four years ago this September i was seduced by my older brothers wife. i was sixteen at the time. she was someone i could talk to and i had accepted her as sort of a mother figure because my mom was not around a lot and my father would drink on a daily basis. me and my little brother moved in with my older brother when my parents split up. i would wrestle with her at times just like i would my brother and cousins but she would always rub against me and i would just get up and walk away. then one day i was watching a movie and was rubbing my back when she sat next to me and started massaging my back. she took my shirt off and said it was getting in the way. then she took my sweat pants off and was rubbing my leg. i did not think much of it till she started pressing her boobs on my hands and she bit my finger. i felt uneasy and wanted to get up then my older brother had gotten home from work and she got up and went into her room. i put my pants on and went into my room confused. the following day it was around five and he had left for work. so she came into my room which would get about thirty degrees at night since it was tile and she asked me if i wanted to go in her room. i said i was ok and she left. she came back maybe ten to fifteen min later and asked again. i paused for a while and followed her back. she had the heater going and i laid in bed. i started falling asleep and she was rubbing my back. she kind off turned me towards her and began rubbing her lips on mines. she kissed me and i dint know why i just froze and she started kissing me. after a while i guess i was curious because i kissed back and she started taking my clothes off. then she asked me what i was doing and i replied i dint know then she said i can never tell anybody and i stayed quiet and nodded. she then put a condom on me and i was not up so she had a hard time doing that i was just trying to not think of what was happening it was like i could not get up. now that i think of it i was weak at the time. she made me get on top of her and told me how to move. i did not finish then she said i could have some later. so she got up and got me up then she opened her door and i walked out. i threw away the condom and went into my little brothers room not knowing what to think or do. a few weeks passed and she would go into my room and try to wrestle with me but i ignored her and pushed her away. till she jumped on me one day and started rubbing me and kissing me. i tried to get up but she held me. she outweighed me by about ninety pounds i got into a trance again starting to kiss her. she got up and led me to her room. she then asked me to call my dad to ask when Head get home so we would not get caught. i did and i should have escaped but i could not. she had me again and i showered after. when i went back to my room she messaged me through Man and asked if it could happen again. i said no. she asked if i think less of her and even though i did i said no. she asked for a last kiss and i said no to please leave me alone. then what happened after that was she got depressed and would listen to sad songs. everyone wondered what was her deal but i kind of knew.. ever since then my life was changed. i cant be around my brother and i cant bond with him like i use to. she looks at me like she still wants me. and even though i should turn her in i cant. they had a baby boy about six months after and i dint want to destroy his life or anyone else's around me. i try to put it in the past but everyone wonders why i seem to be changed from who i was. but how can i tell everyone what has happened without things falling apart again my brother and my dad and me all work in the same place. we all live in the same city. my girlfriend wants me to turn her in but i cant bring myself to destroy my brothers life and his sons life like i feel mine was. everyone thinks my girlfriend has changed me but the truth is she is the only person who I have trusted to tell this to. i just dint know what happen down the road. me and my girlfriend have kind of been exiled from my family. but every time something family oriented ha pens and everyone comes together they wonder why I'm not there.. when shes there with my brother. looking at me. shes text me before asking me what was wrong and I have told her i cant forget what happened with her and me and she just responds with nothing happened she was twenty one at the time i just dint get it. i still feel unforgiven for what happened. i try to put it in the past but the memories haunt me. i cant talk to my girlfriend about it because it makes her sad and makes her angry. shes told me shes going to turn her in though i dint thank that help. i dint think her going away is going to make my memories vanish. thoughts anyone
z00med z00med
Aug 2, 2010