Situation At Work - I'm Losing Myself In This Infatuation

Hello everyone! I am new here and it's a long story. But I will appreciate all the opinions. I have about 10 minutes to type it so I hope there are not too many mistakes there.
My husband and I work at the same place. Before I joined the company he worked in the department that I am working in now. Just before I got the job he resigned from his position and joined a different section of the company.
When I started this job we were still together but already on the rocks in our relationship but he introduced me as his wife, we have two children. We are both attractive people and my husband is very well regarded by all the people at work. I am much younger (we have 16 years gap) and I could see that people were amazed that I was as young and as good looking, well based on the comments and glances and compliments.
So about 4 months ago my husband and I separated to be divorced, it is mutual and we straight away started telling family & friends but not people at work as we decided to take it slow and get used to the idea of us being apart, etc.
Then I noticed this guy at work, he was always polite saying Hi and calling me by name even though we never spoke, eye contact but no conversations, he is really quiet and kind of a loner. He got my attention and I started to like him. We would say hi to each other and I was drawn to him, wanted to talk, etc.
Then I just felt that we should start telling everyone at work about our separation as I was sick and tired of the situation where everyone assumed we were happilly married but in fact our marriage was over. So I spoke to my soon to be ex-husband and we decided that there was no need to keep it a secret and slowly started telling people at work.
At the same time I was falling for this guy really badly. But since we work in a really big place and very often we have different breaks and there are always other people around all of whom know my husband it was almost impossible to have "one on one"conversation. Once we flirted and it was obvious there was some chemistry there. After that we still looked at each other but there was a little tension on his part but I felt he liked me he was just more aware of the attration, but I could be wrong of course. He knew then that I was married.
Once we happened to be sitting close together with no other people around and I started casual conversation with him, he responded well and then I said that he probably knows my ex-husband he said yes he knew him and then his eyes got wide and he asked me three times whether he heard me correctly about the "EX" part, then he said he did not know that we were no longer together and pointed out that I still used my married name,I said I was not going to change it as my maiden name was really long. We talked more about other things and had more smiles and eye contact after that. Of course I started that conversation to let him know I was separated and available. I think I did a good job as it came out naturally.
It was about two weeks ago and since then we had somewhat conflicting schedules and saw each other only in passing and when I did see him I did not get the usual vibe from him, or maybe I was just waiting for him to ask me out and now I am feeling disappointed overanalyzing the situation. I have no idea I am just suffering and cannot get him out of my head. It seems he kind of shut down, but once again I could be expecting too much too soon.

My dillemas are, just main points/hurdles that are on my mind:

1) Does he even like me?

2) We work together........some people do not want to date at work

3) He might have a long term partner or a gf !!!

3) Is it foolish to expect him to ask me out considering the fact that he knows my ex, they are not mates but used to work close together and we all work in the same venue (diff. depps).

4) I have two children and he most likely knows it.

5) Looking back I can see that he never really made any effort to have a real conversation with me, just eye contact which I could misread. But he thought I was married.

6) He might be just a nice, polite guy and was not "looking" at me in any special way it was just me wanting to see it that way.....

7) Let's assume he really likes me, how long does it take for him to act on it?

The main Qs I have is

Do I keep smiling at him and looking at him to encourage him to approach me or I've done enough and if he likes me it is his call now? I have lost any ability to look at the situation with sober eyes, I have emotions, dreams and for some reason sense of loss. I am at the stage now where I think I made it all up and the guy could not care less!

And is it possible for a man to have strong feelings towards a woman but NEVER do anything about it?

I feel really stupid because of this, one minute I think he is in love with me, the next minute I despair that it is ALL just my imagination.

Thanks, everyone. I do not know how to snap out of it, I want this guy, but I want him to make the effort.
If you feel I am blind, please do not hesitate to let me know.


lonesea lonesea
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 15, 2010

Thank you for your comments. Some shifts we do not see each other at all and then just before going home we bump into each other. So it is very frustrating and of course I use it as an excuse as to why he has not approached me yet.<br />
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I will wait and see. I will not ask him out for a coffee though, I do not want him to agree because he likes me but nothing more, for all I know he might be involved with someone else.<br />
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I hope I remain strong & charming ;-)))

Oh, us girls can over-analyze the simplest of things when we like someone! Isn't that the truth?<br />
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I've experienced a situation similar to this a few different times and it has ended either way. If it were me (and it's not, this is just what I would do) give it another week or two. He could be having a difficult time at work for him, maybe he's under some pressure or maybe it really does have to do with different break schedules.<br />
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He could just be "that guy" - the guy that makes eye contact, perhaps is flirty by nature, and didn't mean anything but it at all. I think if you give it another week or two you'll have your answer. If you can't wait that long (infatuation does not equal patience) I say ask the guy if he wants to go get coffee or something after work one of these days. Completely casual that can be asked in a friendly or more-than-friendly way. <br />
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I can understand the problem with that is holy-cow-what-if-he-says-no-I-have-to-see-him-at-work. Ya just never know unless you try. :) Hope that helps.

I completely sympathize with your situation. However, I do not feel I could give the best advice on this at this time. The only thing I can think of is to just ask him. Ask him if he's in a relationship, ask if he's interested. I know it sounds risky, because it is. He may not be interested, but it is better to know than to have that crazy feeling. I know it is tough to think you know and then suddenly be questioning the signs you saw.