Tired Of Being Ugly.

hey, I'm new so I apologise if I'm doing this wrong..

Well, here I go:

I feel so ugly. All the time.

I walk into school, feeling ugly. I leave school feeling even worse.

I'm not depressed, or shall I say myself.

I laugh and smile through the day at school, but when I get home and when I'm alone, thoughts start flooding back. Girls at my school joke about being ugly. I'm surrounded by so many flaw free girls who don't even try. I'm in an all-girls' school and it doesn't help that I'm the ugliest one among my friends.

I have 3 best friends and they are all amazingly pretty... They don't even need to try. I have bad skin, far too big nose, pimples and I hate myself..

I hate the way I look so badly.

I've hated this ever since I was 12. I'm 14 now and I still hate it more than ever. I don't understand. How is it possible that the meanest girls in school end up being the prettiest? How is it that the girls in school who sleep with guys all over the place end up being most popular and favourited by the teachers?

I used to be a Christian. I used to not curse at all. I used to try to keep myself away from sin as far as I could but...

I don't get it.

If God loves me, why does he make everyone else prettier? If God loves me, why is it that he makes the baddest the prettiest and the nicest the ugliest? I try to please everyone. They all think I'm the "happy" girl.


I hate the way I smile and laugh. I hate smiling for photographs. I don't take pictures of myself. I've never looked at myself and go "Wow, I look okay today." No. I've never.

Nobody knows about this.

THis is my little secret, I guess.

This girl at school asked me what's wrong the other day and I nearly broke down.

She asked, "What's wrong? Don't keep it bottled inside."

I wanted to tell her, "I feel under-appreciated. Mistreated. Mistaken. But most of all, I feel the ugliest troll in the entire school. I feel as if this is God's way of punishing me. I don't smoke or drink, yet I look like this. Teachers hate me, everyone dislikes me, they think I'm happy, and I'm not..."

But I just shrugged at her.

I've considered cutting multiple times but I don't know..

I don't have the courage.

But if someone scratched me by accident, I would let it bleed.

Anyone can relate to me?

I just..
I'm tired, that's all.
lanajdb lanajdb
13-15, F
2 Responses Jan 20, 2013

We all have the ability to be beautiful, here and now. I know a couple of people who went from being the ugliest people alive to some of the most radiant and beautiful people I know. I used to be ugly too. But the reason I'm not anymore is because I stopped believing it. And when I stopped believing it is when everyone else did too. As a college student, I go on tons of dates now, and people love me like I never expected. Louise L. Hay's book "You Can Heal Your Life" is one of the most beneficial books to becoming who you want to be. She talks about thinking and talking positively until your life becomes beautiful. I will tell you the truth, in high school, I felt awful. I felt uglier than all my friends. And yes, I had the same thoughts as you. I wondered why I was ugly and they were beautiful. But there was one day that I made a decision to trust in God and in myself and make a habit of thinking and saying more positive things to myself every day (and also thanking God for the things I already have). Here's the thing about God though, and you have the choice of whether to believe this, He does NOT control your life. You do. He allows things to happen because you will learn and progress from the things you go through. And from those things, you can CHOOSE something different-- to become an incredible, beautiful and radiant individual. Believe it or not, you choose most if not everything that happens in your life. Even the way you look. Sometimes those choices were made before you came here to earth. You might not believe me, but WE ARE WHAT WE BELIEVE WE ARE. Therefore, you can change your thoughts and beliefs now. As you make a habit of thinking good things about yourself, your body will respond by becoming your thoughts. If you believe you are ugly, your body will react accordingly. God simply watches out for you, and intervenes every once in a while like a parent would. He wants you to have all the blessings in the universe! But you have to take responsibility and no longer blame Him. He is not the problem. YOU have the power to take the experience you are going through now, and turn it into a life of love for yourself. And from that, you will become beautiful. Just think, from the experiences you are going through, you will have a great advantage in the future because you will know what others are going through. Just remember who you are-- a powerful and beautiful spirit, a child of God, who is beautiful.

Hey, if that is really you in your profile picture, I personally think you are beautiful.
But I know from first hand experience that no matter how many times someone can say you are beautiful, it's only changing the voice inside you that can really make a difference.
What I personally try to do, is think about the people worse off than you, not necessarily worse looking people, but people who have deformities as such. There is ALWAYS someone worse off than you. But the best thing is, there is ALWAYS someone who is going to love you for who you are anyway, ugly or not. This may not come now, or in 3 years but I promise you, you will find someone who will think the sun shines out of your derriere! Either way, as you get older, believe it or not, it will become easier, and you become more accepting of the way you look. I know this seems hard for this day and age as there is extreme pressure on teenage girls, but it will get easier, I promise you. If you ever need anyone to talk to, just message me. :)