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I Never Came Home

I am a combat veteran who served our country (U.S.) proudly. I finished 9 tours, serving in several war theatres. After every deployment, we returned to American soil, went back to whichever significant half and or family that are waiting for us. We should be happy to be home. We should kick back and transition into civilian life until new orders are received.

My head tells me to go back to war though, as if something was left behind. My body and most of my head seems to be there, but a part of me never left the warzone...

This was quite a while ago. I have been struggling with my combat PTSD ever since, tried numerous treatments, both physical and medicinal, but even to this day (after 8 years of retirement) I am still not completely home.

Right now I live in the Netherlands. I moved here not long after I discharged from the U.S. Army. I literally fled from everything that was connected with my service but it's useless to run. Now I have somewhat come to terms with the most severe symptoms, mainly the Anxiety attacks. Fight or flight is slowly fading as a natural reaction to such a situation.
I am doing way better lately, but the trauma will never disappear completely. Telling yourself that it will vanish into thin air eventually would just be lying to yourself. But I have learned to live with it. As a soldier, you are used to focus on one mission and that kind of drive is essential in dealing with combat ptsd.

If you have any questions please hit me up here.
375rgrvet 375rgrvet 31-35, M Sep 29, 2011

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