They Like To Be Called Them And I Just Asked Them On A Date

They said yes.

I have been out as a lesbian for three years now. When I joined my school's queer-straight alliance, I became more educated about trans* people. There is this person in my QSA--lets call them Mary. Mary likes the pronouns "they, them" because theyre not exactly sure what their gender is.

Since the day we met, I have always been curious about Mary. They have this personality that is ridiculously out-going and attractive. Today I saw them sitting alone during lunch. Mary looked like they were about to cry, so I sat down and we started talking. They told mee they were sad that no one ever asks them out--and since I was so curious about them, I decided to ask them out and they said yes.

Im super excited to see how this goes---but its really different for me to use the plural gender neutral prounoun "they" when talking about just one person. I really do respect them and want to use their prefered pronoun. But right now Im feeling a little overwhelmed. Im terrified of messing up and calling them "she" by mistake or saying something that will offend them.

When just the two of us are together, its fine because I use the singular (gender neutral "you"). Im just afraid I won't be able to adjust. I feel like thats a horrible reason not to date someone, so I'm diving head first into this one.
rxcsoccerstar rxcsoccerstar
22-25, F
5 Responses Nov 26, 2012

If you are worried that you will make a mistake in front of them, clarify beforehand that you are getting used to the new pronoun and that you accept them, no matter what gender identity they have!


You're a riot <3 XD AHHHHHHH

You will do fine. Tell them you worries about the possibility about forgetting to use their preferred pronoun and tell them you respect them and would never intentionally mess it up. If you make a mistake, correct it and move on. Peace!

I love this, I love your attitude, it's so beautiful! I hope that you and they are doing well. :) Young people like you, obviously very intelligent, with open minds and big hearts, give me faith in the future of humanity; thank you for that.

You have a very open mentality about this. The fact that you're trying in the first place will mean the world to them. They won't get upset if you slip now and then. They may discover in time how they want to identify in the future. Give it time, and be happy together. ^_^