Not Sure What to Do....

Well I am 19 years old, in the military, plan to go to college for psycology. I was raised in a normal family, never exposed to polygamy, other than what i see on television. About 2 months ago, I moved in with my best friend who is staying with her older sister and her older sisters husband and their 3 kids. I got really close to them really fast. They have been married 11 years and needed to spice things up a bit so they brought me into their bedroom, just as a fun thing though, with no feelings attached. Me and her sister get along really good, so it was easy to fool around to please her husband. Well, her husband fell in love with me, and I have strong strong feelings for him as well. At first, this was very upsetting to his wife, but she realized how strong our feelings are and she is willing to do ANYTHING to keep him from leaving her for me. I am going to  training for the military in 4 days, and wont be back for 5 months, and to be honest, I have became radther content here and am not ready for it to end. They are not polygamists either, and none of us are even mormon. But she sat us both down and explained that if we all still feel the same way when i get back and if it is what makes everyone happy, she is willing to let him be with us both. We are not sure how this will work out, We dont know how our families are going to accept it. We dont know anything about it, the legal aspects, the biblical aspects?? We have no clue what we are doing, we just know that we all think it would fun and unique to both love him and both have his children and have one huge household. But Im afraid of the unknown, and although it sounds like something I think i would be willing to do, What if i feel later on like it is robbing me of my indivudual life? I will still be able to go to college and pursue my dreams, but it blows my chance to be in a marriage of my own. Because technically, he couldnt legally marry me while hes married to her. Ahhhh I dunno, I am soo confused and trying to look at all my options, but im not sure if this is my heart really speaking, or just my lust for adventure??? HELP ME

KRose89 KRose89
18-21, F
20 Responses Feb 13, 2009

Biblically speaking polygamy is allowed! There is no adultery because the relation is consented. Religious people will give you a lot of BS based on what they think is right but not in what is right.

You are young and maybe this experience or decision is too early in life!

Go to the military go to college and see the World then make your decision. 99.99% is my bet that the decision will be taken by destiny itself. You are not ugly and I would made love to you in a blink of an eye and the same will go to any fellow that you might meet.

My experience, I had a kind of polygamous relation and my other wife wanted me only for herself and that is the reason why it did not work. When she left I was torn and was drinking two bottles of wine daily and even consider suicide. My other wife did suffer a lot because she knows how loving and caring I am. More than six year have passed and I still mourn her every single freakin day. I do not have any contact with her but I keep taps on her well being. I can due that through privilege access to information. I know that she remarried and is doing well. I know that she will never comeback and I still love her as I much as I love my wife. In the end I can really tell you that I have never fully recovered from the experience and still hurt but I learned to live with her absence and learned a lesson.

Never love anyone with your entire soul and spirit until you know that they really deserve it. Marriage in any form, love mix with sex, is one of the most powerful forces a man can have. When a man has two that power is multiplied by many folds and every marriage that you add becomes an exponential force multiplier. If you observe your man and watch the before and after you will see what I am talking about. If you want to se that man crumble, walk out of the ménage a trois that you are involved. Talk about this with your sister wife, remember the celestial marriage was already consummated and you are his wife too.

Good luck,

I had to laugh reading these responses. Some interesting, some with agenda's, some have their facts screwed up. Like 25 years in prison. Try 5 years and i do not know of any recent case unless you look at child brides, etc. May be you all should take into account that this girl posted this in 2009. hm... that is 3 years ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think at this point, she does not need your opinion anymore.

perhaps you should read some of this, it is an alternative to Polygamy and works in everyone's favor. Just more options for what you have in mind.
to make an informed decision, you need to explore all your options,
I wish you all the best

try to find out comparative religion,, that is why Islam giving this opportunity as ALLAH knows well about his creations,, you all need to embrace Islam,,,then you can live with entirely freedom,, for not only your this interest,,but many others too,,,

I agree to a point about a comparative religion but I was brought up Baptist and I believe in my faith but the couple I am involved with and willbe with we have alot of respect for each other and love for each other my sister wife is bisexual like me and our husband is great to both of us and we respect each other and each other's faith and values and we have had the serious talk all three of us together and one on one and I think that is the key open honesty I love them and they love me for me and we have our one on one time in and out of the bedroom and togetherness in and out of the bedroom we have alot in common

I am involved with a couple myself and all of us get along inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom and I am like you never plan on it but I am going to see where it goes . Your young yet and you will have five months to decide if it is something for you
and I would take my time because of your age and your goals you have set

well im poly the same thing happen to me except the women that wold be you was the mother of my husbands child (our children are 1month apart) well we let her in the bed room i new she loved him but i found her attractive well i told my husband to tell her that i would let her date him and she also wanted to date me so now hear we are almost a year later a really loving big family as long s their no jealousy things should be ok and we(me and her)hind it from our family because we live far from them do what makes you happy

asalaam alaikum wa rahmatullah<br />
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may Allah forgive me if I advise poorly. with love and respect I extend to you the folowing from wikipedia.<br />
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Qur'an<br />
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The passage in the Qur'an dealing directly with the topic of polygamy is in Surah 4 Verse 3:<br />
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And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course.<br />
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There is also a Verse that discourages the practice of polygamy (Verse 129 in Surah 4) which is a sort of response to the Verse 3 in Surah 4:<br />
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You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (i.e. neither divorced nor married). And if you do justice, and do all that is right and fear Allâh by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allâh is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.<br />
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The Qur'an instructs the guardians of the children of widows, which it refers to as orphans, to marry the widows, where this is lawful, if they fear that they would not otherwise be able to fulfil their obligations to protect the children and look after their wealth and property. Men are allowed to engage in polygamy with two conditions:[2]<br />
1.A man may not take more than four wives.<br />
2.If a man is unable to deal justly with four wives he should not marry more than the number he can be just with.<br />
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The Qur'an encourages wives to adapt to the situation, but, in spite of the wife's efforts, if the family does not remain intact then it is not her responsibility.<br />
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may Allah bless you and guide you. <br />
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Abdulla Rahim Darren ibn lynn ibn Marchant (new revert to Islam)

i dont know know why people only gives extreme faces of any sayings of ALLAH. One tries to explain it in other way from Quran where as some opposes. I believe that there is a middle way which ALLAH actually wants to privileged society.. otherwise no any Sahaba tend to be engage in polygamy as they were more on eeman, knowledge and taqwa of Islam, Quran and all.

I think religion need's to be cool down abit the young lady wanted advice and doesn't know how their family is going to react and not sure if she is going to regret it down the road she has her edaucation and the service she was planning on joining until love not the wind out of her and love is a powerful beast it doesn't matter what faith we are and as far as the law goes if they are all agreeable to this love it isn't the government dam business it's their business no one else's she will do what her heart tell's her I know I never plan on falling in love with a man and a woman at the same time it just happen and I don't mean the sex either we fell in love with each other before we did love making

@sunshines333 will discuss you in private! I am sure you'll understand it,,,, :)

It been my experience that as member if poli family you are an equal member of the family not just an addition to the bedroom. It would be nice to discuss what your role will be in the family before you take any decision. Voice your feeling and your opinion. Good Luck!!

.... It would be much better for you to find a man committed to having only one wife, as the marriage vow goes ".... til death do you part." And hopefully neither will lust after another. If you do get into a relationship with a man who actively seeks another sex partner as they did, you can be assured he will stray and find even more to break the boredom and add excitement to his life. Marrying early in life practically guarantees divorce. And one divorce assures the next marriage of failure. For those remaining single until age 25, the prospects of a lasting marriage improve considerably. At 19, your whole life is ahead. But you can easily destroy your potential for happiness by making the wrong choices now. <br />
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BTW. As for Psychology. A Bachelor's Degree really won't do much. You need a minimum of a Master's to find employment using that degree. I have a total of 15 university degrees. And I can assure you that even with the best outcome, university graduates work in the field they schooled less than 30% of the time. And many degrees are utterly useless. The military offers great educational benefits. But watch out. Knock out the first two years through simply testing out on the classes, taking CLEP tests or a community college. Otherwise, you will run out of money in under 4 years. And going into debt with college loans is a big problem for many. They expect good income they don't achieve. And those loans cannot be dismissed even by Bankruptcy. One more tip. As a woman, if you study in a field such as engineering dominated by men, you will almost certainly have a great career. If you follow traditional and popular studies you will find much competition for few jobs.

Most women content with Polygamy are gluttons for punishment. By far, in most of those situations, the wives financially support the lifestyle of the husband, while the group produces children to be supported by public funds. <br />
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Now, there might be some validity to Polygamy when there are not enough women for all the men. But in the US, that comes with age. And the vast majority of Polygamists don't let the wives know the others exist. <br />
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Fact is, that there are somewhat more men than women until about the age of 50 in the US. So the opposite of Polygamy might be a better choice., where a woman has more than one husband. Here is a tricky addition, bordering on Eugenics. A man of better DNA would thereby be available for producing better children wit Polygamy. And of course, Islam allows a man to have as many as 4 wives, while US Laws state that a US Citizen or any person residing within the US or its territories can have only one wife. That issue came to a head when the US Army marched into Utah and demanded the practice end, and positioned artillery on the mountain overlooking the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake. For the edification of those thinking of Polygamy, it is good for up to 25 years in prison. Women of course, having only the one husband, are not convicted, only the man possessing multiple wives is. And IRS is the hinge pin to convict as it has been found that very few Polygamists file taxes on income or rather report no income rather than public assistance they receive.

Call me old fashion "whatever" It's apparent that you're in lust and what begins in lust eventually sizzles out. If all you're looking for is an experience then jump in like everyone is suggesting but if you really want something more meaningful.... Like wholesome then step away.... The fact that you are even questioning it speaks for It's self.... You're not ready for that. <br />
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I'm just saying

Personally KRose89, I would say that a "Marriage License" and certification of marriage would only be for government and/or tax reporting use. You don't "NEED" to be legally married to him/them to get the most out of it. An alternative would be to find an attorney and have them draw up a plural marriage agreement of sorts. You can file to legally change your last name if you desire. A guy in FL changed his name to "PUFF THE MAGIC SEASPONGE" (that is a true fact!) so I don't see why you couldn't simply change it also. The difference here is there is some cost involved. You have to remember though, you are not just "marrying" him, but her as well. So you all three should be involved throughout the entire contract. Benefits such as healthcare can be tricky, but there are plenty of legal ways to provide everything for everyone. Joining a group policy, naming him/her as co-beneficiaries on life insurance is perfectly legal and provides the same protections. You just can't receive employer sponsored programs. So it all boils down to whether or not you and your prospective spouses are willing to put forth the time, effort, and funds to make it all legal and above reproach. I've also heard of people alternating every few years as to which spouses are "legally" married. The main consensus is to have the two that make the least money to be married.

If you want to try this, try for at least 5 years and see how you feel.<br />
Please don't have any children until you are sure you really want to live like this.

poligamy is legal in my country...I've seen many poligamy family.. my uncle have had 3 wives and 17 children.... they dont get along until my uncle died... so if u are in it think twice or more... it maybe fun at the beginning... but it involve more than 2 hearts, and what about the children.. think of that too.. b coz I 've many friends come from polygamy family.. and they have been in really difficult situation and heart...but its all up 2 u girl.. ( with ur look, girl I would share a man with u either :))

Madame: with all serious intent and respect may I sugest you, and others try advice from any handy islamic leader there rules on polygyny maybe right for you.

I think that you should discuss this with the person who knows you best, your mother. If you are hesitant to bring this issue to her for consideration, then it's probably wrong for you.

Really, Polygamy doesn't have to be about giving something up. It can be about opening up to something more. It sounds to me like your at the beginning of that journey.<br />
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There is no reason why you couldn't have a domestic partnership agreement with this couple, which would at least give you legal status an legal rights. I don't think anyone should be without one if they join a poly-family. It protects everyone, if they love you enough to make you part of their life, they will love you enough to protect you.<br />
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There is a great site called it's a forum for poly people, families and those interested in the poly life... There is tons to read there and you may find some help.<br />
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I'd also like to share the link to my blog with you, it's about our journey on our search for a sister wife. <br /><br />
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I wish you all the best on whatever you do decide, it's a big step. It's a lot to think about.

well it sounds like it would be very i kno wut u mean about not being sure if its ur heart or not. i mean i guess you really will kno when u come back home...but polygamy is cool. if everyone is on the same page. thats rare what u feel...we cud chat wenever. and nothing is permanent unless u want it to be

Seems as though you have an emotional quandry. <br />
If his wife is accepting of it it can make a go if all truly commit.<br />
Scripturally speaking it is commanded of some men in certain instances.<br />
Concerning your families; three of you, if you decide to do so, will become family. Loyalty should be to husband and sister/cowife. <br />
How can it rob you of your individual life? If this is what you choose then it becomes your individual choice with closeness of another woman knowing and feeling all you know. Something others can only dream of.

If anyone has any advice, or any factual information about this sort of situation, please do speak up... I need insight