Dictionary Definition of Feminism Versus What Is Done Today


Recently I was engaged in a discussion on feminism wherein I was quoted the dictionary definition and told that since I was complaining about feminists (and the current brand of feminism) that I must be against women's rights.

It was galling.  I grew up in a household where my mother was the "Matriarch" of our family.  She's the president of a billion dollar corporation, makes lots of life altering decisions for hundred of people, and taught me to respect women.


My mother is a recovering alcoholic.  I say this for a reason - I am not ashamed that she endured and overcame her addiction in the least - each night after her meetings people from her meetings would gather around our large kitchen counter and drink coffee and socialize.

The reason I brought this up is that, as many know, alcoholism affects everyone.  I grew up with white people, blacks, hispanics, Asians, gay and straight, Muslim and Jew, liberal and conservative.

I had not one prejudiced bone in my body.  I simply accepted people based on the merit of how they conducted themselves and how they treated others.  I thought I was very egalitarian, very open minded, and generally a just person.

Then I got to college.  Suddenly I was this "White male, privledged, patriarchal straight conservative oppressor".  WTF!?

I struggled to just be me, but in classes, at campus events, and in the general atmosphere was this poisonous anger - solely based on my skin color, my being a Christian, being straight, being (somewhat) conservative, and mostly at my being male.

Due to an acrimonious divorce I was denied my father for most of my life.  Due to THAT I got involved in the Men's and Father's rights movement - so that children (such as I was at the time) should have access to both parents.

The anger and vitriol I got from feminists was palpable.  When I discussed the "wage gap" or "social justice" or other hot button topics I was REVILED for simply holding an idea, and espousing it.

THAT I could deal with.  It was the amazing lengths some of these feminists went to, to destroy my life.

One time I debated, and thoroughly debunked the wage gap on a web board.  I went to far as to PM the woman in question I was debating to try to let her know that it was her IDEA I disagreed with, and that I hoped we could debate amicably on another issue.

Long story short, she tracked me down, on the 'net no less, and made up some "stalking charge" on ME (umm, she tracked ME down) to get me fired from my job.

And this kind of "disagree with me and I'll maliciously go after your life" attack has happened probably half a dozen times.  No joke.  I've had a feminist call my wife pretending to be woman I was having an affair with (she later bragged about it on a board), and other such really really disturbing incidents.

All for having the temerity to DISCUSS ideas and to disprove some pretty ugly myths about men, society, history, and other areas of our social culture.

Yesterday I found a GREAT letter - written by an MRA (Men's / Father's Rights Activist) to women that well put what I think a lot of men want to say.

I wanted to re-print it here to get some reactions.  It is below:


There is a problem with the women in this culture.

Yes, I know, there are problems with men, too. Believe me, I have heard about them for the last forty years. Some of it true and fair, much of it neither. It was a necessary dialogue just the same. So is this.

To understand this we need a brief look at history. Women, in the past, were denied voting rights, couldn’t own land and didn’t have much access to employment that would give them the freedom to make it on their own.

This needed to change, and of course, did, as can be confirmed with a quick glance at the world around you. I laud those changes. But the problem was in how we got here.

The reality is that the gender roles of our history were traps for both men and women. Women were relegated to home and children; men to sacrificial roles as protectors and providers. It wasn’t a conspiracy. It was just a matter of survival, and for many thousands of years it worked quite well to that end.

But once men made the environment safe enough for women to leave "The Cave," it was only natural and right that men change and allow that to happen.

And ladies, we did.

This is the simple but accurate truth of the matter. Men and women evolved into gender roles that facilitated the survival of the species. And once those roles were not necessary for survival, they did begin the sometimes complicated path to change.

The problem here is that your knowledge of these historical events is largely shaped, convoluted rather, by feminism. Feminists taught you that your history with men was of unremitting evil; that you were chattel, slaves to men who held all power and shut you out with extreme intent. They even gave it a name.


It is a word that has become synonymous with oppression. But feminists were loathe to remind you that “Women and children first,” was the partriarchal mantra, and that much of the social norms, even when misguided, were a product of a code adopted for the sole purpose of preserving your life. It wasn't always fair, but the unfairness wasn't always yours. Men died by that code, and trained their sons to do the same.

The fact that we still do is the subject for another essay.

So what happened? As feminist distortions were increasingly embraced, and intertwined with the legitimate need for change, men did what they usually do. They reacted to the message and not the messenger and unblocked the entrance to that cave.

Many of you spit on us on the way out. Many of you still do.

It has to stop.

This isn’t just about decency. And it is not just about the chasm of mistrust that separates us from each other, or the legions of the walking wounded from this godforsaken gender war. It is about our future. The vilification of men that you have accepted as appropriate now translates to catastrophe for our sons, for your sons.

The problem is that what we say, think and feel about people invariably translates into what we actually do to them. Nowhere is this more evident than with our sons, in the here and now.

If you take an honest look at the academic environment to which our boys are subjected, you will see that their masculinity itself is under attack with ideology that teaches them they are inherently flawed.

Christina Hoff Sommers documented this in her highly recommended book "The War Against Boys." She writes, "The pedagogy is designed to valorize females, such as teaching history in a woman-centered way. Boys are to be inspired to revere Anita Hill and to “enjoy” quilting. At the same time, schools discourage activities that are natural and traditional to boys, such as playing ball together."

She goes on to say, with sad but pinpoint accuracy, "Most parents have no idea what their children are facing in the gender-charged atmosphere of the public schools.”

And as girls and girls programs increasingly flourish, boys are falling to the sidelines in ever growing numbers.

The results of that are most telling.

Boys are more likely than ever to drop out of school and engage in delinquency and other problems. They are representing less college graduates every year. With this diminishing education and wholesale marginalization, they are on a fast track to being the “second sex,” that position that so many feminists touted as the greatest evil of human history when they claimed it applied to women.

This is the lasting legacy of spitting on men. Your sons will not be the exception.

Young men now grow up to be destroyed in corrupt family court systems where women are encouraged to and even praised for using children, their children, like pawns in order to drain the father of assets. And those same children also have their badly needed connection to their fathers severed in the process. When those exploited, abused children start quite naturally to act out and get in trouble, we blame the father who was removed against his will, for of all things, being absent.

And the "freedom" women gained on this frenzied path of vengeance and victimization? It doesn't appear to have settled well. Women are growing increasingly violent. They are matching men in domestic violence, blow for blow, and they are causing the lions share of injury and death to children in the home.

But we don’t speak of these things. We are not supposed to. In your position as the identified victim, and mine as the identified perpetrator, there is supposed to be an indelible silence on these matters. For the most part, there is.

That silence is destroying us.

And it is a silence that is maintained with the collusion of weak men and misguided women, which is to say most of the culture. The only answer I can think of is for men, and for women, to change.

Perhaps you will consider this before concluding that men's activists are whiners or woman haters or products of bad mothers. You might actually decide that most men's activists are men who above all else, seek justice. For their children, for themselves, and ultimately for you.

I hope that a few of you will read this and consider it the next time you hear someone say “men are pigs,” or when you hear a woman refer to her first born child as “the insurance policy,” or before you nod your head in unconsidered agreement with whatever negatives about men happen to be making the rounds. All of this will be visited on your sons, and their sons.

I hope too, that some of you look at your sons and think, and ask yourself what kind of world in which you really want them to live.

When your sons choose wives and marry, I hope you consider the agony they will go through when “taken to the cleaners” and robbed of their children. You will be forced to stand by powerlessly and watch them have their guts ripped out.

It will happen to more than half of them.

The best prevention for this last one is to teach our sons to choose carefully; to scrutinize a woman before committing his life and work to her; to evaluate her morals and values as a woman prior to putting a ring on her finger. or even whether it is wise to marry in the first place. But how can we do this if we keep teaching them that such evaluations are the stuff of misogyny? Indeed, how can we do this if scrutinizing women at all is such a taboo?

And therein lies the rub, ladies. It is indeed time, just as it was for men, for women to be held to scrutiny, and to account. More importantly, it is time for women to do this on their own.

I’ll do my best to provide a fair and compassionate mirror in my writings. As always, it is up to you whether that mirror is a place you want to look.


Let me know your thoughts

- Steven

LSBeene LSBeene
3 Responses Jun 18, 2009

Well presented case. Pity that it seems to have attracted mostly crickets, once you banned the pit viper.

I wish I could say something that would convince you that there are nice feminists who don't ball break because we actually appreciate men

I have deleted the comment by Hattie2 for the following reasons:<br />
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1) She has made some rather vile accusations against me - including apparently using child p*rn.<br />
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2) She has stated in PMs to me, and on this site that she has no intention of reading what I write, or discussing the topics at hand - but only spewing forth angry rants about me.<br />
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3) She demands others "play fair" and give links supporting their views, as to where they post (so she can see their views on issues), and makes wild accusations w/out being willing or able to post links to prove them.<br />
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In short she wants everyone to cater to her, to jump through hoops to prove they are not whatever she accuses them of, and <br />
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Until Hattie2 is willing to reply directly to others, provide proof of her accusations, and acts like an adult I will delete her posts.

Steven,<br />
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When you refer to people as blacks, whites, asians, etc. you are identifying them by their color and not as people; you are robbing them of their humanity. They are white people, black people, people of asian descent. Just thought I'd let you know that that sort of language is offensive.<br />
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The anger that others harbored towards you in college are not justified but are expected. It is important for people who come from privilege to know what that means in this society. Being a white, American, Christian male can largely affect who you are and what you are in this society. This combination, or any of these identities, include by default many privileges. Just ask a woman of color from a developing country why it is easier for you to reach your goals?<br />
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I'm not attacking you, just merely trying to explain why you came across those attitudes towards you. It doesn't feel good, but as a privileged, white, American female, I have had to examine why certain obstacles are not a part of my reality. Many of these realities are based in our culture that date back farther than we can remember, and others are inherently linked to capitalism and the 'system'.<br />
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Also, I don't think that you have a good understanding of what feminism is all about. Feminism has been assimilated into mainstream culture and watered down. It is now defined by sexual freedom and the ability for women, such as your mother, to climb corporate ladders and attain power in the capitalistic system.<br />
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Feminism, in its essence, is about eradicating power structures from all relationships and interactions. The feminism that most women are aware of is nothing but another male constructed idea of what women can do. When a women becomes CEO of a big bucks corp., it's not a true win for women. It is a win for the individual but represents a women gaining power and success in the way that men do. It is nothing more than a women stepping into a man's shoes and doing what he did. This is not equality.<br />
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Nice to debate,<br />