I Am Totally, Crazy In Love With My Cousin!!

I've been dating a guy 15 years older than me since I was 19 and I'm now 26, so we've been together 7 years. And my cousin is 9 years younger than me and we've been fooling around for most of those years, so I was cheating to be with my cousin. I remember when he was little that he'd crawl into my lap and put his arms around my neck and say "When I grow up, will you marry me?" And I always said "Of course I will sweaty" But he just recently decided (date was 4-30-10) that he can't do that with me anymore - 5 minutes after he got out of bed with me, by the way. I've been telling him the whole time that he can't touch me like that at grandma's because he's going to get us caught. And he didn't turn 18 until June 15th 2010, so I've ALWAYS held back because of his age - Not because we're cousins, I've never been bothered by that. And I think subconsciously I started dating someone that much older than me because I thought it wouldn't work out, and I was just keeping myself from being lonely until my cousin was old enough. I've always thought to myself when things don't work out with him, at least I have my cousin to turn to. I just couldn't stay away any longer, he just keeps getting hotter as he gets older and more man shaped than boy shaped. I Love Him with ALL my soul, and everyday I wake up without him I die a little more inside. I dream of him most nights, only to wake up and realize he won't ever be with me again. I've broken up with the boyfriend so that maybe my cousin would come back because I wouldn't be cheating anymore, but that didn't work. I didn't even notice that I'd fallen in love with him until he told me I couldn't be with him anymore. He knows EXACTLY how I want him to touch me without even asking me or me telling him. Now when I try to talk with him, he try's to tell me whatever he thinks will get me to leave him alone. I can tell he's trying to force himself to have a "normal life". I miss him SO BAD it hurts, and I can't breathe. I feel like I'm literally dying without him. My family keeps asking why I'm crying and "Is it because of your boyfriend?", and I say NO, it's because of my cousin. Then they tell me I'm over-reacting, but they don't know that we've slept together. My boyfriend keeps trying to get me back too. And I've told him most of what happened, just not that I actually cheated on him. I told him I wanted to so badly that it feels like I might as well have cheated on him. And I keep doing whatever I can to go see my cousin, so I don't understand why my boyfriend still wants me back. We still spend time together because he's grieving and has no one else but me to lean on. He keeps asking "Why can't you just fix things with your cousin and go back to the way it used to be? It kills me to see you this unhappy." I really, truly do not want to live anymore if I can't be with my cousin. I'm so lost, I need him to come back to me and I don't know what to do.
ilovewookiefoot ilovewookiefoot
26-30
5 Responses Jul 13, 2010

Dude, I want to know how this turned out!

In some places it is perfectly legal to marry your cousin. :)

Tell us more!

Is it ok to marry cuz???

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