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Defiant 13 Year Old Daughter

Where do I start.... I have a 13 year old daughter that has no friends her age because she is a know it all that can do anything you can do but better. She only has young kids that like her (only because they think its cool to hang out with a teenager and they don't know better) Things have to be her way or no way. She is horribly jealous of others even meee!

I hate to say this but no one likes her. She is impossible to get along with. Doesn't like any kind of authority. She and I bump heads on a daily basis.

I have another daughter that has Down syndrome that she pushes around to feel BIG. Now she to is imitating her big sister.

Even worse....she and her step-dad cant get along for a second. They dislike each other which makes it very hard for me because I love them both dearly.

I love my daughter but I cant stand her ways or personality.

I need help please!!!!!

sndfilbin sndfilbin 41-45, F 6 Responses Aug 23, 2009

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It's just a phase we all go through it at that age its only natural she will snap out of it eventually

i can understand to some extent what you are experiencing. my daughter is 13 and 1/2. two yrs ago she was a total *****. i loved her but some days couldn't stand the sight of her. eventually we moved her to another school and although she has her moments things have calmed down a lot. have you asked her if things are ok at school. there are many reasons why kids her age do this. if the step relationship is a new one there will be emotional conflict that can only be resolved by addressing the situation. talk to her, say her natural father is still part of her life that your new husband is not there to replace him. if your former husband is not around explain that your new husband has two jobs to do. look after her as though she is his and has to fit her into his life with you and your other daughter. i have been in two step families. one as the step son and one as the step father. admittedly the second broke down but at least that gives me the right to say i know what it is like from both sides.



treat her as an adult start to give her some responsibility for her own action, that way she learns the consequences of them. talk to her calmly. when she shouts and screams, ignore it . treat it as a tantrum. then when she has calmed down talk to her about what has upset her. it won;t be fixed over night but it will go along way to mending bridges.



hope some of this has been of use. good luck.

Down Syndrom = A LOT OF ATTENTION

Is you daughter doing this sort of thing for attention?

Just trying to "zoom back" enough to find an obvious variable.

It is very common to see this when one child demands so much of a parent's time because of a "challenge".



I've worked with kids I've had to litterally hug to keep them from hurting themselves with fits of rage and it is exhausting, we all know!



Have to go but keep your strength!

As your Daughter is in an honours class she certainly has brain's,she may just see the light and change. All teenager's rebel,it is possible she is doing just that. Good luck and best wishes

sableline.....................trying to respond to a comment ,,,not sure if this is how you do it but here it goes.



Thanks for reading my post. Im sorry that you have gone through the things with your son.

I have tried to get my daughter in counseling without much luck due to finances. I have insurance but it wont pay much because its not medical related.

She does well in school and is in honors classes so thank God thats not been an issue , hopefully that wont change when she gets in High School next year.

I sure hope I can keep her away from the wrong crowd. To be honest with you ...........she doesnt have any crowd that has accepted her. No one can really take her attitude and disposition. She is either gonna be a under achiever or a over achiever in her adult life, there is no middle grounds for her.

Thanks again!!!

I don't think that there is an easy answer here, Have you tried to get councelling for your teenage daughter.If this isn't sorted now she will be like it the rest of her life. I have four sons (now left home)all brought up the same.One son started to rebel at three years old. We were always told that he would grow out of it. At the age of five the school couldn't handle him. At seven he went to a special school,he has seen phsyciatrists,behaviour specialists the lot. Sadly no one could help him. He is now thirtynine, Acompulsive liar, his fists fly at the slightest thing. He is also a control freak,and thinks women are dirt and treat's them that way. I do not like him and his brothers will not have anything to do with him,as he is also a thief.His three brothers have good jobs,nice homes and he is jealous of them.He has never worked. I know you don't want to hear this,the point i am making is that there are people out there with similar problems to you. Your daughter is at an impressionable age. As long as she is kept away from the wrong people she may change,that of course is easier said than done. Have you tried getting her to help with your other daughters to make her feel wanted.If she knows that she is helping you may be able to reverse the situation,by praiseing her on the help she has given. I wish you well,and all the luck in the world