Im An Addict

I've always felt different and it wasnt till I came into the rooms of Na that I finally felt I'd come to a place I belonged . My journey of self district began when I was a young girl . At a very early age I felt that u was not as good as others and felt that there was something wrong with me . With low self confidence and a lack of good self esteem I quickly found comfort and courage from the effects of alcohol . I became a diffrent person someone that I could like . By the time I was 18 I'd spent 7 years of my young life getting hammered and smashed on drink and drugs . Like all addicts I found that one was to many and a thousand was never quite enough . Unfortunately this lesson was not learnt for many years to come . I used and abused and found ways and means to always get more . I was a mess both on the inside and out . Like my good friend in Na says my favourite drug was called more . My life became very unmanageable and I lost everythink and everyone that I cared and loved . By the grace of god I became pregnant at the age of 25 and that's when I decided that somethink would have to be done . That I needed to change . At that time my god was not a loving and nurturing god he was an enforcing and punishing god . I truley believed that if I carried on he would take the baby from me .... It was tought and like a typical addict I substituted one drug for another and started to smoke weed but did give up the drink . For 3 years I battled addiction without having a name for my disease . The compulsion and obsession where always at my door and so the self loathing and self hate continued until I believe my higher power stepped in and helped change my life . A friend who was in recovery came to vist and after a long and honest chat got me to go to my first Na meeting . It was a cold and dark night and full of anticipation I walked into a basement room in a church . For the first time in my whole life I finally felt comfortable with people and finding out that I was an addict and had the disease of addiction was the start of a bright and new life ... After a couple of relapse I am proud to say I am an addict and I am about to celebrate 3 years of clean time ... Just for today I am a grateful addict who enjoys the life I have instead of wishing for a life that belongs to someone else ....
Katieannacookabarra Katieannacookabarra
31-35, F
1 Response Sep 24, 2012

Hi fellow,i understand your story and ask for help.I like the way were you said i,m greatful to be an addict.I say it in every meeting before i start share,yes i,m realy so greatful that i,m an addict and proud because na open a new life and show me how to live in my recovery.My 12steps they are my tools that i use them in every day.Courage it is so greatful that we belong in Na fellowship.LIfe is good,life is great we choose life god bless u and hugs.

Thank you and it's so true that recovery is possible in the rooms of Na . I love to connect to others who think the same as me . Have a great day