I Have Seen Ep Frequently Linked On Sexless Marriage

This is my first posting. I have seen the most thoughtful and detailed coverage on sexless marriage in links to EP. This seems to be a very comprehensive forum, and is appreciated..My only suggestion or comment for this topic is the category has two divisions, partly sexless marriage and totally sexless marriage. There is a significant difference, but they are typically lumped together. It would be a totally different feeling to be able to reconnect this way, if even infrequently. Just my opinion -  and thanks again for this useful forum!
gaEngineer gaEngineer
56-60, M
1 Response Jan 17, 2013

What does one do when a husband get tired of living in a sexless marriage, I can answer for one way a man cancels this kind of life.
Last year I was going to go to a republican political fund raiser with a friend of my husbands father, We did not expect my husband to be released from a stress center for another week, but the morning that the event was to happen the center called me and my father in law telling us he needed a ride home, I have very bad tunnel vision so I don't drive, My father in law told the center it would do my husband good to walk the 20 miles home from the center, it would build his character. He knew if he came home there was going to be trouble, We figured that walking the distance he would be home the next day,
I had just finished getting ready when I heard the door open, I went to the living room to see who it was, and my husband was there, he said where did I think I was going and I told the truth about doing a favor for his father and his best friend. My husband informed me those plans no longer applied, there was only going to be one person that I was with that evening, he read off the list off what he had done for me over the years, then he said the way I see it you owe me 31 years of married life. I tried to negotiate that evening with my husband, I said I will have your fathers friend bring me to wherever you want to meet after the event. I said we will call your father and mother and sit down for several hours in a l place and get thing settled to every ones satisfaction,
My husband could have cared less about what every ones interests were, now only his applied, I took for the door when he ripped the dress off of me saying he paid for it; it stays. I knew at that point that he was going to take every thing he had been denied, I begged please not like this but he said your payment is overdue on 31 years, He was not brutal but he was forceful. That cane had built lots of upper body strength over the last three years, and he forced me on the living room floor. I no longer refuse him any more.
I did try marital rape charges, but he did something else that I thought was never going to happen. He read my journals and gave them to the DAs office. The womens advocate read them to and came back with her recommendation that they not persue the charge, she said he did force the sex, but if my journals of the last thirty one years were presented he would walk out the door of the court a free man and the jury would hang me, she said in your hand you stole from your husband, you helped maintain an indentured servant, you never returned a married life to the man that supported you for decades. This is extortion and fraud.
I dropped my charge, my husband used my journals to get many others in serious troubles about conspiracy to deny civil rights to my husband.
His father and many others did not look at it as a civil rights violation, we though it was a way to make my husband the better man, We loved the complements we received on how nice it was my husband gave up his time so someone else did not have to work. or how nice my husband was for not taking a job he wanted.
In 2001 after a brain surgery all this stopped, he took a job hurting four men badly. Since then its been one non cooperation after the other, requiring armed response every holiday to get him to work. Even firearms now draw his wrath, the last time it was tried he told the two men holding pistols on him the better leave him dead. his father said there is nothing he can do. My husband showed up where we were at breakfast and the two that held pistols on him had my husbands red oak cane in their faces, laying them open to the bone, he stood over his father and told him that the pain he caused over 32 years was going to be felt as my husband impale him with it in 32 seconds.
My husband had recorded unknown to me the incident that occurred on the porch 35minutes before The police said the castle doctrine still applied. They released my husband after watching the video.
Everyone that was involved in the subjugation of my husband has paid a dear price so far, there have been civil and criminal charges filed.
I wish this control project never started. it was ill conceived fro the start. And it became a habit to say no, now he is the contoller, teats everyone like they are to be stepped on. I guess we desearve this because we stepped on him for so long. I find its no fun to be the one that is in charge, the one controlling my life, but this is where he feels safest in this now.
I like the suggestions to leave. its been thought of. but he has not hurt me, just made me sore when I resisted last year. In recompence I offered to let him go to high range with my female best friend this month. She told me if was not married to him she would take him and rn away with him.
My husband lived a life that was honorable, I did him wrong with the help of others, I am trying to figure out just what I can do to get my husband out of this combative mode. Just start living, but that is not going to happen.

Is this real? It does not sound authentic for anyone in the USA

Yes its real, the last incident happened two weeks ago when my husband decided he was not going to allow me to go on another tri yearly vacation without him this time, He was specifically not invited by his father. I offered a compromise that I just be left to work him into the next one in three years somehow. That did not fly. I begged not to get anyone else angry, he had not been on any of the last ten over 30 years so please just allow some time to allow me to lay some groundwork for the next time. That was met with a lot of foul words about my statues as the community girlfriend. When we arrived at our hotel I knew the anger was in place, There was one more attempt to just get my husband to go home, failed hard, his father went and bought a baseball bat, came to our room screaming about my husband not taking another right without it being offered and given. My husband broke his fathers neck and another 33 year tradition was trashed, I had hoped to be in Cancun and on a cruise these last two weeks but I ended up coming home to a foot of snow, His father went to a hospital and my husband is planning the vacation with the money the lines returned to keep trouble off their ship.
I feel my husband has become a very petty person, I am sorry he was abused as he was for over four decades, but when he became obstinate it became every ones goal to control him now many have been badly hurt for their interference in his life,
I was not left out of his anger when two years ago he decided I was no longer going to as he says hold him hostage with my sex, and he raped me.
All I wanted was a life in peace, Now I have a husband that we are being told to not interfere with what he wants any longer, He suffers as the phsyc doctors say from PTSD. Bought on by two desperate surgeries, one a hole drilled to the center of my husbands head he should not have survived to get a tumor, Then eight years later one to repair and fuse his spine after MRSA set into it.
He feels we stole 33 years of his life and cares nothing about waiting any more just to get things to settle out, I don't even ant to try and interfere one more time with his agenda, he will just stomp on ours if it does interfere.
In the state of Indiana there are conditions where people have been held in bondage, we did it through blackmail, intimidation, promises of a better future if he would just forgo something he wanted, now he is collecting on every promise. even if it means pain.

I think I understand why he wont agree to wait any longer, I told you about the MRSA surgery in 2009, He was in bad pain for 2 months, He had been in and out of the ER seven times, the last he was begging to die, After they discovered the abcess in his spine he was sent for surgery. He died twice on the table that night, When the doctor talked to us he said he was tempted just to let him stay dead the last time because his spine looked like Swise cheese. He told us his quality of life was not going to be anything in a wheelchair.
Before we went to the mid east three years ago his father was in his room at rehab before we left, His father told his son that he had to understand there were more important people than needed jobs, the time off, the vacation slots m husband had rights to, and we could not have for seen this happening to him, just accept there were winners in life and losers. That he just happened to lose, That was the first time I heard the charge we stole 3 decades of his life, he said when he beat this one third micron bug he was taking everything he had been denied starting with his marriage, His father just laughed at him, said since he was going to be in a wheelchair there really wasn't a dam thing he was going to do was there. I saw mu husband pick up stainless steel bedpan his father stood up an demanded what he was doing, my husband said doing a dam thing, his father got hit in the face with the bedpan knocking him out for a few minutes, the nurses sedated and I told him I would see him in a few weeks, he spit at me and told me to just stay in the Mideast, he did not need me to rob him any more. That last time I went on vacation feeling pretty bad, feeling I had been told I was less than a snake in the grass, I really just went through the motions that time trying to think of a way to make up three decades to my husband, I had been in an affair six months at the time thinking my husband was now never getting the marital life he wanted before, I saw my BF five times over the next year. I finally realized that my husband had reserves nobody could ever imagine and told him I needed to stop. Starting with his destruction things went from bad to worse, there isn't a compromise in my husband now he wants me any where but near him and our son, He says his son will never be held as a slave like he was, that's why he wont allow his father much contact. I have to much to lose if I leave. HIs father is swearing that what happened is not the end, He wants my husband put away in prison or a mental institution. All because my husband wont obey now.