My Thoughts On "true Friendship"

I've learned a lot throughout my struggles with friendship. At the beginning I thought true friends don't exist because so often we trust our friends only to see them leave us, and so OFTEN friends come and go for very selfish reasons - I believe there's hope.

I had a close friend of 3 years who deliberately threw our friendship away because I broke a promise I made to her JUST to do the right thing. Let's just say I made a promise to support/help her as friends (like all friends do). She had an enemy that she was hoping I'd help her go against for reasons I was not even told, but I chose not to help her that way since that "enemy" (who used to treat me like an enemy as well) became good co-workers with me - no way I'm going to slam someone who has been nothing but good to me. I was called "fake, a liar, a traitor" in the end for simply NOT doing what she expected me to do. I sincerely apologized for making that promise too soon without considering the situation, but she never looked at me the same because I simply "wasn't there" for her when she "needed" me. I tried my best to help this close friend to understand me why I did not do what she expected me to do, nothing changed. I thought, if she was a true friend - she wouldn't allow her selfish interest to conflict with my ethics nor would she throw our friendship away so easily like that.

I am someone who doesn't lean on that "we're friends" excuse to expect my friends to do what I want them to do. If your friends love you because you love them, think like them, act like them or because you comply to their standards - then they are bound to leave you the moment you fail to meet their expectations. That is not true friendship, that is just pure BS.

True friendship is not made by people who have (the most) things in common with you, do or say things as you do. True friendship is made in the moment when one learns to love, accept and forgive another for their bad qualities and mistakes. True friends don't help you do what feels good to them, true friends help you do what is right even if it means you end up hating them for it. True friends don't judge, they sympathize, understand and respect your differences. True friends would lay their life down for you & would love you til' the end no matter what. True friends are not born nor are they made for us, they are chosen by us - you choose who you want to keep. In order to find true friends, you need to be that true friend first - be honest and you'll get honesty. Nobody is perfect. But where there are imperfections - that is where a friend is needed the most.

And If anything is "true", such as true love, true friendship, or truth itself it's supposed to be an everlasting thing, unchanging regardless of time/space/etc. Therefore, if someone tells you he or she is your true friend yet ditches you the minute you screw up, then they are probably better left running.

I fought for that friend with all of my heart, whether we're still friends or not, it's no longer my loss.
overjoyedhippo overjoyedhippo
22-25, F
3 Responses Jan 24, 2013

I need a true friend

I think if your a friend u should always be one. I think friends need to show friends how to forgive and move on. Teaching them how to do the right thing not the wrong. We must encourage our friends to help, love and forgive others. If they cant do that thats there issue. Your there to support but in the right way not wrong way. If there cant be mature enough about things than u have to move on and be who u are. Dont let any one change who u are for them. Theres a saying tell me who your friends are and I tell u who u are. You want to always be kind and respectful to people and thats the kind of friends u should want back.

You will learn, as did I, to keep people at arm's length, at least then you can't get hurt.