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Help Restore His Pride..

I'll begin with a short backstory..my boyfriend/child's father is 30 years old, has had 20 blood clots and is currently awaiting surgery approval to have his lungs and pulmonary artery cleared of past clots, it is an open heart surgery only performed in 2 hospitals in the U.S. He is on oxygen part-time and can no longer work, he has been this way for the last year and a half. Now knowing this, here is my story: We went to a bigger department store in the mall for black friday, we had got winter clothes and boots for our daughter and had headed to the checkout when he ran into a man he hasn't seen since he was 18, thats 12 years! Now when they were younger the had a falling out got in a fight, the other guy later apologized, and they havnt spoken since, but he walks up talking a whole bunch of garbage, like their fight happened yesterday, my bf didnt even recognize him at first. My bf did not talk junk back and was just trying to brush this guy off knowing in his condition he cant do much to defend himself(which the other guy did know about due to being associated with my bfs cousin) after about a minute of trashtalk he dug his head into my bfs forehead (weird) my bf pushed back then he punched him in the face, knocking out a contact and resulting in a black eye, my bf fell to a knee went to stand back up and the guy punched him again my bf caught himself on a bench(it was in the shoe depmt) and this guy went to go jump on him so I stepped in front of him and punched the guy in the face, I couldnt watch this guy give my bf a heart attack, after this the guy ran outside (probably due to the huge crowd black friday brings or the call to security) Now my boyfriend physically healed except for a bruise but he is emotionally damaged. Before his health took a turn for the worse he was such a strong man and this made him feel weaker and more helpless than anything has. He's filled with a rage he can't do anything about, his pride is hurt and he's so down on himself, he had been so positive up until this, and I have no idea how to help him or what to say to him. I feel aweful, and I cant get the image out of my head of the middle of the fight, it was a point of pure weakness. I feel terrible for him. If you have taken the time to read this, thank you. I also appreciate any advice.
cg624720 cg624720 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 25, 2012

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Hello dg624720,

I had an experience maybe not just like your bf but it was a fight that gave me probably the biggest shinier in my life. I was in 8th grade and was being pestered by some fellas that wanted to prove how tough they were. I was in previous fight where I fought the 2nd guy in line and for what-ever reason, all the chatter that was created didn’t help the other fella. I hit him in the jaw and he fell backwards the yelled the vice-priniciple was coming. Although he was not. They yelled that to save face and ran away. This was an instance where intimidation was used to manipulate others. I just was not taking their nonsense. However, the fella that was their so called leader of their group ended up fighting me in the field. Turns out the whole school was there to watch as well. Mike was at least a good head taller then I was and a guy that had apparently had fighting lessens. It all moved so fast. That may have been a good thing, ha. I got a few shots in be with his longer arms had an advantage. I also got a good knee in to eye. It was over in minutes or seconds, ha. Not sure want ended it. I think the principal came out or one or more of the teachers. That was the last fight I was ever in but I did convince a fella, who by the way had several buddies with him, for fight fighting a friend that I was walking with from a party when I was a junior at college. I think that was great use of persuasion on my part.

What I wanted to share with you from this 8th grade experience is in the end (this was also the very tail end id row 8th grade school year) is what follows. After the fight, also due to a large part, encouragement from my father, I went to the prom with my big ol’ shinier, and also had my opponent sign my year book. He signed it in complementary fashion. His girlfriend Beth gave me a kiss on the cheek. How cool was that? Ha! Funny thing, I really though Beth was really one beautiful gal and was someone I really liked from the year before. All in all I never lost mileage or was down or depressed as a result of this fight. I have to say my dad was correct about that how it many or most times ends up, Depending how one confronts the situation makes all the difference. How things work out for you and especially your boy friend