Back To Being Single......

* takes a deep breath * Yep,just like it says,I am single.I don't know if my ex-Is alive right now or not.Last we spoke,in words via text,she was drinking Prestone Anti Freeze and heading to Autozone for more... =(
We were doing fine,then it happened again.She text me from school,I was about to take a shower and was flirting with her,then she threw me a curveball,Well,needless to say i am quite used to the unexpected with her now.
I am always on my toes but so is she.
She text two photos of herself when she was younger.I still thought she's beautiful but she always responds"Not beautiful but thank you baby".
After that text she made a comment,"The guy next to me is watching ****!ewww". We had just gotten through flirting about...well,cant tell you but it was frisky.Then,she texts me that she told him to turn off his ****.
Well,either shes trying to get his attention,I'm not sure...why pay attention to him while we're flirting?
Hey?I'm your guy? I got in the shower,mood ruined...I even text her,"getting in the shower".
She text"Why don't you just let me drink my anti freeze?" I have been through so many suicide attempts with her that I wasn't sure if this was the real deal or not so I always treat them as if they are.But she did that two nights prior.I couldn't sleep because I'm thinking,heres the Woman of my dreams,but,shes always resorting to suicide when things dont work out and I cant leave.
But then realize I was at that same point in my life prior to meeting her.I cant sleep because the last text I recieved from her was at 3:37pm yesterday and all it said was " 911 ".
She usually gets talkative before school ( college ) pleading with me not to leave.But I feel in my heart we are not a good match because she doesnt realize certain things she does has an affect on me.I feel awful.I had a few beers tonite after telling myself that I dont want to go down that road,drinking out of worry and not to be social.
but,here I am worried if shes alive or not and I have to work in a few hours so....I can assume that we broke up...I am beginning to think I am better off single.The life of an Intersex is complex to begin with.And finding someone to accept me for me for the right reasons and not a sexual fantasy ,well,its like finding a needle in the haystack....going for another beer so ttylater.....
PodaDixa PodaDixa
36-40, M
Dec 4, 2012