Mexicano

Hi iam 26 years old, from Mexico and this year a lot of changes in my life have happend. I knew that i was gay when i was 15 years old, it was hard, ´cause my family are so conservative and my father grew up in a ranch, so we must be man. Anyway, i grew up in a small town where religion is the school, gay people were not allowed. I felt frustrated. But i idecide to focus in practice sport, being good at school, traveling, and passing time with friends, i had some girlfriends, and well i felt good that i thought that i maybe i was not gay. But one day i felt that i was in love of my best friend, and i felt frustrated ´cause i did not have someone to talk about it.

I was good at school, good sport player, i was having succesfull things durign the college, but i was always thinking that i wanted to fell in love, to mmet someone to be eith and share things, emotions, eat out, run out, etc. But i was in the closet, then i moved to the capital of my state to finish the college, i met new people, i was having a good time but i was still alone, i had some girl firends, but i felt sad being a lier. So one day i decide to be alone i dot not want to hurt a girl.

I keep myself going on at the gym, dancing, traveling, meeting people, working hard and studying, trying not to think in a relationship, etc.

in 2009 i had the opportunity ti be in a summer camp in USA, it was a good experience, i think there is a Dan, before to got, and Dan after it. I change my mind during the summer, i met nice people and i had the opportunity to see that life shouldnt be sad and alone.

When i got back to mexico, i decide to meet guys, and i met nice friends, but they were also in the closet, this year, i decide to tell to my sister that iam gay, she could not believe, she told me "but u dont look as gay" it was funny, that day we talked a lot, i felt good, really good, finally someone who i love from my family knew it, i felt free. She also told me: "My father will never accept it, never" but i will help u.

Then i told it to my closed closed friends, and they were happy.

A big problem for me is that at my job i cant be "gay", my position is kind of important, so it´s hard to meet people again, sometimes i feel that maybe i will alone all my life without someone to hug, to call, to send messages, to kiss, to sleep with, to wake up every morning.

I felt sad last days, ´cause well the year is finishing and o thought that i would have someone for me, but it did not happend. I am spending my time at the gym and hanging out with friends. i wanna meet more friends around the world, next year i hope to go to europe.

If you want to share things with me, we can share emails, skype, etc.

Well thanks to read it.

Dan fron Mexico.
Danb26 Danb26
31-35, M
3 Responses Dec 3, 2012

Hi will, well i know guilt is terrible, that´s why i decide not to hurt anygirl, and iam happy, maybe afraid, ´cause dont want to spent my life alone, but it´s complicated living in a small town, anyway. Try to keep u. if is late, well maybe u dont need to do nothing or maybe u are still in time. Good day!

thank you for sharing your story. it feels so similar to mine, but to me i wanted to ignore these feelings and wear a mask for the rest of my life. i fell for a girl, got married, thinking that being gay would go away or thoughts of being with a guy was just "my thing". in fact i didnt even believe that i was gay - i certainly didnt and dont want to be. so now i feel stuck and that its too late. guilt is a terrible thing. hope you are well, w.

Welcome to EP and thank you for writing your first story!

I'm straight, but I respect you as a person who just happens to have different sexual preferences than I do.
I wish you all the best.