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Toxic Mother-in-law

Right to the point. I recently finished a straight relationship and started to date a lesbian. She is my first experience but she's been dating girls since she was 14. As soon as I decided that I wanted to be with her I talked to my mom and she accepted me and my big change. But my girlfriend has NEVER talked about her preferences with her parents and all the girls she's taken home are just "close friends".

At first I tought it wont affect me but now it's been a year and I feel that I'm just a shadow in her life. Not because she lives in "the closet", but because her mom is not an usual mother with her... First of all, her mother wants her to get married because she wants grandkids. Second, her mother is homophobic; and third, because she is "obsessed" with her daughter. Yes, obsessed. She said it herself. Once she said that she loves her son as well but that with her daughter was different, that she just was obsessed with her.

Her mother wants to do everything she does, wear the same clothes sometimes, go to the same places, taste whatever she tastes... well... She calls her a hundred times a day (most times without reason). It's been hell. Sometimes she (my girlfriend) talks about moving to the states to live on her own (and with me) and her mom says she will sell the house and move to the states with her.

I'm trying to be understanding because her decision of staying in the closet is firm and final. She says her mom would be severely affected if she says the truth.

I will never be a first in her life. We will never be able to move together. I will be just a shadow and I'm sad because she is okay with that. She likes her life as it is.

We get along great and enjoy many things together. Sex is great and we love each other. But that's it. And it's consuming my soul and happiness.
justashadowpr justashadowpr 26-30, F Dec 30, 2012

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