Some DaysSometimes I hate everything about myself, and other days I think I'm alright. I will doubt myself a lot of the time because I never had re-assurance when I was growing up.
I love my mum with all my heart, but as much as she was physically there raising me, she wasn't always there to lead me as I was growing up. It's not her fault, because she had lots of health problems, lots of work to do which helped a lot of other people, and lots of times when my dad fought with her and it really affected her.
You can probably guess that my dad wasn't there either :p
All three of us sort of had to raise ourselves in a way. My mum was amazing raising us in a lot of ways, but in a lot of other ways we really had to teach ourselves. And I guess now, because I didn't have re-assurance in my decisions when I was younger and I didn't always have that loving and supportive environment, I doubt myself so much as an adult. And I have such issues with my confidence, because it was never something that was nurtured, I was always expected to keep quiet growing up.
Of course some days I think I turned out pretty well, and I'm happy with who I am and where I'm going in life :D
I just wish I could get past that doubt that I have about every aspect of myself, that doubt I experience a lot of the time. It really scares me, makes me feel alone and unlovable and horrible. And I know I'm not those things...
deleted 26-30 6 Responses 2 Aug 14, 2012