The Day My Life Changed!

When i was young, I was always the clown of the family, making everyone laugh, the center of attention and a very happy little girl. Until, one day my cousin asked me to suck his private part, I was only 5 years old. My mom had a get together at my house and it all happened in my parent's room... I ran and told my mom what had happened and she told me should would take care of it. I never knew what ever happen but then two years later that same cousin did something to me again, we was in a family vacation all of our cousins and we was all going to Dominican Republic and was going to spent a month over there and then go a inclusive- resort. One day, that same cousin who asked me to suck his private, was in my cousin house and I went over to visit some other cousins that were there and I had to use the bathroom, as I finished my cousin was at the door and he asked me to stay quiet and went inside and locked the door. He sat down on the floor and he told me to sit down with him and told me to come closer and I said, for what?, he told me let's play a game, and we started playing numbers, and then he told me to come closer and I noticed I felt his private right against my butt and he told me to stay quiet and don't scream or get up.. for five minutes he was feeling up my *** and I just stood there and did nothing. He got up and left, I stood in the bathroom quiet, scared, and started to cry. I left the bathroom and dried up my tears and decided to never say what happened. I grew and for many years, I was happy, but sad because I was the only girl in the family and chubby. I was called my names and in school they used to bully me a lot for it. I was in the third grade and I decided to stand up in front of the class with rope in my neck to suicide myself, earlier that day, I spoke with one of my classmate and i told him, i felt alone and that i wanted to kill myself. He told me, if you feel that way, then do it. I was young and naive. I got in trouble with the principal and I had a counselor until I decided to move on to a new school and a fresh start. But, then again another nightmare was awaiting for me, in the 6th grade, I was sexually abuse, I was nine blocks away from my house and in broad daylight and was in a backseat of a van and was bribed by the strange man that my mom needed a cell phone, not knowing the danger that I put myself into. I was in a parking lot of a supermarket and he took out a pocket knife and immediately I froze when he put on my left side of my neck. He put my seat down and he told me to take off my shirt and put my bra down, I cried and I listened to what he said. He started sucking my boobs and telling me how good and big they were. I prayed and prayed, I told God please don't take me away today. I have more to live. I tried opening the door and then he got mad, and put the knife in my stomach and puncture it not to hard not to soft, good enough for me to feel it and feel some pain. I told him , i will move but please dont hurt me and i wont scream. I promise. You could do whatever you please but please dont hurt me. He told me okay, so start pulling your pants down, and I took off. I told him please don't do this to me, just take me back where you first saw me, He said no. I want to **** you. I don't know what happen to me, I immediately remembered that I had my period and it was light. My panties were white and you could see the pad and I told him look, I have my period! and that saved my life. I was taken back two blocks away from my where I lived and I started walking home. For many years, I felt invisible. I said my stories to my friends at that time and all I heard was , "That was good for me" , "you are stupid".. "That was your fault" . I dealt with that for so long. High School was the best years, I found friends that were there for me and had related experiences. Today, I still feel down, a whole in my heart. My confidence level has been up and down. Today, I sit here writing this, I came across this website, mistakenly and I saw all these stories here and I decided to write mines because I wanted some advice. I saw amazing advice given to people who felt really down for so long and decided to write on here. I guess, this was my day to say mines as well.
DeeDee0403 DeeDee0403
18-21, F
Jan 6, 2013