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My Insecurities Make Me Reactive

Like today, I was in a good mood because I had fun last night with some friends.  And I was pretty mellow and I kind of didn't do much today.  But then my brother called.  And I was glad he called but then he went on and on about how busy he is and how he and his wife had to take her folks to the cities and then about all the activities his kids are in and then about how important he is at work that when he gets there people are lined up to see him and ask him questions.  And I got to tell you it was a total buzz kill.  He said, "It's not like I'm sitting around wondering what I should do."  Sometimes I am...well lots of times I am.  So I sat there listening to him go on and on on the phone and then he said oh I've got to go dinner is ready.  And I love my brother deeply.  I really do.  But sometimes I wish I felt like he cared about me and didn't make me feel like I was a mere piece of dirt whose life has no significance on this planet whatsoever.  I know I know...he can only make me feel that way if I let him.  That helps so much...as if what other people do and say has absolutely no impact on how you feel.  It does.  It just does.  My sister did the same thing to my friday night.  She talked and talked about how great her kids were and how great her son thought she was at taking pictures and how busy she was with her little granddaughter this weekend and how great she was at work.  What happened?  Did my brother and sister get all the self worth and confidence genes at birth and there were none left over for me?  So I am the only divorced childless one in my family and of course that is a sore spot to begin with...a loss I havent' completely come to terms with I admit.  But I'm so tired of reacting every time my brother and sister talk this way which is basically every time I talk to them.  How can I better cope with them?  Am I overreacting?  Is it normal to say how great you are at your job all the time?  I really struggle in my job...my job's really hard and I'm always overworked.  I never feel like I can say how great I am at it.  What's wrong with me?  Why is it that every time I get done talking to my brother or sister I feel like canning it and crawling under my covers and never coming out?

PrayerWhisperer PrayerWhisperer 46-50, F Jun 28, 2008

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