have to remember, since I didn't believe in love, I also wasn't all for getting all that attached. My last two boyfriends I had started fights with on purpose so that they'd break up with me because I was afraid they were getting too attached and I didn't need that level of seriousness messing with my life.

But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months (passing that month line is always a big GASP for relationships... Haha), I began to really enjoy myself. There was something different about this guy. I had had two serious relationships before then. My first serious boyfriend was really physical with me, and I knew that was wrong, but it had kinda scared me. My second had had to fight through that fear that had been instilled in me... I always put my arms between myself and my boyfriend when he hugged me... Stuff like that. But he and I had been friends for two years before hand, so he didn't treat me like a girl... more like the tomboy I had always been for him. But my new boyfriend treated me like a little girl, and I kind of liked that. I had always been one to do things for myself, but every chance he had he was doing things for me. And he wasn't pushy. He watched. He listened. He held me when I needed to be held. Without being asked. Which is amazing for a guy... He figured things out without being told.

And what was the most impressive was that he was trying his hardest to develop a relationship.

I started fights with him to see if he could handle them. And he would pull over the car to talk it out. Refuse to hang up to fix the problem.

Then we passed the three month line and he became my longest relationship. I still barely considered us serious.

We went to Prom. We spent every waking moment during the summer together.

And then I realized we were serious. We told each other everything. Our families were close. We were always eating at each others houses. I would call him and tell him to buy me razors on his way to my house cuz I'd run out. He'd call and see if I wanted to go see his brother in law before he left for Iraq... Our families got used to seeing both of us. Our classmates knew that if they invited one, they invited the other.

But I still didn't believe in love. Couldn't. We were only in high school for God's sake! I was only 16.

And then the summer started to end. And I started to get scared. I hadn't thought we would last this long. Or get that close. But reality was closing in.

He had signed up for the Army a month before we started dating. He was leaving six and a half months into our relationship. And I had no idea what do to.

Over and over I tried to break up with him. I would convince myself that if I held on, I would only end up hurting him and I couldn't do that to him. But every time I thought about it, tried to look into his eyes and tell him it was over, I turned away and had to cry myself to sleep.

He left. I was alone. Weeks went by and I started craving attention. But everywhere I looked, no one compared.

I had every oppurtunity to break up with him the sissy way, over letters. I knew I could. And I was ready to. But I sat down and thought about it. For a long time.

I remembered the way he held me when my dad yelled at me, the way he dug my dogs grave for me without telling me while I cried in my room, the way he raised one of my newborn kittens, the way he was late to work every day I was sick just to make sure I fell asleep okay... And I knew there was something different.

And you can't explain love. But all I know is that the same day I sent him the letter that said I loved him was the day he sent his, saying he didn't care if I didn't love him, but he loved me and I was going to have to get over it.

And when we saw each other for the first time in 10 weeks after his basic training, it was the most amazing experience in our entire relationship. Every single person that was there, that saw me leap into his arms again, said that there was no doubt that we were in love.

We have been together for quite awhile now. And every night he calls me and I remember that I am in love.

Londynne Londynne
18-21, F
103 Responses Nov 11, 2007

Yeah, sure, love exists. And you are about as likely to experience it as you are to win the lottery. You are lucky, good for you. Most of us are not. Which is sad, but true, i'm afraid.<br />
Love is a privilege, that's all. And if you don't think about it, it's easier to live without it.

i think thats wicked cute your story is amazing to mee i have no clue why but ets just wonderful i loved readin it

Woah. Beutiful story. I think I'm going through the same thing... Only, I'm the one that'll be going off to basic training for the Army for ten weeks.

WOW. AMAZING....You're so lucky. Hold on to what you have. Some people spend their entire lives trying to find love and never come close. Cherish it forever. <3

Realy this is amazing story actualy this is intresting and i like this romantic cute story......god bless you both......!!!!!!

you did not believe in love because you did not feel it....but now you do you know it exists:)<br />
all the best! lovely story and thanks for sharing

Congratulations!!! :D<br />
<br />
I enjoyed reading this.

Soooooo lovely and sweet and I hope you both are together for a very long time.

isn't it amazing how the ones who are desperate to not be in a relationship or fall in love are the ones that get routed out by love? congratulations, and may you and your boyfriend (he IS your bf) enjoy yourself as long as you can!

That was really touching.<br />
I loved it.

i don't think i'm capable of loving someone,but still,your story is inspiring..:)

I didn't notice the length whilst reading this. I'm happy for you girl. I've always believed in love but the magical thing hasn't happened to me yet. I wish soon lol

You sound like me!

Wow. this was great and i loved it.


WOW, similar experience. That was good girl. Hope ur love lasts for a long time!

Such a beautiful story..... I love reading it.

Sounds lil bit like my boyfriend and I... I'm almost 16 and he leaves for basic training in the Marine Corps this summer.. 13 weeks without him.. I hope I have as much strength as you while he's gone...

I don't believe in love either, this is honestly like the story of my life. Eveybody thinks they could change it, but really, I feel the same way you described in the beginning of this story<br />
I'm really happy for the both of you though<br />
Gives me a brief glimpse of hope that love does exist

hmmmm its similer to my story,u know when we met the rite person,then we relize what is love,<br />
ENJOY LIFE,becouse life is so beautiful even sometime is hard!!!!!

Good for you. :3

really interesting yet sad...<br />
<br />
why? because (usually) when you find the "Perfect" one, it'll come w/ the flaws that destroys everything while you refuse to see it.<br />
<br />
(yours is him joining the army)

really nice story...

wow that's very lovily just hang in there and do me a favour that no matter what happen between the two of you but when he calls just remember you are in love!! never forget that<br />
<br />
i and my boyfreind had some issues and i decided to end the relationship but when time goes on i remembered the reason we started dating and i remembered that he was different from the others....<br />
<br />
he could forget about what he wants and do what i please and i adore him for that, somehow he would always remind me that he is still waiting for me<br />
<br />
and now we are back together. your story really inspired me. keep on loving each other!!!

wow thats amazing.. :|

thank you for being a person who won't say you love someone unless you do!

I wish that I had a girlfriend like that.

I wish I hadn't been so insecured and waited for someone special. Happy for you, girl :')

I am in tears over your story. I don't know if they are tears of joy or sadness. It began as tears of sadness because your didn't think love existed. And then they were tears of joy because you had found love.I am happy for you.It may take time for love to enter ones life, but it will, and when it does, there is no mistaking it.

that's a good story.. :) i hope you two last long and thanks for sharing...

Thats an amazing story, I am so happy for you. And yes I was once terrified of real love, it just didn't really seem possible after you go through a million break-ups like I did. But I think I found someone, really found someone. But keep your fingers crossed for me hehehe

You may be one of the luckiest people around, not because you found love but because you know now, truely, what love is. Congratulations and may you have every happiness.

Hey A - I am glad you commented on this older story - I loved reading it - so sweet and inspirational - it kind of makes my heart ache!

Great story, Londynne... <br />
<br />
"And, in the end,<br />
The love you take<br />
Is equal to the love you make"

Wow, i loved that.<br />
Very similar to my love story

This beautiful story of your love enthralled me from beginning to end. It touched me in such a way that I can relate to alot of what you are saying here. Starting fights and him not relenting before it was settled, wondering why someone would want to spend everyday with you, keeing your guard up...until you cant any longer. Yea I know that feeling all too well :)<br />
<br />
Wonderful post! Best of luck and enjoy the special love you share :)

Wow that on hit close to home for me lol. great story! thanks for shareing with us!!!!!! love is something great isn't it!

a touching story.....don give up on dis!!!!

I assume there are two ways to couplate,one you do only physical exercise of your organs and get *******,the other a coplete surrender out of your all egos,i mean in totality to give and to recieve.Even the hardcore takes place in both ways but the amount of pleasure varies too large.If you mean love for ones surrender,then your hardcore exercise will give you unsatiable character.thank you.

Londynne<br />
<br />
I commmend you for your honesty. I think everyone feels that way about love, scared and afraid and vulnerable. I know I do. What a wonderful moment when you both realise it's mutual. <br />
<br />
Cheerupmochic...what's with the love lasting forever thing anwyay? Love is transient like everything else and in the moment. If it's felt in the moment then it has existed. Why do you need it to last forever? Nothing and no one does. All you can do is hope you're lucky enough to experience it at least once in your lifetime. <br />
If you've had love once...how can you stop believing in it just because you don't have it right now? Have faith and hope and it will come back, maybe not forever but for a nice time spent on this planet that can be so hard sometimes.

nothing to add but I love what you just said!

that's a sweet story. i hate to be a downer but, i've been there. same story from beginning to end with intermittent relationships here and there lasting anywhere btwn. 2 weeks and 4 years. ...and now, i think i'm beginning to re-develop the "i don't believe in love" mindset. cause picture the two of you breaking up. hopefully, that doesn't happen, but it did to me. and still, no one compares. so... as an appendix to your story.... "I don't believe love today... Lasts." sorry. but good luck to you.

Honest but terrible!!
Why would you say such a thing??
keep it to yourself next time....you wouldnt tell a 3 year old girl there is no santa?

I admire people who are strong and can close themselves off emotionally..at the same time I feel and it is proven in medical literature that these kind of people suffer from inferiority complexes to the point that they develop superiority complexes to compensate. If you are going to get involved with someone you need to think of there feelings as well..not just your own. It just sounds like to me that maybe you have problems getting attached because of fear of what the other person will do to you....you want all the power. As long as you keep that mindset you will never have a successful relationship. Good luck to you.

Awww - that is such a beautiful story, I am so happy for you!!