I Want You Back.. :(

When I met my "Soulmate" I was currently in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend (who now is my ex.) My soulmate was like no other, he understood where I was coming from, he understood my pain, understood all the words that come out of my mouth. He was my protector. He was always there when I needed someone to talk to at 4am in the morning - If it was urgent. He was there and stopped me from committing suicide. He became my everything.. He saved me from this evil relationship I was in. After a couple of weeks, me and him became an item. It wasn't a long distance relationship but it was atleast 2 hours away, different cities. He'd always come up and see how I am doing, we'd watch movies, have a romantic dinner together, he'd take me out, we'd have the most wonderful time, everytime we were together. It wasn't like the "romantic dates or romantic couples" you see on the television. It was a unique an beautiful relationship we had. As you may see on my profile.. the special date. 17th July. Well that was the date we got together - the date my world became full of beautiful colours! I felt so safe in his arms.. I dreaded when he had to go and catch his train. Since we have broke up.. we've been close. He suffers from Bipolar. So it's hard I understand for him. 
When we broke up I remember he messaged me, telling me he didn't love me like I loved him .. He loved me more as a "Friend" and he only got with me to protect me from my ex. This crushed me - I mean after my past and all that.. this is not what I needed! I wouldn't/couldn't believe what he was saying.. I sat there and screamed and cried and was shouting it wasn't true. The love of my life, never loving me? If he didn't love me why did he come all the way to me? An tell me all the things he did? He wouldn't just be wasting my time.. He'd be wasting his.
We stopped talking for a year.. we drifted apart. He got a new number, so did I. Things changed.. every passing day I thought very hard about him.. I'd share my tears with the pillow each night. I'd sit there and regret everything. 
Then until early last year we got in touch again.. I can't remember how but we did! We've been getting very close lately.. but he's with someone also. Which kills me when he says how much he is inlove with her.. says how beautiful she is and whatever not. 
I sit there each time when we're talking on the phone and he asks me how me and my partner are doing, I won't lie.. I say we could be better - more like friends (room-mates) whatever you want to call it.. and he gives me the "I care" tone. 
He said to me on new years, that he still loved me.. still had a lot of love there for me.. but never wanted to be with me again.
He said he didn't want me to be his.. EVER again. 
I guess that's one thing about love that I hate - The only chance of happiness I had.. hoped for has vanished. Just like our relationship did.  :( 
A lot of people have told me "Plenty more fish in the sea" or "One day you'll get over him" Seriously.. it's been a few years and there has NOT been a day when I do not think about him. He's my life - An without him - There's no life.. :/ 
BeingSara BeingSara
22-25, F
2 Responses Jan 12, 2012

I understand, there was a guy that I felt the same way about, only I pushed him away. I still think about him now and then. It does take time but you also have to be open to meeting new people in your life. I know too many single women who are looking for "the one" instead of just relaxing and having fun meeting new people. I met the man that I have been married to for 21 years after I finally let go.

I still think about my ex even though it has been years, so I can relate. I would probably not continue to think about them though if I found someone new. The fact that you met someone great means that it is possible to meet someone else great. So yes, I believe there IS a life. <br />
<br />
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.<br />
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.<br />
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.<br />
- Marianne Williamson -