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Hiding

This year I began to withdraw myself from all and any social situations. At school I am in my own little world. I'll rest my head and dream of other things, of better things.

And people sometimes notice. And they ask me "why?"
"Why are you always so checked out?" "What's wrong with you?"

Well I rather be sleeping than facing a mirror. I rather be lost in my thoughts than focused on my appearence. I rather look the other way than compare myself to beautiful people. I rather be gone than here.
CrazyHippieChick CrazyHippieChick 18-21, F 8 Responses Jan 15, 2011

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We all have our insecurities. Some just have more than others. I myself am terribly insecure. I worry about others judging me when in reality I know only I do. No one else really is focused on the things that bring me down. I guess it helps t know that you aren't alone. I feel exactly as you do. I find comfort in my studies thought they bore me to no end, but I know there I will never be judged. When I study, no one can think how shy I am because no one else is there. It's just a means to fill my time productively. I know I can say a lot of things that I truly believe but that doesn't mean they are easily taken to heart. But, I can tell you, everyone does have something they are insecure about. The people you idolize and wish you were like have their faults as well. I guess we all just need to learn to love ourselves for who we are a bit more.

*hugs*

U are such a beautiful bright soul..I don't look in the mirror either but to brush my hair.brush my theeth I have more to offer than skindeep stuff.big hugs

Thanks berbuletta I am trying to change my outlook on myself and my therapist is really helping me.<br />
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Thanks again dear.

Thank you all for taking the time to comment and share your kind words.

i'm feeling especially emotional today. your comment brought back some very painful memories, and not a few tears. U have expressed the way i have lived my entire life. wishing i were different, smarter, better looking. as far back as can remember. i wanted to be anyone but me and anywhere but here. These feelings drove me to several suicide attempts, drugs, and all manner of deviant self-destructive behavior. It is critical to your lifes happiness that u come to terms with who u r. don't live a life of isolation and loniness. don't be like me. it sucks

Hi its not much fun comparing yourself to the pretty intelligent person as there is always someone better than you.The bueaty that is inside you will come out and this will be shown in your actions and deeds,you don't need a mirror or be einstien to be top of class in this.

Yeah, I completely understand.