I wrote a story a few years ago about being jealous of my best friend who was pregnant with her second child and about my fear that I may never have children. Here we are 3 years later. I got engaged this month and am getting married in just a couple months. I've been enjoying all the excitement and planning. I'm not usually one who seeks attention but would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying it now. (Sorry this isn't the most organized story but please bear with me.) A couple weeks ago I really thought I might be pregnant. I had an overwhelming feeling and even thought I was experiencing some symptoms. I realized that the timing wouldn't have been the best because I just got engaged and have the wedding coming up. However I was still excited at the thought of it because I've always worried that I might not even be able to get pregnant. Anyway, I hadn't told this friend yet that I had already taken a few pregnancy tests and gotten negative results. She came to me and said she felt pregnant but her test was negative too. That's when I told her I had tested too. We both decided to test one more time on the same day. We both got negatives again. Well a couple days ago, she texted me a picture of her positive pregnancy test. I'm ashamed to admit it but I was heartbroken. This will be her 3rd child. So now during this time that I am supposed to be enjoying the excitement and planning of my wedding, all I'm going to hear my friends and family talk about is going to be her baby. Like I said... I'm really not usually one to seek attention but I just wanted my 15 minutes in the spotlight. Something wonderful is finally happening in my life and I am jealous that I have to share what I feel like it's my time with her and listening to everybody talk about babies which is already painful in itself wanting that too. I know how ashamed I should be about my helps feelings...and I am. I just wish I had someone who could relate to how I'm feeling but I can't talk to any of my friends or family about it. They are close to her too. They don't understand. Is there anybody who can relate? Please no negative comments.
thinkingmythoughts thinkingmythoughts
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

just be patient and know that one day you will have a beautiful child and more if you wish so! :) steer yourself towards learning about being pregnant instead of being jealous about not being pregnant

Have you tried telling her your feelings also?

I failed to mention that this friend who is now pregnant is also one of my bridesmaids in my wedding. We'll have to spend time together. I can't avoid this which would honestly be the easiest thing to do even if it isn't the best. I just don't know how I can handle wedding planning with her when all she will do is talk about her pregnancy and everything. It will probably be best for everyone if I just fake happy like I always do...that hurts though. I don't know how I can do this.