I Am Jealous of My Best Friend
She's been my best friend for years and sometimes I would just stop talking to her, stop answering the phone etc. because I couldn't stand it anymore. I think the things I'm so jealous of aren't really important but jealousy can get so much worse in no time, I was scared to face her.
1. I'm jealous because she's rich.
My family's always been poor. I know it's nothing wrong to have a friend who's got more money than you but I never felt quite comfortable at her house. I felt sad when I got to eat lunch with her and her family. Not only they are rich, but they're also a complete family. Mom, dad, older sister. What made me angry most often was the fact that she had it all and she didn't (and doesn't) seem to be happy about it... or at least try to respect it. Her dad is such a kind person, he'd do anything for her but she doesn't even have time for him, she doesn't bother to stay home 5 minutes longer to talk with him. Her mom is a little bit short-tempered but she's also very nice, and yet, she's always arguing with her. Her sister is older than her but for a sister that's a few years older, she's really friendly with her - no secrets or neglecting like older sister usually do, and my friend is also arguing with her for some stupid reasons.
2. I'm jealous because she has many friends.
When she was younger, she often told me that nobody's gonna like her etc. I spend a lot of time trying to cheer her up. I cheered her up even when she actually HAD friends who liked her a lot already (it was necessary because she always had some "buts", or their friends were "stupid" or something; again, I got the feeling she's not happy with what she's got already.) Now that she has many friends who ARE real friends (they're more helpful than I am and more than I even was, so I'm sure they are real), friends with whom she spends a lot of time, with whom she seems to have fun and more - she told me she doesn't have any friends, that they're not real, and even that she doesn't have a reason to live. I was just so angry.
3. I'm jealous because she's lucky.
I can't say I never caused any problems to anyone, but compared to her, I was a good kid. And yet, I was never on good terms with my homeroom teachers. My psychologists also made sure I'll never bother them again. Okay, I admit, it must have been my fault: I can't talk to people, I don't know how. But still, I'm jealous... because I was never rude nor aggressive like she was - and both teachers and any kind of therapist, doctors - school ones or "normal" (it seems we had one and the same psychologist at least once) - always liked her, smiled at her and were cheering her up - the way I could only dream of. Even when, like she told me once, nothing was wrong with her, but she was drunk and didn't want them to notice so she started crying.
4. I'm jealous because people treat her differently.
For example, there was a friend of mine with whom I was in love with (mutually at that time). Although I felt I was loved, we were spending a lot of time with each other - were hardly ever talked about something... serious. Like, I knew about some unpleasant things about him but it was only superficial. However, she was the one who got to know more.
There's a lot more things but I guess that's enough.
I gotta say that I actually tried to talk with her about how I feel, that I'm jealous and all but it always ended the same: she started laughing and told me it's not true. So I just try to forget about it, but sometimes it's stronger than me. I try avoiding her then. I know being jealous is wrong, just as it's not wrong to be lucky or rich. (I occasionally hate her though. *shrug*)
1. I'm jealous because she's rich.
My family's always been poor. I know it's nothing wrong to have a friend who's got more money than you but I never felt quite comfortable at her house. I felt sad when I got to eat lunch with her and her family. Not only they are rich, but they're also a complete family. Mom, dad, older sister. What made me angry most often was the fact that she had it all and she didn't (and doesn't) seem to be happy about it... or at least try to respect it. Her dad is such a kind person, he'd do anything for her but she doesn't even have time for him, she doesn't bother to stay home 5 minutes longer to talk with him. Her mom is a little bit short-tempered but she's also very nice, and yet, she's always arguing with her. Her sister is older than her but for a sister that's a few years older, she's really friendly with her - no secrets or neglecting like older sister usually do, and my friend is also arguing with her for some stupid reasons.
2. I'm jealous because she has many friends.
When she was younger, she often told me that nobody's gonna like her etc. I spend a lot of time trying to cheer her up. I cheered her up even when she actually HAD friends who liked her a lot already (it was necessary because she always had some "buts", or their friends were "stupid" or something; again, I got the feeling she's not happy with what she's got already.) Now that she has many friends who ARE real friends (they're more helpful than I am and more than I even was, so I'm sure they are real), friends with whom she spends a lot of time, with whom she seems to have fun and more - she told me she doesn't have any friends, that they're not real, and even that she doesn't have a reason to live. I was just so angry.
3. I'm jealous because she's lucky.
I can't say I never caused any problems to anyone, but compared to her, I was a good kid. And yet, I was never on good terms with my homeroom teachers. My psychologists also made sure I'll never bother them again. Okay, I admit, it must have been my fault: I can't talk to people, I don't know how. But still, I'm jealous... because I was never rude nor aggressive like she was - and both teachers and any kind of therapist, doctors - school ones or "normal" (it seems we had one and the same psychologist at least once) - always liked her, smiled at her and were cheering her up - the way I could only dream of. Even when, like she told me once, nothing was wrong with her, but she was drunk and didn't want them to notice so she started crying.
4. I'm jealous because people treat her differently.
For example, there was a friend of mine with whom I was in love with (mutually at that time). Although I felt I was loved, we were spending a lot of time with each other - were hardly ever talked about something... serious. Like, I knew about some unpleasant things about him but it was only superficial. However, she was the one who got to know more.
There's a lot more things but I guess that's enough.
I gotta say that I actually tried to talk with her about how I feel, that I'm jealous and all but it always ended the same: she started laughing and told me it's not true. So I just try to forget about it, but sometimes it's stronger than me. I try avoiding her then. I know being jealous is wrong, just as it's not wrong to be lucky or rich. (I occasionally hate her though. *shrug*)
By:
deleted
Age:
26-30
