CANNOT Accept Feelng Positive

                I despise being insecure. I have no idea how to feel secure either. Self- Esteem is easy to fix, simply take actions that bring esteem. This works, but the insecurity is nagging, if not relentless. Case in point, this morning I woke up in a terrific mood. Really , an on top of the world feeling.  (Normally I wake in a neutral mood). The positive vibe I felt upon waking and getting started w/ my day was quite unsettling because there was no direct cause for feeling good. Unable to identify why I felt so good, I focused on the negative – my reasoning being that I was being prepared for something really bad.  I obsessed over all that needed fixing in my life; the positive feeling replaced by worry, anxiety, and fear. I have been able to restore my more neutral feeling, but still worry about some imagined catastrophe lurking around the corner. More than anything I wish I could simply be able to accept feeling good.

Smokeseek Smokeseek
36-40, M
5 Responses Mar 19, 2009

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better, Smoke. As Sleepless has said, we all go thru these moments. Sometimes I feel joyful just being in the moment.. no apparent good reason. I hope you find more of these moments and can learn to embrace them while they last. And let them go when they end. Peace and light to all.

Thank you all for the kind words. I am feeling more normal. Dee really hit the nail on the head, I am simply uncomfortable feeling good for no reason. I like to feel good. I like being confident and optimistic, but when a positive feeling is there, really positive, like it was this morning, and there is no cause to feeling so good, it is very uncomfortable. So I do indeed seek the safety of negativity. As it is more comfortable to me.<br />
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Sleepless thanks for the wisdom.I do indeed try to follow that, but sometimes, like today, no matter how hard I try or not try, I simply fail. <br />
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But I am feeling better. Again thank you all.

I am sorry Smoke... everybody has same feelings sometimes. try breathe excercise and meditate... dont try to change your feelings to positive way, dont pressure yourself, just accept your feelings now. you feel like this maybe there is some reason under the surface. try to focus your breathe and let this reason come to you. İf you want to fix it, fit it... if you dont want to you are ready to fix it, so let it go... universe will provide whatever you want... sending you good vibes, hope you feel better soon :) Hugs*<br />
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"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. " Buddha<br />
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"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. " Buddha<br />
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Namaste...

Perhaps focusing on the negative is actually a way of seeking security, in disguise? Because this territory is more familiar to you (the negative side), you feel uncomfortable when positive feelings come forth, and right away slide into where you feel more familiar. I could be way off base.. just an observation.<br />
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Also I was thinking, once you realize that nothing is ever permanent.. no good feeling or situation, or bad one.. it becomes easier to accept that security is mainly an illusion, one that ego strives to maintain, for it's benefit.<br />
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Perhaps you just need to let go and trust in what is... <br />
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Just some thoughts :)

A former boss told me one day that when he wakes up in the morning he looks at himself in the mirror and ask " How are you going to be today? ****** or uplifting." And everyday he comes to work its a great feeling Knowing that he has a smile on his face.