My Husband Wants to Bring His Girlfriend Into Our Home

My husband recently told me about his girlfriend he has been with for a few months now.  He says he is so in love with her and wants to be with her, but does not want to leave me or his children.  He has made several comments, half joking/half serious, about moving her in and making us one big family.

I dont know how I really feel about this.  I am a little curious, and may even be interested in doing this, but I am also afraid.  The biggest fear I have is wondering how I will handle seeing him with her, kissing her, and hugging her.  I am afraid that he may give her more affection and love than he will me.  I dont want to be the one left behind while she and him have a happy relationship in front of me.

I really would like to get some feedback from other women who are in or have been in this type of situation and find the pros and cons about all of this.

I dont have a problem with this woman, I actually was friends with her before all of this, she severed contact with me because she felt it would be "wierd" talking to me while she was screwing my husband.  She is also afraid I may hurt her as when this all first happend and I found out I told her to stay out of my sight or id kick her butt.  Butthats all past me now, i am actually somewhat ok with him being with her. 

Jessicapete Jessicapete
26-30, F
39 Responses Sep 25, 2007

i wish my wife was that understanding. i dont even have her love let alone 2 women to love. **** some ppl have it made. i hope it all worked out for you

This is how my road to polygamy started, how is it going so far?

Being in such a relationship myself let me tell you the truth. You are gonna get jealous that's for sure. Its how u act when you get jealous that will either make this work or fail. You are going to have to be stronger than you have ever been.
Good luck.

I'm sorry but the guy who wrote God had many wives is wrong He never married or had earthly " friend". This guy who wants to bring his girlfriend home is only doing this the physical aspects of a relationship. Sex. You as the wife are getting replaced and if it works out for her and not you you will be pushed out! Don't go with this it will damage you, your relationship with YOUR husband and your kids will screwed up for life. She should find her own man. Not yours or someone else's. This kind of acceptance is screwing up our society and needs to stop!

I do not think it would work unless you are involved. We have had several girlfriends and all of them have involved all three people. We have tried it with person being left out and it does not work for us. If you are OK with having sex with her and your husband and with just her and you it may work. Communication is critical and the agreement to pull the plug any time.

Hello, my name is Amy and my husband and I have been trying to find a sisterwife to share our lives with. There is power and strength in numbers! We don't want to die in a nursing home when we are old. I know the fears you speak of! I struggle with it every day, but in the end what is life all about but survival! My husband and I will not survive if we are alone. You really need to sit down with her and have a very adult conversation and see if you guys can do it. As long as your husband treats you the way you deserve then I can see you trying this. I wish you much luck on your journey my friend and hope it all works out for you!! Hope this helped you out!

Just like I said below, Polygamy would work very well like a case in yours because it is predecided- a decision made after considering logical factorss. I know there are some fears, but AMY just make sure you evaluate the woman thoroughly before taking any decision. just make sure she is not a cheat. I hope you don't mind me asking how old you and your husband are?
don't get someone too young. I think in mid-30s would do. Just get enough info about her. and make sure she respects you and your kids(if any) well. even your husband will have to put up some boundaries. he cannot be partial to either of you or favour just one of you.
You can contact other people who have commented below. many are having successful marriage. ONLY THOSE WHO HAD PREDECIDED ABOUT IT.
I think rest can work out.
good luck! be honest and truthful in whatever you do. god automatically comes to your side.

You are righti believe daphne, besides, things work when we want em to work.

Polygamy is possible, and hundreds of people have been following it successfully. But what people make of polygamy is wrong. It is not for having sex with two people or enjoy many women on side as many people do. It requires commitment, understanding and respect for all three parties. and it is not necessary that any man who is in decent shape would want two wives. It used to happen with very rich men where women came flocking by and still do for money,power and fame and had the hell to do with marriage or love. as long as these women got money, they didn't mind being 10th or 11th.
We all know how difficult it is to maintain and run 1 family, leave the thought of running second.
and like many others said below, polygamy is definitely for the case above as this is adultery. he wants the GF for his own pleasure, because he wants the best of both worlds not because he does love both women. The man in above story does not want to loose comfort of his house and wants something as back up incase the girlfriend fails.

Marriage is something thousand times beyond having sex but many people are only stuck at one point'sex'. The prophets and the kings you take example of had far greater reasons to keep 100 wives because it was suitable and apt to that situation and time.

wow you are great thinker. it looks like you observe people a lot.

Its funny how some of you stated 'did you ever stop and think about the kids, and how rumors will spread at school ect' well isnt that the same thing with gays getting married? dont you think kids get teased and end up committing suicide bcuz their gay parents marrying? polygamy is natural, ask any man who's in decent physical shape if they would like to have two wives if both can agree and I guarantee 98% would say hell yea! if they was being honest with themselves. GOD's prophets had 100's of wives. Its possible to love more than one person differently but equally. Love is Love, its the same if you had two kids, you love them the same but differently, so thats proof that its possible!

Polygamy as contrast with what people think especially many muslims, is not about having many women to have sex with. even most of the kings(not all) had many other Important reasons to keep many wives which I won't write in detail for the sake of brevity.
BOTH the wives respected each other and the husband gave equal treatment to them and their children.
Polygamy is something of personal choice and as many people have done below, (they had predecided about this ) is the only way of working it out right and if the husband just want someone lusty on side and have best of both worlds is not a way to polygamous relationship. there is only selfishness speaking in such cases where the first wife suffers tremendously especially if her old selfish husband has brought someone young.

This is to all people who think that humans are meant to be sexually polygamous-
you have NO idea what humans are meant to be.. we are meant to be the protectors of nature, not exploit it, meant to love each other not kill, meant to spread humanity, goodness,take care of each other, make this world a better place etc.
but of all these things, the little rather big ego of all cheaters decided on this meaning-meant to be polygamous because it is their selfishness speaking.

seeing and living in an unreal and unnatural world, where they are thinking of cloning , they suddenly decide monogamy is unnatural and natural is good.
wnt to live in a posh flat with all comforts but suddenly compare the early man having group sex and keeping 10 women not knowing the real reason why they did this.
Declaring themselves above all creatures- but suddenly want to relate with every bacteria and mammal saying they aren't monogamous, so we shouldn't be as well.
They wear classic, designer suits,look down on anyone who wears less than that or uses his hands to eat but when it comes to sex- all want to be animals.
Other countries and past people have several moral values and more good things in culture. BUT WEST after destroying every other culture calling them BARBARIANS suddenly says that it is only them who are monogamous while others are not. Out of unlimited good things of other cultures they choose this.

POLYGAMY IS CULTURAL AS WELL. however I won't go into the details of it.
So anyone who argues this- t is the most looser argument that has been offered by people all over the world who are tired of their stained image so they will stain others.

Polygamy is not for selfish people. If you think that your innocence is being played at-quit. The man is not your worth. He is just using you. I think the post down can elaborate more on what are the rules. There are some really good ones.

eloquent indeed.

Dear Jessicapete,
My advice would be to agree to have join you. It will just eat you up wondering what is going on when your husband is out with her. MUCH better I can tell you from experience to have her in your house. As you say that you are a bit interested you'll be able to satisfy your curiosity. Once you start on a ********* I'm sure you'll enjoy it and I wouldn't worry that he'll neglect you - he'll probably be hornier that ever! Good luck and enjoy yourselves.

just give it some time and good thought and it will work its self out but dont let anger make your decision for you

remember your the wife and she is the girlfriend... i am in the same situation...i will not lose him or my house and my kids and all my family... because he thing he is in love with and other woman..ok.. well the game is hard but you have to play it.. or you will lose him... what i do.. i became my husbands girlfriend to.. i am not a lesbian.. but i learn to be one fast... so yeah.. i was ******* the girl with ****** wile he was at work and having fun with her.. and we would make a ********** all the time he having sex with ***..... i have being married for 30 year now.. and happy.. now my husband is only with me... remember men **** don't work for ever.. just always make sure to never let him get no other girls pregnant

There is not enough information for a conclusion. Polygamy should be acceptable in rare cases if:<br />
1. As a woman who was well loved by a man and the woman loved him but life circumstances showed that her love was inferior, for example, for personal self centered secuity as opposed to sharing life and soul experience or money vs sacrifice. Then in order to better oneself it is a noble thing in mutual agreement.<br />
2. Respect.- why did he not ask you before screwing her? Is he willing to stay celibate if you are undecided? Btw why did you seperate? How did you meet and what were the vows?<br />
3. The population of the world has always had females more than males. If everyone gets married for selfish reasons, there will be a few poor souls left who would accept prostitution or a slutty life. If a woman can be virgin espevially in mind like a saint it is adbisable to be single. But otherwise get married, with the permission of the man and first wife if the live is strong.<br />
In your case it seems he went ahead and did what he wanted. In my case even if it was her fault i stay chaste and virgin to fulfill my vows to prove she is that important. I want polygamy now only because i was able to show that evennow despite how we may have gotten married, she always took from me what she couldnt give another guy if the situation was forcefully reversed. She regrets but i keep my ground because i was never like that and so earned it. He has to earn it....

Well if you think you might want to do it go for a trial run for a few weeks first with some discussion and rules set out, also you say you have kids they have to be included and made aware of daddy having a friend or lover or 2nd wife what ever you plan to call her

I can not believe so many people think this could possibly work out for the good......As a man i can not believe your husband would disrespect you so awful as to have an affair with one of your friends and then tell you she was his GIRLFRIEND.and the have the balls to suggest she become a SISTER wife when neither of them have shown you any kind of RESPECT or CONCERN.....All i can say to you is that as a MAN i am very SORRY that you have been treated this WIFE and I have been looking for a sister wife to join OUR family and this is something we have discussed together and search together for that special person.these relationships start only with RESPECT and LOVE for each wife and i wish all the luck in the world,but remember your number one and your well being is the most important.... ;)

I can not believe so many people think this could possibly work out for the good......As a man i can not believe your husband would disrespect you so awful as to have an affair with one of your friends and then tell you she was his GIRLFRIEND.and the have the balls to suggest she become a SISTER wife when neither of them have shown you any kind of RESPECT or CONCERN.....All i can say to you is that as a MAN i am very SORRY that you have been treated this WIFE and I have been looking for a sister wife to join OUR family and this is something we have discussed together and search together for that special person.these relationships start only with RESPECT and LOVE for each wife and i wish all the luck in the world,but remember your number one and your well being is the most important.... ;)

ok here is what you do, set ground rules. All together you decide what makes you comfortable and does not. So you say ok i can see this might work but no pda infront of eachother. then you should make sure that your rooms are very far on oposite ends of the house, cuz you know the sounds you might hear may not make you happy at first. But you have to reestablish the relationship with your friend again. but DO NOT do this if you are only doing it to make him happy, and it will not make you happy too.

i am in exactly the same kind of situation. u get used to it but it never truly stops hurting. he will love one more than the other and u never know which one until u r together in the same place. if u agree its going to be awkward and embarrassing at first and then its a way of life.

i am in exactly the same kind of situation. u get used to it but it never truly stops hurting. he will love one more than the other and u never know which one until u r together in the same place. if u agree its going to be awkward and embarrassing at first and then its a way of life.

how about you be their slave and serve them :) maybe then he also fu*ks you .. do ********* relationship :)

I have only done things of this nature with about 150 couples, so please do not think my knowledge is either broad nor deep, but here is my experience and observation. This will only work if this woman has an actively sexually submissive role to you. Your husband gave his word during your marriage vows to place you Above All Others. I personally think the 'and no other' is unrealistic given how sexual humans are meant to be and how likely the sexually sharing and community bonding is the center of our communion with the Great All.<br />
However, this does not mean you throw rules out the window. Just as it is good to have a personal rule to not walk off a cliff without a parachute, bungee cord et al, it is also a good idea there be a 'place for each person' and for them to be able to both know and embrace the one which fits them best.<br />
I am of the belief, if you will find the woman, or you and she go spend sometime together without! your husband, you will have to time to see can you bond in a proper relationship, just like the fact parents have a relationship with their children, which evolves over time, but starts with parent dominant-loving and the child submissive- eager to please and evolving.<br />
In my personal experience the way with the highest chance of success is where you 'find and bring' the other woman to the family. Men are rather easy to please. We are very much like dogs and women are very much like cats, finicky, hard to please, but greedy for attention. When you bring the woman, he sees her as an extension of you, she is you and more of you, but different together, more and abundant.<br />
I also believe your husband should be finding men he knows will please you, and this is where you are allowed to be devious byt gently hinting as to which men you are attracted to.<br />
Again there are rules but each couple must make their own. I have seen couples where the husband was sterile and the other men 'breed' his wife, other cases where these other men were only allowed anal and oral pleasure. Try to think about there being rules like this and set down with your husband to see what they are. Think of it as interesting like a cross-word puzzle, obviously more important, but one must approach it with a bit of distance while still feeling deep emotions.<br />
I just since I am so annoyingly wordy and it is easy to lose what I was saying allow me to recap: If she comes she comes actively, eagerly sexually submissive to you or decide she is a sign, let her go and find another. But this comes from my limited experience and likely flawed because I am not there.<br />
Should you wish to discuss this more just message me.

I love everyones advice... But did you ever stop to think about the kids... Its not just about the adults here.. Kids talk and word will get the schools and community.. they will ask questions and have to grow up with this if its going to be long term...I can understand if YOUR HUSBAND , was just playing around or have sex with her away from the household and you where ok with that.. but come on...If your already hurting over this what would happen if she gets pregnant and have her own kids with him.. they are a blessing and that will make them even closer.. just think about you and your first, then map out what your furture holds....

yeah, a poly relationship would mean all 3 individuals typically love each other, not just a guy married to a girl but in love with another girl. <br />
<br />
theoretically, if he still loved you and you loved your friend as well, i think things would work out. but the situation your in is just headed for disaster. Maybe you can fix it, but your going to have to figure out something.

Ummm ok. Thats kinda gross...and what are your children going to think of this...think about how its going to make them feel...daddy fuc.king young sl.ut while mommy's baking cookies! He wants her more than you. Get the picture and leave with your kids now...move or tell him to move out!

I'm wondering why it is that everytime you bring up poly relationships it's the MALE who feels he should go on dates etc. Look, in the US it is illegal to be married to more than one person. So basically you are both "Dating" the third person. Why should the male be the one to initiate it. The third person needs to be included 100% in selection, dating, etc. My wife and I are interested in making our relationship a poly relationship. We would all go "out" or stay "in" together. Who cares if you get along one on one if you can't function together as you are going to be the other 90% of the time. The point to a poly relationship is to share a love for everyone involved. The exclusionist approach will only create problems. Remember, there's no law saying you can't have a wife, husband, and a live-in girlfriend/boyfriend. The second notion is that apply biblical terms helps the relationship. I find the biblical terms within a poly relationship disgusting, degrading, and exclusive in both intent and practice. All involved should be treated as equals. And if you do that, you ARE NOT doing it biblically.

I live polygamy, I have two wives. We live in the same house. Some of my friends have their wives in different houses. Like duplexes or condos. So let me say this. Your husband cheated and betrayed you. Period. This has nothing to do with polygamy. It is adultery. <br />
You see my first wife agreed to finding another wife and in fact has made suggestions for another lady. When I found a woman that was interested in this, BOTH ladies knew about the existence of each other. My wife knew I was going on a date and with whom. Later on after it became clear that we liked each other a lot. The women met also. So you see the whole dynamics are different from yours.<br />
Now may be you guys can get your act together and make it work. I wish you well. But I have my doubts with a spouse that cheated and had an extra marital affair behind your back.

So, no doubt, the approach was wrong. Before welcoming this relationship to progress, it sounds like your husband needs to be willing to get "his own house in order" so to speak.<br />
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I am a believer in polygamy in whatever form all associated consenting adults agree to. In this case though your husband didn't show the respect required of 'man' to his wife.<br />
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It is, obviously, up to you where things go from here. I can only suggest not agreeing to anything until you are sure of your husband's continuing commitment to you.<br />
<br />
The "polygamy would be easier than divorce" argument is thin at best, and doesn't address the needs of all of the members of the family. This can easily lead to the type of polygamous endeavor that creates feelings of grief, resentment, insecurity, and distrust. Poly or Mono these are feelings that need to be addressed in a relationship before it can grow into something beautiful.<br />
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Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Okay each to their own!<br />
If my husband came home and told me that he liked another woman, his bags would be packed that night and I would never take him back end of story.

I desprately want a second wife in my marriage, but at the same time if my husband told me about his girlfriend after the fact I would file for divorce the next moment. If he didn't trust you enough to be honest from the word go honey, he sure as hell is going to treat you different. You're on your way out the door before you even agree. What a scum bag.

I did not mention LOVE because it is obvious, This is THE number one requiment, And believe me Jessicapete, your husbend will love you more if you will give him freedom to express his emotions towards more then one women. We are basically humen animals, and the poligamous instinct on man is still there and very strong, despite centuries of church suppression.<br />
So good luck to you.

I think it will work if your husband make enough money to support you both, You also have to make sure that your intimate life with your husband is only for you, so no sharing bed with your sister-wife. You should have seperate holidays from time to time, - thats where your sister -wife will look after your children, and you divide the housework. With the new free time to spare, maybe you can start playing violin? hahaha. and kissing only in the cheak when you are together.

I agree with ncbaseball 100%

I am with Lexus on this one .

Would it be possible to keep your household and for the girlfriend to keep her own household...and allow your husband to rove between?<br />
You are uncertain about how you will feel seeing your husband with her,and since you have already felt like whipping her ***....maybe it would be wise to keep some distance between the households.<br />
If YOU DECIDE to try this, I agree with sohankin,get some feedback from others.<br />
I understand that you may not wish to try and raise small kids without their father in your home.<br />
Just remember to care for your own heart....this is a tough situation...and this person has not been a good friend to you by coveting your husband. <br />
Good luck<br />
Many Blessings upon you and your children

There's a biblical way of Polygyny and there is unbiblical ways to do it too. I believe that if it's done biblically, it brings a lot of Joy to all the wives and children. When its carried out unbiblically it brings a lot of grief. If you wanna know more and influence your husband to look into the biblical method let me know and I can give you some articles to read

Actualy this may work well for all. It appears that you have children, and she could be an extra pair of hands. BUT you need to sit down and talk openly about your fears. I have loved more then one man at a time and have no problem wanting both of them in different ways. She sounds like a friend and friends are alot harder to find then a sex partner. I would keep her and the two of you sit him down and make the laws.

The fears and uncertainty that you feel are real and need to be addressed openly and honestly. Multiple loving relationships are only possible when all those involved are honest and truly committed to caring for each others needs wants and concerns. I would suggest a web site that you can view which could aid in your quest for answers and perhaps help your significant other realize your dreams and overcome your uncertainties. The web site is called Loving models for relationships. This is not a swingers site..its emphasis is on building relationships where every person is considered valued..not alienated. Good luck in finding and furfiling your potential.... sohankn

Would ur hubby also be willing for u to have a bf and allow ur bf to come into ur home? Seems to me u should have equal access to a second partner.

i agree

I agree also. I have a boyfriend who is Bisexual and he is allowed to bring his boyfriends into our family, but only if I get along with them also. We also have the agreement that if I ever want a girlfriend (which I dont, but fair is fair) then I can have one as long as she would get along with our family unit. If you have doubts about this set up with your husbands gf moving in, then don't do it.

That is definatly a recipie for disaster. he wants his cake and eat it to. With no regard to your or this other womans feelings.<br />
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He needs to make a choice!!