Some Days

Sometimes I hate everything about myself, and other days I think I'm alright. I will doubt myself a lot of the time because I never had re-assurance when I was growing up.

I love my mum with all my heart, but as much as she was physically there raising me, she wasn't always there to lead me as I was growing up. It's not her fault, because she had lots of health problems, lots of work to do which helped a lot of other people, and lots of times when my dad fought with her and it really affected her.
You can probably guess that my dad wasn't there either :p

All three of us sort of had to raise ourselves in a way. My mum was amazing raising us in a lot of ways, but in a lot of other ways we really had to teach ourselves. And I guess now, because I didn't have re-assurance in my decisions when I was younger and I didn't always have that loving and supportive environment, I doubt myself so much as an adult. And I have such issues with my confidence, because it was never something that was nurtured, I was always expected to keep quiet growing up.

Of course some days I think I turned out pretty well, and I'm happy with who I am and where I'm going in life :D

I just wish I could get past that doubt that I have about every aspect of myself, that doubt I experience a lot of the time. It really scares me, makes me feel alone and unlovable and horrible. And I know I'm not those things...
deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Aug 14, 2012

Your Response


By reading your post it seems to me that you actually went through alot yourself and you actually are a strong and independent in managing your own life.

But no one in this world born in a world where everything goes well and at times we ourself could never always get what we wants always in life.

Though we should always appreciate that we at least aint alone in this world as there are still people call 'friends' around u to always cheer u up:)

I understand, I sometimes hate everything about myself too, but by the sounds of it, you are a strong, confident, and responsible person. no doubt ; )

Same here!

Me too Melly! I'm very insecure and I hate it. You always have such wisdom to impart on others I highly doubt that you have any reason to second guess your decisions. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are great! :)

youve got me worried that i may be oblivious to having schizophrenia & that you are are one of my multiple personalities that i didnt realize existed.

seriously thou i know exactly how it feels to think like that & my life history matches yours almost identically.

I just try telling myself that I should be proud im not an arsehole althou i think if i were i would poss have a better way of life- damn even that had to include another bloody negative twist. . . . well I did say i try i supose, it has helped at sometimes i think thou but i cant recall any time it did off the top of my head at present. :$

i can relate completely to the very first sentence! its sucks and no you're not any of those last things:)