Tired Of Being Ugly.hey, I'm new so I apologise if I'm doing this wrong..
Well, here I go:
I feel so ugly. All the time.
I walk into school, feeling ugly. I leave school feeling even worse.
I'm not depressed, or shall I say myself.
I laugh and smile through the day at school, but when I get home and when I'm alone, thoughts start flooding back. Girls at my school joke about being ugly. I'm surrounded by so many flaw free girls who don't even try. I'm in an all-girls' school and it doesn't help that I'm the ugliest one among my friends.
I have 3 best friends and they are all amazingly pretty... They don't even need to try. I have bad skin, far too big nose, pimples and I hate myself..
I hate the way I look so badly.
I've hated this ever since I was 12. I'm 14 now and I still hate it more than ever. I don't understand. How is it possible that the meanest girls in school end up being the prettiest? How is it that the girls in school who sleep with guys all over the place end up being most popular and favourited by the teachers?
I used to be a Christian. I used to not curse at all. I used to try to keep myself away from sin as far as I could but...
I don't get it.
If God loves me, why does he make everyone else prettier? If God loves me, why is it that he makes the baddest the prettiest and the nicest the ugliest? I try to please everyone. They all think I'm the "happy" girl.
I hate the way I smile and laugh. I hate smiling for photographs. I don't take pictures of myself. I've never looked at myself and go "Wow, I look okay today." No. I've never.
Nobody knows about this.
THis is my little secret, I guess.
This girl at school asked me what's wrong the other day and I nearly broke down.
She asked, "What's wrong? Don't keep it bottled inside."
I wanted to tell her, "I feel under-appreciated. Mistreated. Mistaken. But most of all, I feel the ugliest troll in the entire school. I feel as if this is God's way of punishing me. I don't smoke or drink, yet I look like this. Teachers hate me, everyone dislikes me, they think I'm happy, and I'm not..."
But I just shrugged at her.
I've considered cutting multiple times but I don't know..
I don't have the courage.
But if someone scratched me by accident, I would let it bleed.
Anyone can relate to me?
I'm tired, that's all.
lanajdb 13-15, F 3 Responses 0 Jan 20, 2013