I Hate/love Mi Cousin

i am not in love with mi cousin so plz dont take it that way. i just have a story. and this is it. i just moved to a new town bout 1 year ago. mi cousin lived down the street and we were always so distant. even when i lived there it was so distant. but when we saw eachother we would hangout and all sleep together. me mi sister mi cousin who is 16 and is a guy mi cousn who is 14 and is a guy and mi cousin who ia 9 and is a girl. it was so nice to have cousins that close and we all got along greeat. well i moved away but only 15 minutes driving away. well mi mom and his mom are sisters who are best friends so i would see mi cousins EVERY weekend. by the way im 14 and a girl lol. but nayways ok so prettie soon i got really close to mi 16 year old cousin. he became mi best friend. i of course had mi best friend in school but it would get to the point that i would rather hangout with him than mi friends. becuase i was so comfortable with him and i told him evreything and anything. meaning guys, friends, drama, alcohol, drugs everything. we soon became the best of friends. and prettie soon we started to sleep in the same bed ((((NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY)))) but only cuz we would fall asleep talking like you would with your best friend. well our friendship was going so great. he would call me regularly and i would call him too we would talk abotu everything. and when i was on trips he would always call and say that he misses me and that he loves me and that he cant wait tto hangout when i get back. it was seriously sooo perfect. like the pefect best friend relationship. lol i still remember during the summer before everything he would call me every night at 9 and we would fall asleep talking. that was the highlight of mi day and i would WAIT for him to call and talk about how our day went and who we liked. well he ended up going out with one of mi friends. and i always had issues with ANY of mi cousins talking to mi friends. it just buggs the crap out of me. like i dunno its weird. well we lost total trust in eachother. he lied i lied it was horrible. well we got past it and everything was fine. except for that one day in august. it was like any otheer day. him his brother and his sister came to spend the night. me his brother and him were on mi bed tlaking hanging out and ready to fall asleep. well me and him started cuddling. like out feet kept moving together and prettie soon our legs were entangled. then we started rubbing eachothers arms and back. well at the point i felt that it got sexual so after everything i wanted to talk about with him in the morning. well he completely shut down and wouldnt talkt o me at all. i cried about this so much not knowing wha tto do if anything was wrong with me or anything like that. well at that point everything changed. the phone calls stopped the hanging out stopped the sleeping in the same bed or the same room for that matter stopped and we totally lost touch. even tho every weekend we would still see eachother i avioded ERVYTHING. and he did too. and i cried EVREY SINGLE NIGHT cuz i missed him soooo much. well about 3  months later we hungotu and got along really well. we were about to fall asleep and like he always did i expected him to leave and go to the living room er something like usual. well he didnt. he stayed. AND IT HAPPENED AGAIN =[[ but worst because it got really sexual. he would massage mi boobs and it was sooooo sick. i know im so grossed out by this its horrfic. well i wanted to stop so badly but when i thought about it if this was the only way i could stay close with mi cousin i would take it. even tho it killed me even more. i cried again and it was horrible. well about 1 week later they came back and we slept in the same bed again and everthing. WELL IT HAPPENED AGAIN and worst. it only went a step farther than before but it was sooooo bad. that was the wrost part. and i cried sooo much but i dare not try to talk to him about it. i was and am still afraid about how he will react. well yeah thats mi story not the end of it tho. so a couple sleepovers after that we went back to not sleeping in the same bed. and it killed me yeno. ok well then he started talking to mi neighbor YES MI NEGHBOR. and i WAS really close with her we would hangout everyday it was so nice. but i just couldnt handle and deal with him and her. so i just ignored her and im still ignoring her. ok so since him and her have been talking alot we still slept in the same bed 2 times and we didnt do anything and it felt so good to not do anything yeno. but part of me still wants to connect with him that way again NOT BECAUSE I LIKED IT but because we sitll arent best friends and thats the only way i feel i can connect wiwth him. well thats mi story. and were doing a little better now lol i can remembr on new years i was looking for this song and i couldnt find it so i got upset well he came in and was like im gunna find this song for you if it kills me. and i loved him so much for it cuz it seemed like he cared again. i can tell when he cares because he will write me little notes and stuff like that. well he ruined it like an hour later when i found him in mi sisters room talking to mi neighbor on the phone TRYING TO HIDE IT. and i tell him i dont care and i dont make a big scene about it so i dont understand why he hides it. well things are back to the worst. no communication at all. i mean i feel like i try so hard. but i feel like he just doesnt care and doest care for me anymore as in like the best friend thing. lol and its so funnie cuz mi mom sees us fight all the time but she doesnt know any of this but she says you have a such a love/hate relationship with him. and i tell her you have no idea how much that explains us. well i still cry about this alot and i wait until i can connect iwth mi cousin in any way cuz i miss him so much. and i know for a fact im not in love iwth him becuase of the fact that there is this other guy who i like alot. but yeah so im 14 and he is 16 remmebr that. well it would be really great to get some sort of feedback or advice SOMETHING yenoo?


mmkay well im crying so much so time to finsih


=[[[

pinkloverrx10 pinkloverrx10
18-21, F
6 Responses Jan 7, 2007

You are 100 % right about the spelling and spell check I use it all the time........

you guys need to learn to type correctly and use spell check, I can't understand half of this story. and the post by cutegirlhaha doesn't make sense either.

im passing the same thing i think he is going to ask me to make mi friend and him together but i dont know what to do im in love with him i like him i dont even know what i feel sometimes im mad at me cuz he's my cousin my friend knows that and she wants to see us together but tomorrow im goin with her to school and i will see him i think he will ask me to make my friend and him together i dont know what to do any suggestions

no sex no love

I think you love him more than you know, and you want to be more sexual but are afraid of the taboo.

thats a love hate story:d