Half In, Half Out of the Closet.....

I suppose I've always known I'm not straight really. I know I like girls a LOT more than guys, so you could say I'm a lesbian, because my sexual preference would be for women, but I'm still attracted to some guys. And I don't believe in boundaries, at least not untill you're ready to commit to a person of either gender. Why limit your life? thats like being straight and in denial.

So anyway, I came out of the closet to my Dad and step family about 6 months ago. All their friends and relatives know, and most of them are cool with it. People who don't even know me know I'm somebody's Bi step-sister. I've also told my best guy friend, who lives quite far away, and he's told quite a few of his mates. Strange how I suddenly had 5 people I've never met all dying to meet "the mysterious bisexual from down south". I'd tell anyone at my drama group if they asked too.

But that's Friday to Monday.

Monday to Friday thats a different story, thats when I get back in the closet. I'm straight on the weekdays. Not by choice. I go to an all girls school. Very Homophobic. One of my best friends is fine with gays but terrified of lesbians. There's a girl there, Whom everyone hates. Because she is a lesbian. I'm the only one that's nice to her. People don't think I'm gay/bi for being her friend, for some reason. I think they've known me too long and can't quite imagine it. My homophobic friend is always teasing us and calling her names. I know that even she doesn't think I'm bi. If she really did, she'd run a mile. The homophobic atmoshere makes me sick. I'm going to come out before I leave in a few months. See if they treat me differently. cuz my friend was openly gay from day 1 and has only been here 2 years. But they've always thought I'm straight for seven years. I learned from my mistakes. They all called me lesbian at my primary school. I just said i was because I didn't even know what one was, let alone that I prefered girls, lol.

As for my maternal family. They think I'm straight, or Asexual. My mother would love it if I were Asexual. She hates men, but I'm pretty sure she'd have a problem with me liking girls too. It's a pathetic attitude really, I'm obviously never going to be honest with her. And she doesn't deserve my honesty anyway, as she clearly doesn't know how to be honest herself. To top it off, My gran whom I live with on the weekdays is your average stereotypical Homophobic, racist, sexist, 80 something year old.

TO ANYONE THINKING OF COMING OUT: go for it. So long as you're pretty sure you've got an open minded audience. It does actually feel pretty amazing to come out to people. It's really liberating, it feels a bit like you've been constipated your whole life and now you can just relax. It's one of the best highs in the world.

Zarfo Zarfo 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 18, 2009

Your Response


i am a girl, 15 and bi. i'm too terrified to come out to my family. all of my friends know but i can't tell any of my 7 siblings or my parents because i'm afraid of how they'll react. to top it, i'm a little bit IN LOVE with my p.e teacher and i am afraid that if more people find out that i'm bi, they might tab the fact that i like her. any suggestions about what to do would be really welcome :/

The only queer people are those who don't love anybody. ~ Rita Mae Brown ~

Love is a gift to great to put a lable on. To your self be true. Being a loving human being. What ignorance and selfishness it takes to not love someone merely because of their race, or religion, or nationality, or gender, or sexuality. Be true to yourself and love all creation by loving the one you desire.

You're neither unnatural, nor abominable, nor mad; you're as much a part of what people call nature as anyone else; only you're unexplained as yet -- you've not got your niche in creation. ~ Radclyffe Hall (The Well of Loneliness, 1928) ~

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 to 1962) ~

There is nothing mixed up about a woman who loves women, who wants to have sex with them, or who identifies as a lesbian. It is society that is mixed up because it punishes people for not conforming to its gender stereotypes. ~ Edward Stein, editor of Forms of Desire: Sexual Orientation and the Social Constructionist Controversy ~

The love expressed between women is particular and powerful, because we have had to love in order to live; love has been our survival. ~ Audre Lorde ~

“Our visions begin with our desires.” ~ Audre Lorde ~

I can't really define it in sexual terms alone although our sexuality is so energizing why not enjoy it too? ~ Audré Lorde ~

Part of the lesbian consciousness is an absolute recognition of the erotic within our lives and, taking that a step further, dealing with the erotic not only in sexual terms. ~ Audre Lorde ~

"The erotic is a resource within each of us that lies in a deeply female and spiritual plane, firmly rooted in the power of our unexpressed or unrecognized feeling..." ~ Audré Lorde ~

I became a lesbian because of women, because women are beautiful, strong, and compassionate.

~ Rita Mae Brown ~

The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself. ~ Rita Mae Brown ~

Live. Love. Give. Recieve. Be yourself, be happy, love who you are.