I Wasn't Born This Way.

I was a loving little girl. But through abuse, it was trampled out of me. My life has been nothing but hell from early on.

diredepths diredepths
46-50, F
4 Responses Mar 19, 2009

I was born without the necessary chemistry to experience love. I have never known it. I think the closest I got was with a car. It's a very lonely, cold world when you're less human. Docs are trying lots of drugs on me now, but I haven't felt anything yet. <br />
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People devote whole tomes to this 'love' thing, but it's just chemistry. Nothing to write home about, it seems.

I was born without the necessary chemistry to experience love. I have never known it. I think the closest I got was with a car. It's a very lonely, cold world when you're less human. Docs are trying lots of drugs on me now, but I haven't felt anything yet. <br />
<br />
People devote whole tomes to this 'love' thing, but it's just chemistry. Nothing to write home about, it seems.

cbm1 if you are getting this, please delete your non-sense comment. Nobody victimizes oneself deliberately.

Could it be because .. you choose to continue to victimize yourself .. through your past?. Stop and ask yourself that..and be honest.. isn't it easier to wear it like a badge to justify who we are .. because we don't have to do anything to change it because it just is.. no effort .. to just keep wallowing in self pity...The past is over ,,done.. dead.. the only one keeping it alive is you... I too have been that person.. as a child I didn't have that free will.. the choices were taken from me.. but that isn't me NOW... I refuse to be that person.. wallowing in self pity, why me.. look at me now ,, I can't do anything because of my past... I say put it behind you and start healing yourself... why are you still empower these people ? why are you allowing them and their actions to hold you hostage? why are you allowing yourself to be held in the past .. that certainly doesn't get you into the now ...Seek the help that you need if you haven't already... cut the cords that bind you to these people.. eliminate them from who you want to be.. allow yourself to live the life of the person that which you long to be .. You are the only one now holding yourself back. Good luck in finding who you would love to be.. many blessings to you..