"donation" Children And Jealousy.

I am seeing this man who just informed me after 6 months that he has 2 twins. a boy and a girl (6 years old). The twist is... that they are "donation" babies. His ex girlfriend ended up marrying a woman and asked him if they could have sex in order for her to have children. He sees them twice a year because they live in a different state than him. The kids know that he is their father, but the donation part has yet to be explained until they are older. to them Daddy travels for work which is why he cannot visit as much (this to me is a horrible lie). Now this situation is a weird one for me... because i feel like it was a VERY generous act on his part to provide this woman with her own kids with her wife. but at the same time i hold a lot of resentment. Its almost to the point of obsessive. I have never felt so much jealousy in my life, it is literally consuming my mind and building a pit in my stomach that i cant shake. I can't understand WHY he would be willing to give away his first born to a couple. to me that is the most precious thing in the world to experience. It's one thing if it is an accident pregnancy, but this was on purpose. he chose to give away that special moment and i resent that because I wanted that special moment with him. I know i am being extremely selfish, and believe me i have tried every way possible to think of it differently as a good thing, but i keep going back to this horrible feeling. Another thing is in the future i want to have kids, but how am i going to explain to them that they have step brothers and sisters in another state yet at the same time their father wasnt part of their lives as much. I'm so confused at what to do. It's to the point where im drawing away from this situation all together. It doesnt help that he told me he loves his exgirlfriend (mother of his children) the same amount as me. ... yep not helping. How can i cope with this? should i just walk away now? is this too much baggage for me to deal with? :(
xskittlemonsterx xskittlemonsterx
22-25, F
May 16, 2012