Some Days

Sometimes I hate everything about myself, and other days I think I'm alright. I will doubt myself a lot of the time because I never had re-assurance when I was growing up.

I love my mum with all my heart, but as much as she was physically there raising me, she wasn't always there to lead me as I was growing up. It's not her fault, because she had lots of health problems, lots of work to do which helped a lot of other people, and lots of times when my dad fought with her and it really affected her.
You can probably guess that my dad wasn't there either :p

All three of us sort of had to raise ourselves in a way. My mum was amazing raising us in a lot of ways, but in a lot of other ways we really had to teach ourselves. And I guess now, because I didn't have re-assurance in my decisions when I was younger and I didn't always have that loving and supportive environment, I doubt myself so much as an adult. And I have such issues with my confidence, because it was never something that was nurtured, I was always expected to keep quiet growing up.

Of course some days I think I turned out pretty well, and I'm happy with who I am and where I'm going in life :D

I just wish I could get past that doubt that I have about every aspect of myself, that doubt I experience a lot of the time. It really scares me, makes me feel alone and unlovable and horrible. And I know I'm not those things...
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5 Responses Aug 14, 2012

By reading your post it seems to me that you actually went through alot yourself and you actually are a strong and independent in managing your own life.<br />
But no one in this world born in a world where everything goes well and at times we ourself could never always get what we wants always in life.<br />
Though we should always appreciate that we at least aint alone in this world as there are still people call 'friends' around u to always cheer u up:)

Same here!

Me too Melly! I'm very insecure and I hate it. You always have such wisdom to impart on others I highly doubt that you have any reason to second guess your decisions. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are great! :)

youve got me worried that i may be oblivious to having schizophrenia & that you are are one of my multiple personalities that i didnt realize existed.<br />
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seriously thou i know exactly how it feels to think like that & my life history matches yours almost identically. <br />
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I just try telling myself that I should be proud im not an arsehole althou i think if i were i would poss have a better way of life- damn even that had to include another bloody negative twist. . . . well I did say i try i supose, it has helped at sometimes i think thou but i cant recall any time it did off the top of my head at present. :$

i can relate completely to the very first sentence! its sucks and no you're not any of those last things:)