I Am In A Passive Aggressive Marriage

I have been in a relationship with a man for 8 yrs married for 6 who is passive aggressive and it has been utter hell. Only until recently did l find out after yet another massive argument between him and I after he was ranting how co-dependant I was after asking for a lil emotional support it came to me and I screamed and "your a passive aggressive bully" he went white and said "what" a light globe went off in my head I didn't even know where my words came from little own what it meant. So I googled it and wow what a revelation every single symptom he has and it was kind of a relief to now the marriage not all my fault. All this guilt, shame, craziness, loneliness and lack of self worth is not because lm a not good enough. He has mother issues that go way back sadly his birth mother abandoned him at birth and his adopted mother well shes horrible to me. I have been the target for his anger all these years and it hurts. He goes to therapy for a couple of sessions and then he tells me he doesn't need it lm sicker than he is.Every talk or disscusion we had leaves me feeling worse to the point for days on end we didn't speak at all how frustrating. Even when I try my hardest to be the most loving attentive housewife I catch him out in another lie and even when its obvious he still denies it turns yet again and brings up something from my past so I cant win, then I start resenting myself for doing it. I got to the point 3 weeks ago that my anger boiled inside of me and l snapped I couldnt take it any longer, he was standing over me and I pushed him away and l got the shock of my life he chased me to the bedroom beat me and then tryed to strangle me.The police where called and he has been charged, sadly he still thinks l deserved it as I started it. Court proceedings are in progress as we have 3 small children.It is our 6th wedding aniversery today and he dropped a ring in my letter box and after all this time I know the drill, he is trying to be the nice guy again and lm being manipulated again so I told him to stay away from the house. Ive been crying all day and I hate myself for being so weak and still loving him help ?
Nikita76 Nikita76
36-40, F
1 Response Dec 15, 2012

I have a similar experience. You are doing the right thing by making sure the violence stays outside of your house for your children's sake. There is nothing as frustrating as passive aggressive behaviour, hearing constantly you are not good enough, that you have a problem, when you know well you don't, just because you're trying to talk things out and have some intimacy, or because you want to be able to ask him to do something. I get so mad too and I've kicked my passive aggressive (more aggressive than passive lately) out of the house to protect my daughter from an atmosphere of constant tension. Anyway, good luck to you. You are very brave. I hope your good friends are there for you.