Husband Looking For Purpose

I am 37 years old, married to ready made family, my daughter and step daughter both got pregnant at the same time. I am very family oriented, accepting my daughters pregnancy was hard but I did it. I am very supportive of both of them. While my own daughter includes me on her life and goals, my step daughter and wife do not find it necessary to include me. This past holiday was a tough one for my step daughter and wife, in a span of 3 weeks my step daughter lost her great grandfather and father, then my wife lost her father to a long bout with cancer. Since this has all happened I feel like there is an exclusive club that I am not privy too. While looking for some tracking information on my wife's email, with her included, I noticed some emails going back and forth between her daughter and self. When I asked about it, I was merely blown off as it being small talk. Well curiosity got the best of me, I went to read the emails at a later time. To my surprise, it was talks of marriage. My step daughter turns 17 soon, and I cannot believe I was not included on the talks. My step daughter seems to rule the house, she comes and goes as she pleases staying with her baby's "daddy". I don't ever intrude on anything, and I am never consulted in any regards to them. Yet I am responsible for their healthcare, as well as welfare. Is it wrong for me to feel left out. Should I be upset about my wife choosing not to keep me in the loop. My wife has been so temperamental with the loss of her dad. I have become the whipping boy when she is mourning and upset with the whole situation. I am not saying I am perfect, but damn what did I do that cast me off the parent island. I know I cannot change the situation, so I guess I am here to just vent and get it off my chest. I will put on my big boy pants and just smile and act like I am okay with it all.
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 8, 2013

Maybe it might help if you expressed to her that she is important to you. That her challenges are yours too and she's not alone. That you want to be there for her if she will let you. Then maybe you can ask her why she doesn't feel she can come to you with her troubles. If you keep an open mind and do your best to understand why she is excluding you, you might find the way to change it, for both of you. You have every right to feel the way you do and your feelings are important. But if you want things to be better for you both, maybe it will serve you more if you focus on how you can help improve things for yourself and your family. You want to support, and surely your family needs it, so find the best way to support them and yourself.

Hmm...tough call, b/c you were snooping...
But I'd sit down, alone, when you are both calm and confess you snooped, first.
Apologize for doing that, then say: " You know, I am trying to be _____'s parent too. Since I'm supporting her financially, shutting me out of major decisions concerning her does not seem fair to me. What do you think?"