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Careless Whispers In The Dark

A recent corporate retreat in Chicago proved to be the launching pad for another incredible transition. That transition involved my EP sisters and the nature with which they fit into my emotional and soulful core. When I came to EP, I was a shadow trying to learn to live in the light in the wake of a death in the family. The catch is if you really want to live in the LIGHT then you must be willing to accept the pain, the discomfort and the agony that comes with it. You can't have it be paradise all the time unless you happen to be a sociopath or psychopath as you please. Nowhere was this more highlighted then with a few of my EP sisters, you see in each other; we sought to avoid the real world. To all but cross it out entirely and it worked for a time. Two years to be exact and then the inevitable happened, we realized that we could not find our dreams here. We couldn't hide from the world any longer . . . for that matter we could no longer find our endless comfort with each other over morning coffee and donuts.

I saw it unfolding like a traffic accident and decided instead of sitting, just watching it unfold – to take action. I went to my EP sister and told her it was time for a change. Ironically another EP sister had given me a similar speech of sorts a few years ago that eventually led to a falling out and then a reconciliation. I want her to find her dreams in the real world, not that I wouldn't be a phone call away you realize but rather that we needed to be united yet independent. I wasn't sad or angry, just kind of in a state of acceptance in truth. This had gone as far as it could ever hope to go without compromising major barriers. I was happy though because I had the next generation of lifelines who were just as eager as she was to step up to the challenging enigma that I am and always will be. The first time I heard my new lifeline's voice, I knew I would be in good hands. So it's not like I didn't have others who would be able to catch me, I've already covered the fact that I have a HPS in my life. Despite the horror stories you've heard about how they are not to be trifled with and the legendary tales of their endurance . . . rest assured that they also make excellent friends. They are arguably as committed to your health and wellbeing as you are, they won't hesitate to tell you to take it easy if they feel there's a risk of strain.

Getting back to my original point, I simply don't have the stamina to let people into the core of my heart and soul these days when there's often no realistic hope of meeting the people face to face. During the absences of two of my EP sisters, it really hit me hard just how much I'd had built my world around these people whom though magnificent . . . had their own lives along with their own dreams to tend to. One international sister went through a tumultuous time with two prospective suitors, after hearing firsthand accounts of the hell she endured at the hands of both: the thought came to my mind that I needed people accessible to me. I made the initial call during my current transition and if the circumstances in a year or so call for a re-evaluation, I would be more than up for it however there would be one condition in place. That condition is no going back, no going back to the sweet thereafter ground that we are so familiar with etc. No way in hell would I agree to that, the only way I would agree or be willing to put effort in any re-evaluation would be if there were agreed upon changes to the way we had conducted ourselves for these two years. There's nothing wrong with those two years, we just can't go back to that style of living for it is soulrender in the end of things. All you end up left with is shattered vessels and shards where dreams once stood. That being said, I don't ever expect there to be a re-evaluation and I told my friend this. While I never say never, I truly don't believe it will be necessary.

deleted deleted 26-30 Mar 9, 2011

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