Five years a ago I met a woman on an internet dating site called plenty of fish - we got married - moved to an Island - had two beautiful boys - and during our first year together I used to thank God everyday for such a wonderful life. Now 5 years later I am asking God why?

When I first starting dating online on plenty of fish I met a lot of interesting woman - awesome personalities and great spirits. I was single - at peace - very content - and working towards my spiritual myself. But I now regret to say that unfortunately my spirituality wasn't even close what I expected it to be. I was not physically attracted to the woman I met (I am telling the truth so please don't judge me right away). Now I feel my karma got the better of me - I was selfish and egotistical and wow has God now really woken me up - I married a woman here on pof who was very beautiful - to me at the time - however now I am suffering big time. I chose looks over personalities and other important traits such as a persons inner beauty - my God am I regretting this.

I had a good job - built a multi-million dollar home on the Island and had two beautiful little boys. Then my wife persuaded me to start a business - and told me that 9-5 work was for losers and a form of slavery (I believed her) - So I did. I quit my job and went full force into our business - in fact I started the entire thing myself. But I didn't expect her to take over our entire business nor did I expect her to take over my thoughts, self esteem and confidence. I am now jobless - pretty much a stay at home dad seven days a week (don't get me wrong I love my two boys more than myself) and my self esteem and confidence is pretty much shot (its now been almost 3 years). She threatens me everyday that she will put me on the streets and take my children away from me. Or she tells me she will tell my truth and humiliate me in front of her family (I am not sure even today what that truth is). If I try to stand up to her - swear or even try to intimidate her she picks up the phone and calls the police - so I back down immediately. I am so screwed. I have a had a pretty rough past so I think a lot of my fear is subconscious but I cant seem to shake it - I am so afraid of her.

But deep inside there is a voice just shouting at me and saying "don't be afraid - your children are karmic children and will be with you - get up and do something about this!!". I just need some help and support from a woman or at least her perspective. I have a few men in my life who are giving me advice including a great counselor. Some say stay due to the kids and some are saying to leave her immediately. I am not on this site to make the same mistake nor I am on here to date someone or find another life partner. I just need some help. I am willing to communicate via email, phone or meet in person - it doesn't matter.
needofadvice needofadvice
36-40, M
Aug 15, 2014