"I Am In Shock Right Now"

If you are reading this story to better understand the irony of this please read my mothers day story. I haven't heard from my ex husband my son's father in seven years. This has been very hard for my son. Today actually this morning the day before Mothers Day I got a phone call from a family member that my ex called them and that he was very emotional, crying and asked for me to call him. This is not like the man I knew. He didn't cry for nobody! He was too macho and hard for all of that!! So I worried a little that something must really be wrong and I better call him. For seven years I have had no way to contact him and I didn't even know his whereabouts.

 When I called him I could tell he had been crying. To my shock he starts apoligising for what the way he treated me during our marriage and for the way he had abdoned our son. My son was in the room during all of this and refused to speak to him. He is 16 yrs old now and full of emotions of resentment towards his father. So I didn't push the issue. His father goes on to tell me that 2 years ago he got married. In fact he married the same woman he has another son with. She joined the Army and went to Iraq. When she came back home he suspected she was cheating on him. He decided to come home from work early one day and caught her red handed having sex with a man in their bed! He has a real bad temper so of course he went off and beat the guy up real bad and ended up doing a little time in jail. He is now on probation and she has their son. He is not even allowed visitation rights to see his other son. They divorced 6 mos ago. He told me he thinks he is being payed back for what he did to me.

 If you read my story about mothers day you will notice that in 1993 I caught him cheating on me. I left him 2 days later and she moved in. She got pregant 6 mos later before our divorce was final. Ok heres the interesting part. This woman is the same woman in this story that he married and caught cheating on him. Whats even more ironic is that he gives me this news one day before Mothers Day! I mean whats that all about? Don't get me wrong I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone not even him. But here it is 14 years later and I am stunned!She did the same thing to him that he did to me 14 years ago! I don't feel sorry for him in the decisions he made regarding our son and not having a relationship with him but I do feel bad for him for this other incident of finding his wife cheating on him. I know that is weird and maybe most people would think he deserved it I just know how much it hurt when he did the same thing to me. He wants to visit my son now and my son is less than thrilled about the whole thing. What a mess! I don't want to force the issue because my son has a mind of his own and has not even seen his father is seven years! His father has since called me several times and wants to come visit my son. I have tried to get my son to talk about this and right now he isn't really saying much. I know all this sounds dramatic and I am not trying to be a drama queen here by any means. You would have to understand that this man was my first love and the love of my life! He walked away from me which is one thing but left our son too over seven years ago. Now he wants to come back around. I was not prepared for this and I know my son has mixed feelings. I am not sure how to handle this. I thought when this day came or if it ever did that I would know exactly what to say. The truth is I don't know! He acts like he wants to be friends with me and he has called several times this weekend. He says he dosen't blame our son for hating him or not wanting to see him but he wants to come visit us and try to make it up to him. I was dumbfounded! I didn't even know how to respond to that. Its one of those things that you can say oh I dare him to ever call here like nothing happened and I'll just tell him like it is!! When the time comes though its like you don't know what to say or do! Does this make sense to anyone? Help!!!

cmost cmost
36-40, F
3 Responses May 12, 2007

And, last advice take it or leave it: He was absent from your son´s life and dissapeared like a ghost. He had the cold blood to not contact your son. Now he calls frequently when you, in the past, could not reach him. Why are you allowing this, that he can call whenever he wants?? Why he feel so righteous about this and the whole thing of calling? Tell him he is not allowed to call nor he should had and that your son will contact him whenever he feel is the right time and whenever he wants to, if ever. That is my advice and the fair thing to do. If your son contact him is because your son wants to maybe in the future, with NO pressure. NO pressure. Best luck in this one

I am sorry to tell you this he is coming back to you because things with his mistress turned wife didnt go the way he planned. Suddenly, he got very paternal. Yes, he is older, he is alone, and the woman he decided was worthly of leaving his family (you and your small son) is gone. And did the same to him. Otherwise he would not have left his son. He could stop to love you, he could had left you, but leave a son, hey you gotta have a stony heart to do that. The 1st man in your life and the love of your life should be your 16 year old son (he may look big but he is still a little kid) not that man.DO NOT push the issue with your son, your son has all the right of not wanting to discuss it. And if he does not want to discuss it, then it is not time to see "the father". Tell your ex your son will contact him whenever he wants, maybe someday maybe never. Don´t torture a 16 old kid with difficult situations and decisions if he does not feel like it. Please. There is nothing confusing about it. With all due respect I am telling yout this. If he gets back to you will he abandon the small son he had with the other woman? Oh no, right, he did not abandon him, she got full custody, he can´t not see his other son and now he remembers he has a son he left many years ago because the other one is out of reach. Sorry if I am mean but I am trying to give you some insight and common sense. Think about your child and how more damaged he can be as a result of this, you will never know if the man has changed (I think he is regretful because of the circumstances of his life but not truly regretful). In this life you make decisions and you pay the consequences. Your child has payed also for his irresponsible decisions, a child always struggles when a parent suddenly abandons them. And your son (and you) were innocents victims but you payed also for his decisions. So he must accept the consequences of his actions. <br />
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In one thing is right: He got payed back to what he did to you. But now, go on with your life and give your child a steady ground not shakiness. Teenagers need a high self steem this is not helping. Go on with your life, there are plenty of men that are worth the love you can give. I couldnt be with friends with a person that did that to me, abandoned me and my child. Think, could you be a friend with such a person?. Really? that comes out of the blue? Friendship is trust and respect he didnt divorce you he left his small son. Tell your child he´s got a mom that loves him no matter what and will always be for him and that, sometimes, adults makes stupid decisions but those decisions does not relate to our own worth. And we can learn a lesson from those decisions and how people can end. Raise your child to be a responsible and loving father and husband and be more worried about that than in thinking how to give back your son to that man. He is not the love of your life, because the love of your life can not possibly do that to you. Your son should be first, second, and third. Good luck

wow....drama drama. you just put high school to shame lol (in a good way...i think..either way i mean it in a good way lol)