Dissociation (weird, Huh?)

With the divorce agreement signed, I am fixing the martial home for sale and looking to find a place to land.  Now, one would think that I should be relieved and on an upswing… elation and jubilance abounding.  But somewhere in the  last months , I don’t know when, my cognitive state became detached from the emotion that my body feels.  My skin is having a near allergic stress reaction, I will sleep fitfully for 12 hours and wake up exhausted and where normally I would be vexed with self doubt and questioning in a personal conflict, I am now quick with an “FU and have a nice day”.  My body makes me pay, the same as always, but my brain does not care anymore.  I sleep, don’t read, don’t watch tv, don’t go out much.  A chronic long term planner, I now just react to whatever situation that is in front of me.  I have become accustomed to disappointment and watching saving flow out the door to lawyers, my drunken ex-wife and their cronies.  Had to write a $45,000 check out to the ex…  didn’t even blink. 
Don’t know what’s happed to me.  Don’t have a clue.  Not sure I care either, just sort of reporting this like it’s some clinical observations done on someone other than me.
Weird, huh?
Baroquenhorse Baroquenhorse
51-55, M
1 Response Mar 22, 2012

Divorce, even when the situation is untenable is always extremely stressful. Maybe you chose divorce, and the sale of your house, but not without good reason. Remember when you chose that same house it was to be a happy home, and the woman who was your wife, you planned on spending your whole lives together. No doubt there are dreams you both shared that are lost, now entirely unattainable. Its grief that is affecting you so, for the loss of your dreams and plans, for the young woman you once loved, who is lost to you both. <br />
Peace will come in time, meanwhile be gentle with yourself.