I Can't Seem To Accept My Boyfriend Has Children With Someone Else

Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now and for some reason my feelings towards his two daughters have gotten worse. I've run into a lot of issues in the past with their mother wanting him back and now I can't seem to accept he has children with her. Lately I've accepted the fact and have admitted I'm a bit jealous he has children with someone else. I love his daughters, I really do and when I'm with them it's great, but I find myself getting very bitter when it comes time to them occupying his attention and time. I guess what im saying is im selfish and feel kinda disgusted he loves his children like that... I don't like to see them cuddling or anything :-( it makes me very uncomfortable. I feel horrible because I know they need their fathers love, but why does it have to be my boyfriend. I feel that because I don't have children, I tend to get annoyed when they have to come spend the weekend over, and now my time is obligated like his.... I know I sound horrible (sigh) but I can't understand how I'm supposed to now accept this, or why I feel this Way. He is the perfect man, except he has kids.... I thought when I fell in love with him I'd fall in love with his kids, and I do adore them.... But Im not in love with them, I just love them. I treat them like my Own and do everything I can for them, but inside I feel hurt that he shares these children with another woman... Am I wrong?!? I know I am, and I want to be with him and accept his children or we cannot get married. Will things change when I have my own children? I'm not sure I want children now because 3 children would be difficult financially... I don't want to give up, or give up on my dream man, but I'm stuck here and I'm not sure how to get rid of feeling resentful. Any feedback or help would be greatly appreciated.
Yeribeth Yeribeth
26-30, F
57 Responses May 23, 2012

I feel the same exact way!! The difference is I have my own child, a little girl. He has two boys 13 and 9. There mother is awful and she constantly tells them **** she shouldn't and bad mouths their father. But he has the boys more than her. When it's just him, my daughter and I everything's great! Than they come back from her and boom everything changed. I hide while there here trying to minimize my time with them. I wouldn't like it if he were like that with my kid but she's 4 years old and it's alot different with a younger child. I try with his kids I do but his oldest just ignores me and his youngest his a smart ***. I know my kid isn't perfect by far she can be a lot at times. But I do correct her when she's out of line. He says nothing to them and I feel like it's because of his ex. I want him to have a talk with them about how when your with mom you do what she says when your here it's mine and Mercedes rules. How can I expect them to listen or respect me when he doesn't ask or make that clear to them. I feel like I'm being as childish as them by steering clear of them. My boyfriend doesn't know I have such bad strong feelings against his kid and I know this will only tear us apart. But how do you fix that

Guys, I hope somebody replies to me. I am with someone for almost three years. I knew that he has a son 3 years of age. He told it to me very late. I never had a problem with the child and I accept his child. I haven't seen his child in person. My problem is the mother, we don't have a connection, and my boyfriend and her was not in good terms because the family of the girl hid the child from him.. But my boyfriend wants to meet his son someday. Me and my boyfriend were very much okay so much love when I had this feeling to stalk one post of the mother or the ex of my bf saying... "There are people who will come back to you after three and a half years... Saying hi, asking how are you? She is furious and the person should be thankful because they didn't chase him. That person is lucky. She had badluck" i also got mad because basically my bf and his ex doesnt have any communication already, and i called my bf, did you message your ex? He told me no. I said, "then why is it that your ex has a post like that on fb?" He told mw he doesnt know maybe her ex have seen pictures of us thats why she created a post like that. Somehow i wasnt convinced. And he said to me, if i want to talk to her, i shouldve done that before. are we starting again? And I only want to talk to my child, and I will ask permission from you. So I accepted his answer. But still not convinced and insist if he is the one who would message his ex like that? Because, who else? Obvious that before 3 and a half yes their child was born. I am very much worried because I'm still jealous of his ex knowing that I think she doesn't accept us as a couple.. I wish she respects us. Maybe were just too young but I hope everyone will get better soon. My boyfriend told me, if you can't accept it and yoWhy do I have a resting btch face? First, you don't know me. Second, I don't know you. Third, you don't know what I'm thinking or feeling. I texted my bf, sorry but i cant stop crying. I already accept it but i still get hurt, of only i was numb. I want to end my life. Then he replied, if u cant refrain.. Then u should stay away from me so that u dont think of it and i guess that will not change. That was my child. Now if u can't accept it stay away from me. . I told him, I accept your child. I dont have anything against him. I get hurt about your ex. I bet u underatand me. :'(.I feel I'm a bad person. Don't put your son in put in our conversation because he have not done anything wrong. Please. I just don't want you to let me go. Don't let me feel like I might do something bad about myself. Please place your feet into mine. :'( I hope u understand my part. I'm sorry love, i wish i have not read her post, i have no problem with ur kid. Even if I see him in person, I accept him. You already know that, love. You already know that my problem was your ex.. Maybe we have the same problem on adjuating..but I'm doing my best I will be the one to adjust. I should not mind what your ex is saying against. I love you so much. And you already know that I will not leave you. I dont have anything against your son. I admit that i am really hurt from your ex. But I never blame you child. I don't want to be selfish. And I don't want us to separate just because of it. I hope everything will get better someday. I hope that your ex will fully accept us someday. I love you so much.

Help, please. I just want to know how should I respond to this. Because this happened yesterday and I haven't got a text from him.

Guys, don't include this. I have a typo. I accidentally copy pasted yoWhy do I have a resting btch face? First, you don't know me. Second, I don't know you. Third, you don't know what I'm thinking or feeling.

Don't include this. Sorry guys

Ok here's my dilemma .
I met my boyfriend out. He advertised himself well military , job, is hot, respectful, etc.. He asked to hang out again , we did . Then it happened to be Father's Day and I said "oh u don't have kids do U ?" Not expecting a yes just making conversation and he was like yes . I immediately said oh no ... (In my head). I can handle things but not kids . And don't get me wrong I love kids (I'll be graduating in two months with an early childhood degree) but i don't have my own kids nor do I want them any time soon . I'm only 21. Needless to say I fell in love in a month , we've been together for about 7 months and live together . He's great . He treats me like a princess . Like perfect . The only thing I hate is him having a child . I mean ... His child 2 . He had sex w his bm after meeting her on ig and flying her to Texas (from GA) after face timing a few months or so because he was about to go overseas . He says he nutted in her once to get her pregnant being that he thought he was going to die overseas . It's called a deployment baby . That was his first time ever seeing her in real life and low and behold he got her pregnant . The girl is weird and totally different from me . She a ***** evidently to have sex with someone unprotected that u only saw once . Not to mention fly to Texas smh. Anyways two weeks later she's pregnant . She had an abortion before so she said she ddnt want to have another one so she'd keep it . They so called "dated" and said "I love u" and stuff but needless to say saw each other once . He was overseas during the entire pregnancy . He got back 2 days before his alleged daughter was born . He never had a DNA test and the baby has his last name . I guess he used to see the child often but now since he's been w me and working for the last 7 months he only saw her twice. He does pay child support . And face times her bc she lives 4 hours away . He says he loves his daughter and quite frankly I change the topic . Idc . He's mine . And tbh he doesn't even know if the child is his . Yeah the date line up but she's clearly someone who gets around so .. U never know nowadays . She's a weird chick. Not to mention she smoked weed while she was pregnant . Smh and then after he said he ddnt want to live w her we he came back to the states she became a "lesbian". Lived with this stud and raised her daughter . Anyways I've never met the daughter and don't want to . I love my man to death and he is my soul mate , I will my accept the child until I have my own w him when we are married . Period . I told him that she is not mine . I will not buy anything for her or spend time w her . I'm not obligated . He def needs a DNA test soon . Now he's taken off work to go see his daughter every month and I'm just like jealous . Ugh , he's mine . He adores me . The baby Mama is pretty dense if u ask me . She's one of those moms that will spend $100 on shoes for her baby but not have a home for her child . No to mention she smoked weed during her pregnancy again . These ppl are weird . I sometimes get angry and tell him how he should've waited for me to have kids . I make him feel so bad but I mean we can't change it . This may sound weird but I'm very close to my father like very very vey close and my parents were married when they had my brother and I with no outside kids . We're a pretty traditional family so I'm not used to step moms or sisters . I feel bad for feeling like this but oh well . It's life . I have no obligations to the child or to even treat the child like my own . I wouldn't mistreat the child or any child trust me I love kids . But there will be no staying with us for summers or me having the child alone without him . No obligations . And I don't like the bm either by Default . It's life . I don't like any woman my man has been with before me and she's no exception . We will never be friends or even talk about the child . If she ever says anything bad about me I'd ruin her life because she smokes weed in the car with a 2 year old . Smh my bf must've really been bored in training to talk to her let alone make a child with her . Smh shame on him . But my boyfriend knows how I feel . He still loves me and spoils me and says I'm his future wife . Btw the child doesn't even really associate w the fathers side . It's like they maybe see her once a year but I have seen and spoke w them way more . My bfs mom doesn't even have his bm s phone number or anything like mine . I've spent holidays w his family and days at his family's house . The bm has never . Lol ... So really all I'm missing is my baby and then we'll live happily ever after (hopefully)

It really is amazing to see so many people feel the same as I do. I have been with my guy for over two years. When I met him, I knew there was a possibilty he had a kid but the mother wouldn't let him see him and my bf wasn't even sure it was his. He seemed to be okay with it, so I never pressed the issue. Now, she has hit him up for child support, he ask for a dna and come to find out he is in fact his. Now he wants to step up and be involved in his life, which I know is the right thing to do but I'm having a hard time accepting but I told my bf I would see how it goes. I know that things are going to change and our relationship will be totally different. I got accustomed to the relationship and lifestyle we have and I don't want it to change. I don't want to have to take responsibilty for someone else's child. I don't want to have to spend my weekends and several days going to see this child. I don't want to have to hear about this child constantly. And I don't think I could ever open up enough to let the child in because its not my child. It makes me feel like this child is being pushed on me and I want to resent my bf for not being responsibile enough to not have had a child to begin with. (It was a fling long before me, they never dated.) So why should I have to suffer for their mistake? I don't want an already made family. I want my bf all to myself and for us to one day have our own family. I know this makes me sound horrible but I can't help how I feel. It makes me physically sick thinking about it and I am stressed to the max because I know I should just leave him. And even though I said I would try to manage, in my heart, this is not what I want and we would only be wasting time because I know in a month or so, I'll have to get out of the situation. I hate feeling this way and I know its selfish but in the end I'll sacrifice my happiness so that he can be happy with his son. If I ever learned anything in this, I know not to get involved with someone who has a child. Its been hard having to keep this bottled in, my true feelings about the situation, but I am glad to have been able to vent here. I wish others in this same perdicament luck.

It's sooooo funny I actually responded to this before, and things haven't changed between myself and my boyfriend... I still resent the fact he has kids, I still get annoyed he is so obsessed with his girl, especially when he comes over and barely acknowledges me sometimes. I haven't ever met the kids, I have less than zero desire to. I hope things have gotten better with you?

Aww I'm so sorry to hear this! How long have you been together?

Way too long (on and off for 3 1/2 yrs)

I feel you I'm going throw the same thing now

The only thing is I can't have kids I have pcos

Aww I'm so sorry you have to go through that. I know how hard it can be to not be able to conceive and still feel this way towards his kids. My sister in law is going through the same thing and my heart feels for her. In the event you two break up I'd steer away from men with children if these are the feelings you have. I'll be honest with my opinion that those feelings will probably never fade unless you can change your train of thought which is soooo much easier said than done.

I have this same issue. I have no children and my boyfriend of over a year has a beautiful daughter with his ex fiance and I just cannot get over it. I find myself jealous simply when he calls his own daughter gorgeous or that "no other baby is as cute as mine" because I immediately think "oh, he thinks his ex is gorgeous because their child looks like her" or "if we had kids they wouldn't compare to your child with her".
How does one get over this? I feel like I need to run off and have a baby with someone else just so I can feel the love he has for his daughter and not relate it to his former love with his ex. If anyone has some advice or tips on how to cope with this, it would be greatly appreciated.

Hi,I'm date a guy with 7 kids,the latest one he had at the beginning of our relationship,I don't think this a way of dealing with it....it's so painful,when the other women cal & "says is abt the kids" like really?

I'll be honest with you. I used to feel the same way and it was so hard to cope with but its do-able. What I did to rid my jealousy is become cordial witch their mother so that in my heart I knew their relationship was over. You must understand that when he calls her that it has NOTHING to do with her mom. All he's doing is making his daughter feel loved and that's most important especially since he probably already lives with the guilt he doesn't have her full time. That really takes a toll on parents. He feels like he needs to show her and tell her how much he loves her in the little time he has her. There's nothing more important to a parent than to make their child happy and to feel loved. I know you're probably thinking "whatever" but trust me. I've been there and it was sooooooo hard for me to watch. I used to think the same if we had children. We have a 4 month old son now and boy has my world of feelings changed. All of those feelings are gone. I don't have time to worry about him and his kids, I have my own to worry about and he shows he call the SAME EXACT type of love so if you two were to have children that wouldn't happen trust me. My advice though is not to push a child. Let the both of you be ready. I lived with he painful feeling of his kids for 6 years before we had our own and let me tell you I kick myself in the *** and now feel extremely guilty that I could ever make him or the kids feel like what they were doing was wrong. Who was I to take that love away from them? They need their father so who was I to get jealous? It's a completely different type of love and if I were my bf I would've left me a long time ago. No man will ever be able to enter my life and make me feel the way I made him feel about his kids. All I would want is for them to show my son the upmost respect and love or I would flip my ****. My child is my world and so is his but that doesn't mean you aren't neither. He needs you to be that role model and help him raise her. Be that bigger person and trust me you'll get what you deserve. I hope this helps!

I have my own child from a previous relationship and I still feel resentful towards his kids. When I was younger my fathers wife was awful to me and i mean she would beat me awful, I vowed to never be that way with someone esle's child. While I dont dare put my hands on my boyfriends sons, I do feel weird when there home. And he is such a great dad he has his boys more than their mother. But when there home 13 and 9 I feel like this isn't my home anymore and its extremely uncomfortable for myself and them. I don't know how to move past this, but if I dont I know we wont make it. And that man is the best thing to happen to me and my daughter. Yes he is perfect with my little girl like she was his own, so how can I feel the way I do towards his kids. I feel like a lot of it has to with there mom. She hates me and drunk text my boyfriend things she shouldn't so i messaged her one day and told her not to. I ask her to only call or text when it concerns the children. Now she's taken that over bored and won't text him at all especially if it concerns the kids. Maybe that wasn't my place, but as a someone's girlfriend who has an ex saying how i dreamt about us last night or i wish we could have our family back is not ok. I also think we have a problem because he can't sit his boys down and talk to them about things I think he should, Like when your at moms ok those are her rules but when your here its ours rules. Hes so afraid to say anything because of his ex and the way she reacts. I just love this man to death and i want us to stay together i do. I want to love his kids as my own but im having such a hard time with that and i feel so bad for not being able to accept them right now. I wish they only came over once in awhile instead of being here all the time. Which isnt fair because my daughter is with us 24/7 because he father is a MIA. Help please

I feel the exact same way :/

My boyfriend has a son that is 3, i love him and his son but i cant fight my emotions. We've been together for almost 3 years soo you can only imagine what im goin through. When we got together, his son was turning one and he was fresh out of relationship with his bm. They jad slept together 3 months prior to me talking to him. But i willingly dove in head first without fully thinking it through. Because, he was a great guy that was looking for love. We were in the same perdicament. But eventually all hell broke loose. His bm and i have had several run ins and there were points where my boyfriend didnt see his child. I felt bad wanting to be there for him also, i realized that a child is growing up without a parent, soo i convinced him to get him. Now that his son is here, our relationship is no longer the same. At night we usually cuddle eachother but unfortunately i had to sleep on the other end of the bed. I tried distancing myself and can hear nothing but my boyfriend playing and singing to his son. Telling him how much he loves him, when i havent heard it in several days. Then his son throws these fits, he spills, he chews on things that dont belong in a childs mouth. (Lightbulbs) then we have to attempt to get him to spit them out. He screams to the top of his lungs when he wants something. He has no home training, Also my boyfriend doesnt believe in raising his voice at his bm, but i never hear the end of it. 😔

i'm so happy i'm not alone in this.. my boyfriend has a child with an ex girlfriend he was with for a long time and lived with. him and i live together now and want to get married. but the only thing hurting us is the fact that i can't 100% accept the fact that he has a child with someone else. everytime the kid is around i act like the best "step-mom" i can be, i give him attention, play with him.. but the second its just him and his dad, i get angry, jealous, there is an ache in my stomach and all i can think about is my boyfriend with his ex girlfriend and picturing them together and i just want my boyfriend to myself! i also had a miscarriage with my boyfriend and i had the hardest time even looking at his son after that because it hurt too much knowing someone else gave my boyfriend something i lost.. that it should be my child my boyfriend is playing with, dressing etc. and now i am pregnant again and now i am extremely worried the anxiety i have when i am around my boyfriends son and my boyfriend will affect my pregnancy.. I wish i was the first one he had a child with because i know it'll upset me that he will be more experienced when our child arrives than i will be.. and i am worried he wont give our child as much attention as he gives his. i feel horrible thinking all these things but these thoughts are really affecting me and my relationship.. i dont want to lose him i just hope things get easier for me in this situation.

Glad I'm not the only one im 24 my boyfriend is 26 we have been together over 2 1/2 years he has a 6 year old daughter at first she was fine very shy and hardly spoke now it's almost like she's jealous of me every time I go near my boyfriend to cuddle or kiss or maybe he comes over to me she always pulls him away or simply gets in the way, now I'm find the love I had for her is turning to hate but because I love my boyfriend so much I'm dealing with it I just go into a different room when she's around so she can have her time with her dad, now it's come to a point where I've suggested having a child of our own and he doesn't want it, not yet anyway he says he's not ready I just don't know what to do 😔

What a bummer! It's a tough feeling when the child is jealous of you. I've come a long way since I wrote this blog. My only suggestion is to possibly include her in some of the cuddling so she doesn't feel like she's left out. It doesn't hurt for you to maybe show her some love, that way she will begin to back off when it's your quality time with him instead of her feeling as if she needs to step in. It's so much easier said than done, I've been there it's hard but try to remember how you would feel as a kid, or even better.... Imagine how you would feel if someone treated your baby like that when you weren't around. My bf didn't want kids for years, like yours he wasn't ready. We just had a baby after 5 1/2 years together and it changed my life. I focus less on the small things and show them love because if someone treated my son like that if I wasn't with him my heart would be broken. It took a long time for my closure of jealousy, I'm sure you'll get there too. What I can say is his child will love you as much as their mother if you treat them with love... It's the way kids think. Embrace her and treat her as your own. I live with a lot of regret now and sadness that I could have ever dampened their childhood to make them not feel wanted, the time flew and I can't believe for so many years I made them possibly feel unwanted in my house. I feel bad for my bf who lost the connection because I wanted to be selfish and jealous when they needed their fathers attention. The love for your partner is 100% different than the love for your child and I now learned that. Love her and he will love you more. There's nothing worse as a parent than someone kid treating your child, I don't know how my bf stuck around for so long. Good luck

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I can relate to a lot if you woman .I have been with my man 8 yrs now. Still.....I wish it was just us without kids. He has one son. But I never wanted kids myself. And fell in love with someone who had a kid. We live in a cold state of Alaska. Because that's where the boys mother lives .So we cannot move until he is graduated. Now I feel that will never happen. Because he's getting closer and closer the more yrs we stay here near his son. Our deal was to move where we wanted after his son grew up and graduated high school. But the sentimental value that I don't share, being that I don't have children. Is not the same as his. I care for his son. But don't know how to love a child that isn't mine. I love freedom. And no one is a monster for feeling like that.

I don't know what to do because I'm living a constant dilemma, having the man of my dreams, marrying my best friend but living with the fact that he has another child with someone else is almost too much for me to bare, but I don't ever want to let him go. 😭

Exactly

I know how you feel, I don't think you're wrong for feeling this way, I feel exactly the same towards my fiancés daughter, having a baby of your own doesn't help, in fact I think it made it worse, now I just think what if my daughter doesn't want an older sister? What if my fiancés kid is mean to her (which she is which makes it harder for me) I'm sorry I don't have any advice on how to get over it, I was hoping to find that myself but hopefully it makes you feel better knowing someone feels the same.. good luck. Xo

I also have jealous feelings but it is towards my boyfriend's niece. I am 22 and my boyfriend is 26. He has a niece who is 14 and a nephew who is 9. I don't know why i only feel jealous of her spending time with him but not of my boyfriend spending time with his nephew. My boyfriend gives me lots of attention and love so I know that he is not the problem. I am just jealous and possesive of his niece spending time with him. I don't know how to stop having these feelings. All I want is to jusf be able to accept her and not feel all this jealousy nonsense.

I am 30yrs old and so is my bf. He has a 7 year old son by his ex wife. I feel like my bf acts like a baby...granted his father gets him every other weekend but damn. My bf lets him get away with **** and doesn't discipline him like he should. When i try to get some attention or his dad and I are talking he keeps calling out for his dad and the **** drives me crazy...it makes me want to tell his son "don't you see us talking? But who am I to set boundaries. This truly irks my nerves and makes me want to yell. At times i vet upset and go leave the house. I can't stand to be around when his son acts like a baby or act like he's dependent on his dad every freaking 3 minutes literally. This **** is crazy and I'm trying to make it work. I love my bf and his son but all that whining and **** I just can't deal. His son act like he can't sleep by himself, take a shower in his own bathroom or nothing geesh!. His son ****** up my plant and my bf act like he didn't do anything. I was livid and just walked into the bedroom. I hate that I feel the way I do but its real folks this **** is definitely real. When its just the two of us things are okay but when his son comes over I be like here we go. I know its because we don't have kids together and I have none period. Like most of you guys I wish it was just my bf and I but what's done has already been done. I've been asked "Is it worth it? Yes but then I sometimes say no because I'm stressed because of this ****. I want to leave and go about my life and have kids with someone who doesn't have any kids....but then how will they treat me? Will they treat me as good as my bf does now. Sometimes I just want to say I need space. PS I've spoken to my bf about how I feel about the situation..except for the part about his son acting like he's a baby. I pray and pray and ask God to help me and that if its meant for me and bf to be together please show me and he does. This is how I know that its all me.... I'm just not use to this ****. It's like the little boy knows that he will always come first. **** even I know that but damn even if my bf and I don't get married or stay together he needs to set some sort of boundaries.

I am having the same issues, the only difference is we actually have four kids.
My son, his two girls and son
Our boys are the same age!
We have my son and the girls full time, his son we only have half the time but literally seems like he's here full time. He eats as much as my eleven year old, every time we go to Walmart he crys if he doesn't get a toy, asks constantly for toys, messy.. He's awful does anything for attention, when I am talking he talks, he's mean to our other three kids, he hits them!
All that you have mentioned but three times worse..
His Dad will literally go by him expensive toys anything he wants yet the other three kids we have full time have gotten two toys the whole year, he buys him toys but not any of the others.
I don't know how to resolve the issue, I have stressed fairness and love should be shared amongst the four equally. He doesn't seem to care!!
Our girls and my son literally don't have a mommy/daddy half the time like his son.. all they have is us and they don't deserve him favoring to his four year old over sized baby, this boy wears 6t pants and shirts he's three times the size of my son and is the same size of our/his youngest daughter. When his dad isn't around he acts and talks like a big boy shares, he's kind, ect but the second his dad gets home it's a whole different story.
He seeks for excessive amounts of attention, daughter and my four year old son same age as his doesn't act like this!!!
Idk what to do but I need help, have you been able to work through the issues of so how???
It's not just me who sees him doing this the kids see it, and his son brags!
These issues are literally about to end our relationship completely, I could understand a little better if it was his only child but this boy is not his only child he has three.
This boy actually very, very smart
Not sure how much more I can take! When I think about leaving, I feel extreme amounts of sadness for the girls.

Hi, I'm a new member to site, I am a 30 year old mother of two. This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony i have ever seen.. I visited a forum here on the internet after i had an argument with my husband and my marriage of 5 years was broken down and i was totally inconsolable and without hope because i have tried all means to get my husband back after much pleading and did everything possible to make sure that he comes back, but nothing worked out for me and I have thought of suicide at times.... i saw a marvelous testimony of this powerful and great spell caster called Dr Oye on the forum.. And i saw how He reunited a family and brought the Husband of a woman back to her in just 24 hours..I never believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about magic before.. Not a soul would have been able to influence me about magical spells, not until Dr Oye did it for me and restored my marriage of 5 years back to me and brought my spouse back to me in the same 24 hours just as i read on the internet..i was truly astonished and shocked when my husband came to my house and knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of expressions, and i don't know how much to convey my appreciation Dr Oye is certainly a God sent to me and my entire life and family.. he did his work just as he guaranteed me in 24 hours and it yielded an optimistic result to me and i was able to get my Husband back. right now my Husband has falling so much in love with me and my kids like never before. This spell casting isn't brain washing but he opened up his eyes to see how much i love and wanted him, i really don't know how best to be grateful for bringing happiness into my life and family, and now i am a joyful women once again. ABUYE SPELL TEMPLE

Well I searched the Internet for jealousy of a child and bam. Here I am. I am in a relationship for the last two years but we both have kids! He has his daughter every weekend and I have my son every other weekend because he goes to see his father. Sometimes when I don't have my son with I can get super jealous. I miss my son and when we do get to cuddle at the end of the day on the couch, (my boyfriend and I) if his daughter starts to climb on his lap I'm pushed aside basically. I know she still young. She's 4 years old and my son is 6. I don't say anything because I don't want to seem incredibly shallow. We back each other up with discipline all the time and to be on that same page is amazing. He always said no kids at all but when he had his daughter said no more! But he has been willing to accept my son (to the best of my knowledge) We haven't had a date night just the two of us since last summer.... And it's now June! I have mentioned it but there's nothing to be done. I was basically told this is the way it will be for the next few years. Deal or deal is my options. He works full time, goes to school full time and does weight training. I get to go over one night a week and that is it because there's no way I'm allowed to stay over on a weekend when his draughts there. I go over he does homework until bed time while I play with my son and do house work. Some things need patience. The kids won't be small forever and there won't always be homework. (Even though I just finally went back to college too haha). We are 31 and 33 years old. Soon before we know it our kids will be "too cool" to be with us and it will be a whole new set of challenges. But what's a life a planned boringness? At least this is what I tell myself every time I feel that ping in my tummy and walk away while they cuddle and I'm practically forced off the couch. :)

LISTEN, EVERYONE

you need some time to yourself to think. find a place where you can be alone and relax. listen to music and soul search. ask yourself if you truly love with all your heart. IF you can't then end it before you hurt yourself and them. IF you feel like something will always be lacking for you turn away, because someone else will be able to accept that for love and you cant.
before you decide ask yourself if its maybe your insecure about your own ideals, what it is you truly want. and ask yourself if they have they deserved it? have they earned it? and most importantly are they worth it...

to let go.

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Yep. My boyfriend has 6 children. At first told me he has 3. two teenage boys and a 5 year old daughter. To find out myself he actually has another 12 year old son, 9 year old daughter, and ANOTHER 5 year old daughter. 3 different mothers. Cheated on his last woman with another woman, they both had their daughters at the same time. Did he tell me himself, nope! Found out for myself. Hes 36, Im 23- with no children. At first i accepted it all, but thank God for giving me clarity. He talks about how he wants to marry me & to give him his last 4 children (BARF!). It is not normal to be spreading so many seeds amongst so many women. He doesn't have a good track record at all. The fact he lied to me & try to trap me in his web shows his character. I do not have to accept and carry his baggage. I am young with a whole lot ahead of me. I was pretty heart broken about it all, especially because he came whispering all the sweet nothings i wanted to hear. But im sure thats what he did with the other women too. I just thank The Almighty for giving me the strength and smarts to get out now. You dont have to settle! I know I am not a judgmental person and God forbid he never finds "love" but I don't have to accept any of it and I refuse to be trapped.

I'm a single mother of a four month old, and this post makes me not want to try to date. My daughter will always come first to me, and while i would love to get married eventually, I don't want anyone to feel the way you ladies feel.

im a guy going through what everyone on here as posted about with a girlfriend. IT seriously can suck some times

Hi there! I have a similar situation. Only its me who has a son who's 8 so the roles are reversed. I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and he has no children and I am his first relationship. Hes 32 I'm 28. He has recently told me he doesn't like the fact that I haven't given him enough attention and my son is always around. So I can relate to you through my boyfriend. It came as a shock to me because I never knew he felt that way. He was always so amazing with my son. He would take him to the movies, buy him tons of toys, watch him when I went out with friends, took him to school when I was in a bind with work, and went to all his sports. So I was so upset to hear that he felt second best. I never knew he felt that way at all! And when I looked at the whole picture I could tell that I treated him as such. So now we have talked about it and I promised to spend more time with him. And make an effort for us. Before I never gave it a second thought. We never got to go out with just us. maybe in the past 3 months we were out once. I feel so guilt ridden I never saw it. But talking to your significant other would help I'm sure. Maybe he doesn't know how you feel. I didn't and it has costed me my relationship. I only hope he can see the changes I'll make to make him more of a priority in our lives. Good luck.

I'm relieved to know many of you share the same thoughts, although a bit saddened because I can relate to your pain. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now - long distance, and he has two kids from a previous marriage. The ex doesn't bother me and any initial feelings of jealousy I had towards her have fallen to the wayside. What does bother me is the fact that I am constantly on the backburner for his children. He has them Wednesdays through Sunday mornings so the only time we have together is on Sundays. I'm getting really antsy to have more time with him, but he's perfectly content with the arrangement. He's an amazing father and worships his children, but he will not give up time with them for me - ever. I would never ask him to give up a significant amount of time but it would be nice if he would at least desire more time with me. He doesn't seem phased that we can't ever have a weekend alone, or a real date night or any time where it's just me and him for longer than one whole day. Lately I've been getting really fed up with it and I keep picking arguments over our lack of time together. He pretty much told me his kids come first but that he does make us a priority whether I believe it or not. Well I am sorry, but one day a week with very little flexibility doesn't allow me to believe our relationship is as significant to him as it is to me. We are not in the best place and breaking up has been thrown around quite a bit. Neither one of us wants that to happen, but I also don't know how to accept that this is the reality. I know he's been getting increasingly frustrated with my constant need to nag or "give him grief" as he calls it. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just feel like I'm desperate for more, knowing he can't give it to me right now. I know it's a "deal with it or get out" situation, but I'm in love with him and it's not so easy to walk away now. I don't mind the kids, I think they're great, but I do get resentful of how much he loves them and craves time with them and experiences with them. He never shows me any of that. I never feel that he craves time and experiences with me. I know he cares about me and looks forward to our time together, but he is not going to make any extra effort to make it more than it is. I get so jealous of the kids and it's not their fault. But I hate that he had this whole life before me and now I'm just here, begging for his attention, feeling disappointed each time he looks the other way. I don't know what to do. I really don't.

God, I can relate o you so well - I am almost in the same situation, but it will be three years soon since we met and indeed, like you said - things are egtting worse. I don't know how to deal with my jealousy, how to accept his kid, how to be more acceptive of the fact, that when he is with his daughter I just get abandoned, and he wouldn't care if I died in those days - he simply wouldn't notice. Can you tell me if you'd had any progress with you problem? Are you working on getting over it or did it go the bad way and you split up?

Hi Rachel,

I hope you he either woke up and gave you the affection and attention you deserve, or that you woke up and realized that you need your needs meet, and this guy is just not up to the task...you were with him one whole year -- all those lonely times -- did you not date other people? I hope you started to -- as woman we need to keep our options open -- you don't have to tell him anything of what you do those other 6 nights a week -- start interviewing men to cast in the role of their lifetime -- YOUR TRUE LOVE. Your man will sense that you are not needy -- you will gain the confidence that other men are out there (we somehow forget this when we attach!) and you will see that he is not the last man on earth (none of them are) -- yes, falling in love in not easy to find -- but the longer you stay that longer it will be until you find the one that was really really right!

Hi my name is natalie i came across this forum and feel relieved to know am not alone except am 25 and my partner is 42 we have a 3 month old daughter and he has two teenage boys 16 and 19 ladies i can honestly say i cannot imagine anything worse i got pregnant pretty fast and they both come over every other weekend and i hate it they have done nothing wrong to me and i havent to them we get along great and they were really accepting of the situation and towards the end was excited for a little sister. Now i know teenage boys are lazy ect but there mother spoils them so much they come to my house that i pay everything for and slob out cos its dads house too leave plates on my carpet spill drinks all the usual a teenager does it f**** me off so much silly things like wet towels on floor toothpaste all over i am looking after a 3 month old and dad hardly says anything but its not my place to say anything or do you think i should get tougher like some of you ladies say i just go upstairs keep busy i cannot relax am on edge all the time and i think everyday i cannot take this am 24 and i clean up after two teenagers every other weekend i would be better a single mum i think this alot any help ot advice would be great i feel terrible for acting this way please get intouch.

I am here if you wanna talk, I go through a similar situation with my girlfriend. Im a guy. looking for people to help normalize my jealousy feelings etc

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Oh my goodness, I am so glad to see that I am not the only one. I thought that my thoughts were not normal and even considered getting counseling, which probably still wouldn't be a bad thing. My fiance and I haven't been together long, but I am utterly and completely in love with him. He also has an 8 year old son, and we have a 4 month old son together. We get his son every other week and I dread those weeks he is here. It is like I get mad. The whole week he is here I am a totally different person. I isolate me and the baby from everything. I even get mad when his son is near my baby. I also get jealous when they spend time together because we NEVER get to spend time together alone. I know it is a part of having kids, but I want time with him too. He is my love. But we can never have that it seems. I need him too. I have no idea what to do. I have asked God for help and have prayed about it and just want it to all go away. It is sad; I have even contemplated leaving him for the fact that I do feel this way. I do not know how to make it better. :(

I truly was starting to think I was the only one who felt like this.... My bf and I haven't been together super long but things have moved fast and we are what I would consider a serious relationship. He was married for 7 years and has a 6 year old daughter. When it is just me and him things are absolutely amazing,he is the most perfect guy I have ever been with. But his ex calls him or texts him almost every day and it drives me crazy! I can't help but get upset over it. In turn his daughter is sweet and really likes me but I can't help but completely resent her. All I see when I look at her is the love my bf used to have for his ex. So when he does anything for her all I do is see it as being for his ex z I am trying so hard to accept it but I don't know if I ever will. It's just so hard because I love him so much and want to spend my life with him. And I feel like his past and daughter are standing in the way of that

we should be friends, I feel the same way in my relationship same time tables.

Im a guy but I'm just looking for someone to help me feel normal about what I go through these same feelings with my girlfriend

Wow, this makes me feel a lot better to know that there are other women going through the same thing! I thought I was the only one or that there was something wrong with me. My BF has a 5 y/o with his ex GF from high school. They had him pretty young at 18. I've know about his son since before we started dating. I've always loved kids and always been looking forward to having kids in my life so I was never worried that it would be a problem. The first year of our relationship we didn't live together so I only met the boy once when I was leaving my BF's house after the ex GF had dropped the son off. The second year and ever since we have lived together so it's been quite different. The boy only comes over for 2 nights out of the week but during that time I am basically cooped up inside my room doing nothing. Immediately when his son comes over, whatever i'm doing doesn't matter anymore. I could be watching tv and my BF will say that it's time for his son to turn on cartoons. That is literally all they do for the 3 days his son is here is watch cartoons or play video games. They don't go outside, they don't go for walks, they don't go out to eat or anything. It doesn't help that my BF doesn't have a car so even if they wanted to go somewhere I would be stuck taking them. I really love his son, he is really cute and funny just like his dad, I just don't like the situation and the way my BF handles everything. His son constantly spill his drink on the carpet, despite my efforts to buy cups with lids and straws. My BF just brushed it off and barely cleans it up. I paid for the deposit in this place so it just angers me that he doesn't care. I understand that kids make messes and kids get into things but there need to be an understanding between the child and the adult on what is wrong or right. My BF just lets his son do whatever he wants and he will threaten to punish him but it never happens. I am not allowed to discipline the boy because "He's not mine". As if i don't already know that! Another reason is that i REALLY want to be a mom someday. I've expressed this my BF many times. My BF always says "I worry that if I have another baby it'll make my son feel jealous and I just can't do that".....hmmm so when we first met and you told me you would love to get married and have kids someday, were you n in your next life? I have been okay about the negative feeling in front of my BF and his son, i don't want my BF to think that I don't love his son or accept his son, but I would like him to know that I feel left out, i feel like he ONLY cares for his son and everything is just whatever. He never sets aside 1-3 days to spend with me, he's always on his damn video games. I'm so sorry, this wasn't meant to be a huge rant. I guess i am not sure if being with my BF is the right thing. In the end, it's not because of his son, it's because I see ho much my BF cares and loves his son, but i don't feel that he cares and loves me. I feel like he says it just because we are in a relationship and that we live together. I would feel bad leaving because then my BF would have to move back in with his parents and he probably would't have as much time with his son, but I really want someone who is going to commit their time to me. I need someone who is going to be there and be connected with me not off playing video games or hanging out with friends or watching cartoons with a 5 year old while I sit alone in our room. I know he know what he's doing. I've confronted him plenty of times and he's admitted to being disconnected. I love him so much and there are good parts to our relationship. Mainly the only good thing is that he makes me laugh and he's fun to spend time with. I guess I have a lot of thinking to do :-/

Im going through the same i met my bf when i was 15 in high school we dated on and off when i left the school we broke up and he found some rebound chick and she ended up pregnant, she cheated on him so last i heard the kid wasn't his. 3 years later we ended up together again 5 months in he finally tells me he has a daughter. I instantly was mad because i cannot stand the mother of his child. Weve been together 2 years and are engaged. The little girl is the sweetest thing ever but she is very clingy to her dad shes always kissing him on his lips sitting on him straddle way. Every Time i hug her father she has to hug him too if i lay next to him she'll come do it to and say no he's my daddy. I find myself jealous because i barely see him because of work and our school but when we do have time to spend together shes here and all his time has to go toward her. I love her i do a lot for her but just like others feel it hard because shes not mine and i know shes the reason my fiancé has to deal with her mother who wants him back. Just now she got upset because her father kissed me, and she refused to come anywhere near me. I had to listen to him tell her that she is more important than I'll ever be to him which hurt me a lot because even though i know shes more important i had never actually heard him say it out loud and it just broke my heart when i heard it. Im sad that my first child won't be his child and that we don't get to go through the experience for the first time as a team ill be a new mom learning motherhood and he'll be an expert on parenting. I lock myself in the room when shes here so that she can have alone time with him and doesn't feel like shes in competition with me. I don't want to compete with a child so i just keep my distance from him while shes here.

THIS COULD HELP: ive jus experience this feeling this afternoon and hated it. Its taken me all day to think of why this bothers me so much n I jus had insight of two things that could help and wanted to share. Remember this is what solution I see helpin me but hopefully it helps all of you as well. One: I had read 'the five love languages,' which I suggest all of you do asap it helped me greatly in all my relationships. It helped me realize with my ex that I was jelous of his mom family taking his time nor the sports and his friends like I once thought. I realized after the relationship after reading the love languages and figuring mine out that the real problem was I wasn't feeling enough love from him the way I needed it (my love language is quality time meaning I need to spend one on one time with someone to feel love from them) in turn it caused me to see ANYTHING taking his time as evil and as 'the problem.' In my new relationship ive had for over 2 years now whenever I felt jelous over things or friends I knew it was because he hasn't spent enough time with only me. Basically I felt neglected and need to feel love. In my experience whenevre it gets to this point I need a whole lot of love given to me to make me feel even liked. You could think of it as my love was in the negative it'll take a lot to make me even feel it so give it time the feeling will comeback just know you'll need to do the work as well as your partner.
Two: we all know of association and how that works. You associate a desk with work because it was drilled into us from school. If you sit at a desk you work. Sit at a dinning room table your mindset is telling your body its time to eat. if you walk into a bathroom even if you didnt at first have to use it your mind is so used to it that it tells your body to go. Ive associated his kids to his exes and it is the problem ive jus discovered. He has 2 with the first who doesn't bother me and actually made me feel comfortable with being with her and his children (one thing ive chaged is whenever talking about the kids is say that they are his and hers not 'theirs' theirs inplies to yourself that her and him are still a couple. Keep them separate!) Now the second ex tho has tried to get bak wit him still had piks of him on facebook of their wedding eventho she has her own man. She made me no im not welcome with her child. So I dnt like her to say the least. Today me and my boyfriend were going through old boxes from storage and he found pik or two of her n that jus set me into a bad mood n then seeing piks of his baby made me have an upset feeling and OH how I hated it . Why am I feeling like this I asked myself. Its not right I jus knew it wasnt right to feel dislike to a baby. So all day guilt ate @ me and me wanting it to had been me who had his child not her. N then it dawned on me. The problem isnt the sweet baby its her its my associating the baby to her and in turn made the bad feeling I have for her fall on the baby as well. Now the solution that could help me and maybe you is to associate the child to something positive. For now on when I see the baby(well not rly a baby hes 5) or a pik I will make myself think of only me my boyfriend and the baby having fun together somewhere NO matter what my feelings say I shuold feel. Ive done this before and it could take a long time but it is worth it and it will work you just have to make yourself do it. And as far as the ex goes instead of thinkin oofhim and her once being in a relationship 2gether iim gona replace those thoughts with thoughts of me and my boyfriend first dates or anything positive that involes me and him. Hope this helps. Please read the FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES. It could helps sooo much in all aspects of your life. Without reading that book I would be stuck and feeling guilty over nothing. Goodluck everyone

I'm in an odd situation and could really use some feedback. I'm sorry we are all experiencing similar pain. My story is a bit different. I met my boyfriend a year ago and was ok with him having a kid until I found out she was 18 and that he has had a vasectomy. I'm 35 and he's 39. I want kids and love him very much but it's really hard. I met her this last week and we went on a road trip as soon as she arrived. We went up to go snowboarding together. My boyfriend and I had an argument and I ended up yelling at him in front of her. I was told I couldn't stay in the same hotel room because his daughter felt uncomfortable. So, I forked out a couple hundred bucks to get my own room. They ganged up on me when I told his daughter what happens between her father and I was none of her concern. I've never felt so ostracized. The next day, I was "allowed" to snowboard with them and come back in our hotel room. Side note: he never married his daughter's mom. He knocked her up 3 weeks before going into the military and were only together a month. Talk about firsts! It was when he lost his virginity that she got pregnant. He didn't have much to do with her mother and seems to feel an enormous amount of guilt. He married another woman 5 years ago who had two teenage daughters about the same age as his daughter. He only sees his daughter on occasion. It was because of his last marriage that he decided to get a vasectomy. Now I'm stuck looking at this person who's a constant reminder of what I'll never have. He's made it clear that his daughter comes first. He doesn't need to rub it in my face though. I already know this. He tries to make me feel better by reminding me that I'm the mom of my 14 year old dog; however, my dog fell very ill on the road-trip. She's too heavy to lift to take to the emergency vet and my boyfriend took off with his daughter to visit her grandparents. He says I have a lot of baggage since I'm dealing with the death of my father and a string of other deaths in a short period of time. I think I'm dealing with the cards I've been dealt. These are things beyond my control. I wouldn't call them baggage. However, I'm supposed to carry his baggage, dealing with a grown child-his irresponsibility 19 years ago. I tried to bond with her by teaching her guitar and snowboarding, but he can't get passed the fact that I had the nerve to argue with him in front of her. I'm stuck here with my sick dog, who's like my daughter while they have family time with her grandparents, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews. He says I can't understand because I have no family left. It's a hard situation and I don't know what to do. I guess in response to you husband's comment of"wait till you have your own kids," does anyone have any suggestions when that's not even an option for me? I'm trying not to be jealous because I feel as though it's immature but I really think it's only natural to feel this way. Question is: how do I deal with it?

Please forgive my harshness, but your bf sounds like a real *******. From what you have described, you were accepting and loving toward his daughter and very open-minded given the odd circumstance. Its clear you love him and he loves you, but he seems to not be as accepting of traumas you've experienced. To berate you for a stupid argument is unfair,...it takes two to tango and his daughter is grown anyway and should understand. For him to say you don't understand because you don't have family left is very cruel and makes me wonder if he keeps you feeling inferior and guilty as a means of keeping you. I think you should leave him and find someone who is as understanding and loving as you are. Im sure you love him, so forgive me if you think Im out of line. He just seems very immature and selfish to me.

I have the same problem as well but I can say mine is much more difficult. My boyfriend and I is now in 2years relationship, I know from the very start that he has a child from his ex girlfriend (but she refers herself as ex wife). This ex accused me before that I was the reason why my boyfriend and her broken up which is not true because my boyfriend had 3 more relationships before me. She acts like a legal wife, she even texted me things like sex things when they were together and it is so disgusting, . At first, My boyfriend's family didn't like me because they wanted him back to his child's mother (his ex is really close to his family), there were time that his sister messaged me a hurtful message and that time I decided to broken up with him but he never agree to it (me breaking up with him) he even kneeled in front me to save our relationship and because I love him and I saw his sincerity love for me I came back to his arms again, he fought for me he even talked to his family to accept me and made them realized that he will not go back to his ex anymore not just because of me but she doesn't love her anymore. We are living together now and planning to get married by the end of this year, His family accepted me and I became close to them we're totally ok now. I haven't seen his child so far, everytime he tell stories about his child I feel miserable but I never showed it to him, I got jealous everytime the child are going to his parents' house thinking about my boyfriend might forget me, I always say that him having a child is ok to me and I accept it but deep inside my heart it is not totally ok to me, I hate the fact that he has a child and thinking our future having him in our lives, I know I am selfish but how can I surpass this feeling specially in the future. I also just found out that it is difficult for me to get pregnant because I'm experiencing an early menopausal at the age of 26, this made me feel more insecure and jealous, I am thinking to break up with my boyfriend and just stay single for life but how can I do that? I love him so much he his my life and my strength ,he told me that he will not leave me no matter what and he still wants to marry me despite of my health problem. I know his sincere and I know that he loves me so much but how can I get rid this insecurities when I know the fact that I may not be able to give the thing that his ex have.

I'm here if you wanna talk, I'm going through similar

I am in exactly the same situation. My husband has a child from a previous relationship. She didn't tell him she was coming off the pill and then didn't tell him she was pregnant until 5 months when he found out by finding a pregnancy test. He ended the relationship and is now not allowed to see his child although he is expected to pay for her. We are now expecting our first child and I can't get over the fact that he is not going through the 'firsts' with me. He was there at the birth first time round and my feelings are so strong about this I can't imagine giving birth with him there. It's destroying me, him and the joy that we should be feeling. Someone please help!

I'm here for you if you wanna talk, I go through similar jealousy issues. just message me

I was really hoping to find some instant fix for my similar problem. But, it seems we are all in the same boat and no one has an oar! My husband has a 7 year old son with his ex-wife. I do like his son a lot. We get along and play when he's here at our house and, albeit he is insanely spoiled to the point of "bratty-ness" sometimes, he's a very sweet, kind child. My husband and I are trying to get pregnant now and I'm hoping that will make me feel like more of a family. At times, it seems he has this life with his son (and AWFUL ex-wife) and I'm here on the sidelines. Our child won't be his first. All the excitements and firsts I will experience with our future child will just be repeats of a life he had before me. Like all of you, I admit the selfishness and destructiveness of my thoughts but how can we stop them? I do get so jealous of his child. Not because he loves his son but because he made a part of himself with another woman that is not me. Maybe that's why it's so hard. We all get jealous of ex-girlfriends/wives but when there is a kid involved we have a constant "in our face" reminder of their love, we have to stare (AND LOVE) this being that our husbands/boyfriends created with another woman! It's so unbearable sometimes. I find it even harder because his son looks and acts a lot like his ex-wife. I don't think I could ever love his child as if he was my own but I do a very good job of hiding all my negative feelings from the boy. He's only 7 and it's not his fault. But I do wish he belonged to someone else. I wish he still existed but wasn't my husband's son. I hate having to share the love of my life with another woman's child. It is also very hard knowing the permanence of it all. His son is 7 so we have, at the very least, 11 more years of contact with his horrible ex. But his son will always be here and I would never take that from my husband but for the rest of my life I will have this child who belongs to my husband and another woman in my house and in my life. Having your first child is so exciting and it will be very exciting for me. I wonder/fear that if the excitement and colors I see in this experience will be dulled to my husband because he's been there and done that. :(

I know EXACTLY how you feel and am currently going through it. It is so tough. I think having a baby will help you and I am thinking of having a baby with my girlfriend just so I can stop feeling so jealous. Please message me, we should be friends. I think if we talk it will normalize our jealousy feelings HOPEFULLY

I can relate in a way. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and some change, but I've never met his kids,
yet I feel jealous of the girl only. She sounds like a complete brat, but he acts like she can do no wrong. I have called him out on it, but it just turns into a fight. I want to be with him forever; well, as long as things are good, but I have up until now completely isolated myself from his kids because he has a daughter. I don't like little girls...I have zero desire to be around them. Not now and not in the future.

I am so glad I am not alone with these feelings! It is helpful for me to read other stories from people in the same situation! I wish I could tell you that it gets better...I have been with my husband for 11 years, and we have a 7 year old son together. He has a 14 year old daughter with another woman (whom he married for like 6 months, only because he knocked her up) he says he never loved her at all! We have a wonderful relationship except for the fact that I can't let go of the fact that I have a constant reminder of him having sex with another woman, and shared so many "firsts" with her! We actually did not see the child for about 8 or 9 years (which was fine by me!!!) but now the ex has divorced her second husband and has re entered the picture! While I do not dislike the daughter, and am fine with her coming around some, I can't stand the fact she has another mother!! Every time I look at her (daughter) I see the 2 of them having sex! It has become very difficult for me to have sex with my husband because I think about the ex. My husband's family includes her as their family, instead of inviting the daughter to his brothers little girls birthday party, they invite the ex as well. So it is very uncomfortable for me to even go around his family for family functions, knowing the she is still part of he family! I hate these feelings and truly wish that I could get past them and move on! Our relationship is likely to end in divorce also because of the effects of this! I'm so lost!

my fiancé and I have a 22 month old daughter together, I am 26 and have been in love with im since I was 18. he has 3 other daughters with 3 other mothers. it does hurt, the pain wont go away, If you dwell on it. you have to really think do you love genuinely this person to accept them with all of their flaws. have we not slept with anyone else in the past as well? I know ive had sex with well over three other people, so who am I to hold it against him just because he had sex with a girl who couldn't take the pill or lied whatever. otherswise you break up, divorce and on goes the cycle the next guy you get with will be hurt that you have a child with some one else and so on...we need to look past all of that and just love truly the partner we have been so blessed to find. He's my best friend my everything, he might have 3 other baby momma and a nice amount of child support, but everyday spent with him is a day I am so thankful for and if you don't feel that way you need to soul search and try to work on either yes breaking up or trying to let go and mature your feelings. what do I know. just 8 years in love through hell and back being homeless together in a car dead of winter. being best friends is so important and talking to each other. my man is no softy either, he is a quiet tough guy, but that's maybe why they need us to be so sweet and understanding to them. and those children, they just want love. every little kid wants and needs love.its and important part of a childs self esteem development. I think about his daughters and I worry that they will end up having multiple children with multiple men because they didn't have the proper amount of daddy love in their life. its a big picture with so much to it but if u just try to live in the moment and not the past... good lucky everyone. I know it hurts, it has hurt me so much... but why let bad feelings overcome you when your missing out on love and happieness ... enjoy the kids teach them be their friend, hes with YOU for a reason, be the woman he choose and not a girl who is just going to break his heart.

I cannot tell you how much I do the EXACT same thing. Except Im a guy. And everytime I think of my girlfriend having sex with another man it drives me crazy. And the guy is in her life IT SUCKS. I love her so much tho. If you see this, message me. Lets be friends and lets be there for each other cause I think it will help some normalcy into our lives to know we are not alone in these thoughts

I am totally feeling the same thing as you guys! I was feeling guilty I am glad I'm not alone! As someone else said I hate all the 'firsts' he experienced and has with this other woman and I desperately want to find a way to deal with these negative feelings as we are very well matched and plan a future together.

Though we have never argued about anything and I know it's not the child's fault and don't want him to suffer. I just want to find a way to deal with these negative feelings about him having a child with his ex. His parents and family love me and are fully supportive of me. So no issues there either. I just need to find a way to work through this too like the rest of you!!

I knew that there had to be other people that felt the same way as I do; and I'm very glad I found this site. I have a lot of the same experience/feelings as you guys. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. The first year we were together he still lived with his ex, so that their kid wouldn't have to live in two different houses. That was a really difficult year for me to get through. But since I already had gotten to know him through work, I was already madly in love with him. He's seriously the perfect match for me, expect for the fact that he has a 6 year old kid with his ex. It drives me crazy how jealous I can get at times, especially since I don't have any kids of my own. And as someone else had already mentioned, during that time of the month when my emotions are out of control, it becomes a real struggle for me. I find myself avoiding both him and the kid during that time because I just become so enraged and jealous and every other emotion. I hate that he has a kid that isn't mine. I can't stand the thought of all the parent firsts he went through with another women. I especially hate it when he says "Just wait till you have a kid of your own." It's hard for me to get excited with him over things that his kid does, or things he does for him. Most of the times I just don't care because I am too angry that it's not my kid. I completely understand how you guys feel about getting mad over how much money he spends on his kid. And whenever I'm busy doing something and the kid interrupts me, or he just is annoying me I not only get annoyed like any grown up would with a kid, but I get really pissy; probably because I have this deep resentment towards the kid. Even though I know that it's not his fault and that he's just a kid. I can't help the way I feel sometimes. And I've talked to my boyfriend about how I feel and he tries to be very supportive and comforting, but I just know he will never truly understand how I feel. Which is why I'm so glad I found some people that do. And I greatly appreciate the advice you guys have been giving, it will be very helpful in the future. Because I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I also know I will probably always feel the way I do about him already having a kid. Having a support group (if you will) and some helpful ways to change my thinking will be really helpful in the future.

I am in the same situation and Im finding it so hard that I'm starting to feel depressed and as selfish as its sounds I wish the kid never existed or that I just wish I never got with my boyfriend and I need support on how to get through this, he tries to help me but he doesn't understand it in the way that in seeing it :(

I am currently in the same position. I was with someone back and high school and during out 5 years apart we went about our own lives. He got married and had a daughter. We recently reconnected and have been together for 3 months and with him comes his 3 year old daughter. I love her to death and accepted her right off the bat, but now, it's getting tough. As he discussing visitation with his ex via email I get so mad. Mad that she exists and that he had a kid with someone else. I'm jealous, yes. It hurts to see her because seeing her reminds me that he once loved someone as much as he did me. I understand what you are going through. When she's a brat I can't stand to even be around her; makes me think how someone could allow a kid to have a tantrum like she has. I still love her but it's getting harder to see her without having a breakdown. My boyfriend recently said he can tell I don't like her and that kills even more. I love her but I don't think he quite understands the emotional toll it takes on you to raise someone else's child. That child is a constant reminder for me of what went wrong in the past and a constant reminder that another woman once existed. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but I think until you have kids of your own you're going to have a hard time accepting his kids. Which is exactly why I am having a hard time. Best of luck!

I'm in the same situation and would really like to relate with someone who understands where I'm coming from x

I've read these sorts of posts a lot. I have needed it to just know that I am not alone. I once would read them to find answers, but I realize there aren't any easy solutions to these sorts of challenges. I am with a man who nearly 10 years older than me and has a 7 year old son with his ex wife. He and I have had an extremely rocky past. He was once pretty terrible to me, but I suppose i've been terrible to people in my life before as well, so I understand that it's hard to make the right choices sometimes. We have gotten past our bad times together and it's been over a year now. I moved with him across the country so he could be closer to his son. Sometimes I feel like saying "so we could be closer to his ex wife and son" but i know i'm just saying that to be mean. I am jealous. I do like his son, he's an ok kid. Kids are annoying, they whine and cry and don't make sense. But that's usually how all kids are, so I can't blame him. Like I said, I like the kid. I don't even mind his ex... She won't change her last name and she has to communicate with my boyfriend for their son, which i hate...but i understand that too. I get that being a divorced parent is hard. I know there is no way to pretend they don't exist or to get rid of them. My boyfriend is good to me and that is all that should matter. He puts up with my feeling bad, he tries to make me feel important, we work on things and that makes it better. I think what really tears me up is just that.. I feel like the story I wanted for my life is not going the way I had anticipated. I have been in long great relationships before, but they didn't work out because the relationship fizzled out. Perhaps on a subconscious level I love the challenge or being with a person with a kid because it gives us something to talk about, something to work on. It's not easy but maybe that is what makes it interesting. I'm not sure what to say anymore... It's as simple as ' I don't like that he has a child with another woman'. But as i mentioned before, i understand the other woman's perspective and I like his kid. It's just pointless drama, nothing is life is easy. If it wasn't this it would probably be something else. At the end of the day he support me, he loves me, he wants the same things I want, he doesn't like that he has to communicate with his ex either, he wishes his son with her was his son with me, but you cannot change the past so work with it and move forward as positively as you can. For everyone out there looking for what to do, my advice would be this ***** Ask him questions, Don't settle! Remember that nothing is perfect, you might be with someone boring, someone who is unfaithful, someone who you're not crazy about, someone who doesn't have a lot to offer, then list goes on. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMETHING. BUT...don't settle either!!!! My boyfriends problems drive me a little crazy, but I'm still crazy about him. Know your worth. Everyone deserves to be with someone that makes them feel something great, something wonderful. When my boyfriend and I are good, we are unstoppable. We want to travel the world and kick *** together! When we are bad, i'm just a whiny dumb girl sad about something no one can change. But you deserve to at least feel like somebody's number 1. WHY YOU ASK? Because... You are going to be the person to spend your ENTIRE life with that other person. You will be there when they are sick, you will take care of them when they are old, and eventually you'll grow and and worry about passing away...together... it's scary. life is a journey. the person who decides to take that journey with you should be the most important. My boyfriend knows I feel this way and he has assured me that I am his number 1. His son has his love too. He is a great father. Which i'm happy about. Because that means he's a good person and he will be a great father to our children too. He's dedicated and perseveres. Writing all this down is making me proud of him and our relationship! I was here being all mopey and sad again and when I stop and defend him for a minute, I realize how lucky and amazing he is! We should all do that. ok.. here is the to do list. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. DONT SETTLE. MAKE SURE HE KNOWS YOUR NEEDS. GIVE HIM TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT. and once all that has happened and he is trying! TAKE TIME TO DEFEND HIM TO YOURSELF. :D that was a long rant. most of it probably sounded silly or repetitive. but I feel better now. I hope ya'll do too. :)

I just married my guy but did the feelings go away? No and my guy has 2 kids one 11 one 2 the 11 is cool I have negative feelings surrounding the 2 year old because my guy couldn't figure out if he liked me more than his ex. I have moved across states to be with this guy and have gone so far as to marry him but I still can't get over it he didn't get a DNA test but signed the birth certificate cut the cord everything like they were a couple when she got pregnant. Whenever the 2 year old comes over I wish I was anywhere but with them. Its a huge hurdle for me and I'm thinking I'd make a pretty hot divorcée. I don't have kids

Really would love if you shared with me how it went after all

OMG! Thank you for posting this! I know I'm very late, but I'm having the exact same issue with my boyfriend and we've only been together for a couple of months. I'm scared that I will still feel this way or worse when we get further down the road. I can't help but feel like she's given him something that I haven't, and I think about if we were to get married and I gave him a son would that make things better, but I don't want to do that and still end up feeling the same way I do now. Are you guys still together? Did you guys have children of your own? If so, did it help any?

Hi! I see I am late on this, but I am new to the site. I have the same exact problem, me and my fiance have been together a little over a year (I know it's not that long, but we are in love) and he has an 8 year old. We now have a 4 month old, and I will tell you that it does not help things. The only thing it helps with is not being lonely anymore when my fiance and his son go spend time together.

I find myself feeling the same way at times. I have children of my own and was a single parent for years but I had never dated anyone with kids of their own. I've been with my partner for 2 years. I find myself jealous when they are around although I love his kids so much and they are beautiful and perfect, when I think about his ex , their mother, I feel gut wrenching jealousy. It refletlcts on my step children and I can't stand myself when I feel that way. Why does this happen? She is a headache and constantly seeks sympathy from people because he's not with her. She drove him a way! I guess I feel she still loves him and when my step kids are home with us I kind of feel jealousy towards them. I want this feeling to stop.

Hello agv81,
I know how you feel, I've now been with my spouse for quite some time since writing this blog. The way I used to feel still comes back sometimes, but overall it's gone. I'm not a mother so I was always hoping for a change in the way I feel about them when I have my own children. I've learned from these responses, and friends that our own child will never change the way I feel about my step children. I realized I had to look at this from a different light. For many years I've tortured my spouse verbally because I felt the need for him to change the way I felt about his kids, and basically didn't want them around anymore.... It's all changed now. I went to step mother classes once a month with a Dr. who'd sit there and help us cope with being stepmoms... That only helped for so long. What I did realize is most of my friends with a step mothers hated them. Absolutely couldn't stand them and that hurt me... How am I going to treat an innocent child like they shouldn't be around?!? Would I want someone to treat me this way as a child? How would I feel if my child had a step mother who made them feel unwanted and only chose the father and not the kids? I felt horrible and sometimes those thoughts come back, but let me tell you something. Its' hard, I still cry sometimes about it. I realized I couldn't keep hurting my spouse, I have to love those kids like their mine but so much to where I feel like I need to control anything. I used to want to control everything because in reality it's the one thing I realistically CAN'T control. I started micro-managing my thoughts. Every time I feel this way I tell myself I needed my dad, they need their dad. He needs them too it's a piece of him that has absolutely nothing to do with the mother of those children. It has everything to do with a parents responsibility to raise their children. I now feel its actually harder for the kids and him, than it is for me. What I've accomplished by micro-managing my thoughts is me winning. I've won! Why? I know your wondering, but it's because I let it be. If it doesn't affect my pockets I'm not going to let it effect my emotions... That's what I have to tell myself. When it comes to the kids being all lovey with him I just tell myself their kids, they need love too and the love I get from him vs. them is much greater in a different sense. I'm his woman, not them so I need to be by his side to assist him in raising them, not bicker to him about them to make it harder for him. At the end of the day WE make the decisions about THEM together so instead of me whining about it I help him raise them. It's a lot easier said than done and trust me I've tried everything possible to help myself, because the only one hurting at the end of the day by this is me. He chose to have me around his children, he chose me. If he wanted her he wouldn't be here. He would be with his kids and their mother but he didn't choose that, he chose you.
I really hope I could help, I mean I'm always seeking new ways to still cope with it on a daily basis but all I can do is control myself. A great book that helped me was "7 Habits of highly effective people." It taught me to look at the end result of that I want instead of irrationally thinking. Which has helped me with the kids. Instead of bickering about something I'm proactive and by the problem solver, not the problem starter.
Try not to think about their mother, that's our largest battle. When those thoughts come pull out your confident card and tell yourself you're better for HIM. He's with you because he wants YOU. I'm happy you like his kids, that's really great so you don't have much to work on compared to some others. Remember he's not with her because of the way she is. My baby mothers situation is the same in that aspect. She always wants sympathy and she did it for years, well about up to 3 years but the day he stops paying attention to it and feeding into it is the day she stops. That stopped when I stopped nagging him about her. Now I just say ok to things, keep my mouth shut and agree with him she's wrong and remind him why he's not with her and why he's with me. He doesn't want the drama from her and the more you're on his side the less he'll pay attention to her. It worked for me, I can only tell you what I've done lol. Who cares if she still loves him because her love isn't anything compared to what you give him or he would be there right? I look at these blogs constantly to help me. I read them and it makes me feel better. I've always attempted to respond but you're my first response. Sorry if it's scattered I wanted to write it, and post it instead of always deleting it. Happy Holidays! xo

I'm glad I read your post.. Idk if it helps but I think I loved the big idea of it all

It would be so helpful if you could private message me and would help me get through some stuff that I am feeling with my boyfriend and his daughter and ex please xx

Thank you, your insights have been very helpful to me :) x

1 More Response

I am happy to each of the women that responded here have found there dream guys. I believe I have found mine too. I literally dreamed him up and while in my past relationship, I envisioned the man I should truly be with him and I am with him. We like so many of the same things and enjoy time together even when we aren't doing anything. I love him. What bother me is that. I get jealous when he talks on the phone to his children, he smiles so wide and jokes with them and the conversation is so light and happy. When he does things for them, I also get jealous. I feel so guilty and I try to reason with myself so I don't feel these negative feelings but it works to no avail. We have spoke about our childhoods and talk about how we will raise the kids we have together. I feel a mix of feelings. I feel jealous that I have never had a good relationship with my parents. We can't talk on the phone with my mother insulting me and with my father we have nothing to talk about on the phone. Now, with the holidays coming up. He asked me what do I want for Christmas and I hate to tell him because I know he has to buy gifts for his kids. He spoils them with is great but I wonder will he feel the same about our kids if we have kids together. I know I am not a burden but with his kids and I all sometimes I feel that way. I feel sometimes it would be simpler if he didn't have kids, he wouldn't have to leave this Christmas to spend it with his kids and mother in another state. I was hoping to read something to make me get over this feeling but know I just have confirmation I am not the only one. I guess I feel more comfortable with the feeling. I sometimes wish I wasn't so emotonal.

Hello annaleegeorgiabelle ,
I'm really sorry to hear this is how you feel, I know it's so hard on a daily basis. I really feel that the reason he smiles at his kids and spoils them is because of course as a parent you're always happy about what accomplishments they make, especially when they're growing. Kids needs to know their dad is happy to speak with them. I know you don't have a good relationship with your parents but just be proactive and work on your own relationship for these kids, and the kids you'll have one day. I feel the same way, trust me. I feel like all of his money goes to them but hey there's nothing I can do. I do feel that when you have your own kids it's going to be a much greater love from him to your child. He will raise that child everyday, he will spoil that child. He will love you for being so good to not only his kids with another person, but for making it one big happy family. That's going to be what he needs from you if you want to have a happy life together. It's harder when it's that time of the month too. I sometimes fail at my own advice.
I know how you feel, I've now been with my spouse for quite some time since writing this blog. The way I used to feel still comes back sometimes, but overall it's gone. I'm not a mother so I was always hoping for a change in the way I feel about them when I have my own children. I've learned from these responses, and friends that our own child will never change the way I feel about my step children. I realized I had to look at this from a different light. For many years I've tortured my spouse verbally because I felt the need for him to change the way I felt about his kids, and basically didn't want them around anymore.... It's all changed now. I went to step mother classes once a month with a Dr. who'd sit there and help us cope with being stepmoms... That only helped for so long. What I did realize is most of my friends with a step mothers hated them. Absolutely couldn't stand them and that hurt me... How am I going to treat an innocent child like they shouldn't be around?!? Would I want someone to treat me this way as a child? How would I feel if my child had a step mother who made them feel unwanted and only chose the father and not the kids? I felt horrible and sometimes those thoughts come back, but let me tell you something. Its' hard, I still cry sometimes about it. I realized I couldn't keep hurting my spouse, I have to love those kids like their mine but so much to where I feel like I need to control anything. I used to want to control everything because in reality it's the one thing I realistically CAN'T control. I started micro-managing my thoughts. Every time I feel this way I tell myself I needed my dad, they need their dad. He needs them too it's a piece of him that has absolutely nothing to do with the mother of those children. It has everything to do with a parents responsibility to raise their children. I now feel its actually harder for the kids and him, than it is for me. What I've accomplished by micro-managing my thoughts is me winning. I've won! Why? I know your wondering, but it's because I let it be. If it doesn't affect my pockets I'm not going to let it effect my emotions... That's what I have to tell myself. When it comes to the kids being all lovey with him I just tell myself their kids, they need love too and the love I get from him vs. them is much greater in a different sense. I'm his woman, not them so I need to be by his side to assist him in raising them, not bicker to him about them to make it harder for him. At the end of the day WE make the decisions about THEM together so instead of me whining about it I help him raise them. It's a lot easier said than done and trust me I've tried everything possible to help myself, because the only one hurting at the end of the day by this is me. He chose to have me around his children, he chose me. If he wanted her he wouldn't be here. He would be with his kids and their mother but he didn't choose that, he chose you.
I really hope I could help, I mean I'm always seeking new ways to still cope with it on a daily basis but all I can do is control myself. A great book that helped me was "7 Habits of highly effective people." It taught me to look at the end result of that I want instead of irrationally thinking. Which has helped me with the kids. Instead of bickering about something I'm proactive and by the problem solver, not the problem starter.
Try not to think about their mother, that's our largest battle. When those thoughts come pull out your confident card and tell yourself you're better for HIM. He's with you because he wants YOU.

I know I'm a year late but I feel this way I always say what if he doesn't spend the same money or time on our kids as he does with his daughter with someone else and what if his first kid will be his favourite especially as he wont see her as much as our own as we would be living together, these thoughts never clear my mind and its making me never want kids with him but I do want kids in the future, I have anxiety and need as much advice and reassurance as possible, please tell me how you are getting on now a year later? Has it got better? Do you have kids of your own yet? X

So happy im not alone either. My boyfriens and I been together almost two years. He's talking about marriage constantly, but the thing that gets to me is he had a life before me. He has four kids from a previous marriage. I have love for his kids but im not in love with them either. What's worst is that they r not like regular kids. They have adhd, learning disabilities, been exposed to who knows what under the "supervision" of their mom which is no supervision. When his daughters come over it grinds my gears. I look for so many excuses for them not to. They are always filthy...which isnt their fault. I blame the mom and him for not checking her.... Just last year his kids mom kicked their 11 year old son out...11 YEAR OLD SON. AND GUESS WHERE HE ENDED UP. LIVING WITH US. Now he is puttin all of this pressure on me to pick up her slack by mentslly, physically, and emotionally being their for his kids when all I want is him. His son went through my phone and sent a text to one of my bf friends askin if he wanted to have sex as if it was me. Luckily I saw it and bought it to mybfs attention. He tried to drive his dads car and completely slammed it into the back of my car. I fraud all the time like im ready to take on this role but in all reality I am not. He is 35. I am 24. I do have a two year old son whom he has accepted. But I think him accepting a 2 year old is easier then me accepting 4 disrupted children. Idk what to do?

I am so glad I am not alone, I'm 21 years old and my boyfriend has a 2 year old girl. We started dating when I was 16 but split after 6 months this is when he had the 'accident' I had never been in the situ tion before but after a couple of months we got back together I do regret it now even though he means the world to me because there has been so many fights and arguments me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 years and things havent got any better im not aallowed in his house (still lives at home) when his daughter is there and his parents ask me to leave and because I live an hour away from him I find myself walking the streets until he finishes work because I had no where to go had to phone thw police on his ex and her mum for harassment but I love him and dont no what to do. I think I all ready no the answer other wise I wouldnt be writing in here but it's nice to talk to someone who understands

I know this is super late, but if you don't mind me asking, where are you now? This is my exact situation. We met, we liked each other but we never got serious, I moved on, he had a kid, and then two years later begged me for a chance. Now we have a baby, and while I love his little girl I just can't kick my horrible feelings about the situation...

hey, am wondering how things ended up going? Am in a similar situation but ended up having a child with him 2 months ago...still waiting for those feelings to change. If anything its just gotten worse because now ive already had my first child with someone and would be a complete hypocrite in a new relationship now.Youre not a bad person by the way. It's brave to be that honest. For me i keep thinking those feelings are stemming from issues in my own life, but either way, they are there regardless, right or wrong. Its good that you are/were considering these things. They are huge and hard decisions to make. i hope you were able to discuss these things with him, made the right choices and are at peace with them.

First I would like to thank you for this article and the people who commented. I feel this article/comments are real, people being honest about their feelings in a constructive manner. I needed to see this because I feel torn about my emotions that I can not seem to shed. I too find myself in a relationship with a man that has 5 children. Well, 3 are his biological children with his ex-wife and 2 are children he adopted when he married his wife (who is now his ex-wife.) He took on 2 children that were not his children, It makes him a wonderful person. However, I won't just get 2 but 5 if I marry him. I go between feelings jealousy to maybe I am being selfish...Well, He lives in England and I live in the USA. I would have to move there to be with him until his 8 year old grows. His and my personalities just click, right away, I knew him and we could get along fine. It is hard to find someone who you feel just clicks with you. However, I can't get past the jealously and neglect I feel because of the time he gives all of his children. We seldom finish a conversation because often times he goes somewhere with his kids. He is a good father, though I feel he spoils them too much....I don't have children and maybe I want one child but I feel 6 would be way to many. I have tried and prayed to get rid of my jealousy for his children. I don't hate them and I am glad they have a father that loves them. I am just being realistic, if we marry, what if I just can't get over the negative feelings? Maybe it would be better if I just ended this now to spare a possible bad situation but it is just hard when you find that person that you love and click with...I believe this: there an proper order; God, spouse, children, parents, extended family, brothers and sisters in Christ, and then the rest of the world. But I wonder for me if the writing is on the wall...I simply want the writing to say, "He will spend more time with you and make you his priority if you become his wife." But there deep down inside, I believe I know what the writing really says, "You can not force someone to change, if it was that way before marriage it will stay that way and worse inside the marriage."

I've only been living with my boyfriend for a year and he has 4 children with 3 women. I feel the same way. I care for the kids, but sometimes when he is hugging me or being affectionate with me they want to get close to him and that infuriates me to the max. I understand he's their dad, but I need my own time with him as well. The only thing that has worked for us so far is that we set aside time for him and I alone. That has calmed down my jealousy a bit yet in the back of my mind when I see his kids I see their mothers as well. I hope that with time this gets better. I started reading this book The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife: Becoming A Stepmother With Humor And Grace by Sally Bjornsen. Its helped me a lot. Mainly to understand that feeling a certain way is normal but I can feel better about the situation. I've tried splitting up from my boyfriend thinking that would make me feel better but after almost a month I was missing him and the little brats lol. As much as I got jealous I missed their craziness and they attention and love. Its complicated thats all I can say.

I'm in the same situation. My boyfriend has 3 kids with 2 different women..(he has twin girls;all his kids are girls). When they come around we get along fine although inside I'm boiling mad that these kids have to come around for daddy dearest. I have no kids, and I constantly keep thinking how he had these kids with other women (I wasn't around at the time they were made lol), and it drives me nuts. One of his daughters who is 10 wrote 3 cheers for daddy that she wanted to act out and show him so I sat there while she did her Daddy Cheers and semi smiled, but inside I wanted to tell her to sit her *** down lol. They're really nice kids, but I really can't accept the fact that my boyfriend has to share his love with them. I know its wrong but hey thats why we're here right? I would never hurt those kids so my annoyance is not on that level, but I get really annoyed and cringe inside when she cuddles up with him. I'm used to coming first, and I don't like having to share my time with him with them. I love him so much, but its hard for me to accept this. I talk to him about this all the time. I really don't think my feelings are going to change. I guess I should leave him but its hard.

I know exactly how you feel. The other night his kid and I were sitting on the couch and he went back and forth giving each of us kisses on the head and I just got so mad and jealous that I had to share his love that I had to get up and walk into another room. I don't know what to do about it either. It really sucks.

I can relate to you my bf of 2yrs has 6 kids by 4 different women when we first go together I didn know about these kids but once I did I thought I could handle it but lately especially when they come over sometimes I get so irritated with them and they moms I've been contiplaying leaving only reason I haven't is because I don't wana move back in with my parents til I save up to get another place I've invested time and lots of money in to our lifestyle now and these pesky kids i just don't know what to do

I feel the exact same way mush of the time. I just posted my story about this. Don't feel like you are the only one. I feel awful almost every day because of this and it is exceptionally hard when your boyfriend is such a wonderful, caring, and giving person. I don't know how to get rid of the feeling yet either...and I've had it for 2 years. But know that you are not alone and although you feel horrible, YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON. I have to remind myself this often. God has a plan and somehow, we will get through.

I know we will get through this! We have to be strong

..Hi, Yeribeth!<br />
How you feel is okay, even normal. how well you understand your feelings about the issue and how you relate them to your other half will make the most difference; its a make it or brake deal.<br />
You may feel like there is a part of you that's cut off from him; a life that you missed out on and you can't relate to. This is a good reason to feel jealous, but it isn't okay to act on it. Your job isn't by default to be "like" their mother, or "another" mother, it is simply to be his partner and accept hi past. Remember, you are in his future....let it flow and care for them, merely for who they are; children.<br />
<br />
fyi; experience doesn't lie :)

jcrzurc, I don't necessarily agree with what you are saying. I'm sure your girlfriend (or ex) were to tell the story, it would go a little different. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you have to bend over backwards and bleed yourself dry for their children. When someone finds a significant other, the health of that relationship needs to come above all others. When my husband chose to marry me, I feel that this meant that me and my household come first. I feel that in order for our marriage to be a happy marriage, it means he will have to compromise. It doesn't mean everyone in my household should have to sacrifice all of our personal time for his child. Relationships are about give and take. Sometimes one person has the wrong idea of what giving actually means. It doesn't mean making things up to someone. It involves recognizing and acknowledging their feeling and needs first. But it doesn't stop there. I think women tend to become resentful when it has to be all the mans way, and she should accept it and deal with it. That is not what relationships are supposed to be about. Your children are yours, not hers. They never were and never will be hers. So there are boundaries that need to be established. IF the man or woman doesn't treat their own relationship as priority over their children and most important, chances are it will not work.

maddormat,
Your post is absolutely HONEST AND TRUE. I appreciate great advice and my feelimgs are mutual....You are completely right...some days i feel as if im going crayz because i cant help but get upset when i think about how he never makes me feel as important as his daughter is and i make sacrafices to help him and for her as well. i have been there since day 1 and do not get credit all he has to say is, she's KID and im jealous of the attention he giver her isntead of him including me he makes me feel like an outcast, i dont want to have to accept it and deal with this issue when it comes to his daughter, i need love and attention just as much as she does. he NEVER recognizes my feelings about it and always makes me feel bad when i say something. it seems im never as important to him as his daughter will always be, im so sick of feeling this way, im tired of it

i am a single father of two. ive fought for six years to give my children a better life their mother is a drug addict and has never been involved.they dont even know what she looks like.i have a daughter who this effects to the point that she shows it. and son that bottles it.i met a wonderful women who accepted us and treated the kids as her own.but as time went by started treating my daughter worse and making me feel like hugging and loving my 6yr old was always in an inappropriate way.i understand she may feel jealous but its not fair.i love her and i have two kids that deserve to grow up feeling loved as well.the biggest thing to understand is that your husband or BF may hug,love pick his little girl up sit her on his lap and play and laugh with her is innocent and its ok to hug and play..and believe me in a very innocent not child molesting way.but those aren't hugs and kisses taken away from you because their given to them.and the feeling he (husband/BF) has isn't the same that he has when its you in his arms its not. he doesn't love them more or less just different..the actions may seem very similar to those given to you but their actually each very unique.completely different emotions two separate types of love..nothing to be jealous of or hate over but something that should be looked at and appreciated.it should remind you of how good it felt to be hugged by your own dad when you were little.these children shouldn't be robbed of those memories,because of an adults insecurity.this bothers me to the core because now my kids love her to death and my daughter is so attached to her because she actually had someone to call mom but now she decides she cant be with me because she cant handle me loving anyone but her.its not natural or normal.these are insecurities that should be looked into.because a lot of you have the same feeling towards children doesn't all of sudden mean what you feel must be right.its very sad

Mike,
i really really do like your post, i can relate to these womens stories and to hear it from a mans point of a view when the shoe is on the other foot it really makes me think. But there's something you just wont ever understand about us women...a lot of us just want it to be us...and as you can see we like the kids, it's just that bnd that you share with your kids who isnt ours we feel left out, not included it's not an insecurity, we just know deep down inside that you will always chose your "kids" over us and that will always bother us women especially if the kids have a different mom. Everytime i see my boyfriend with his daughter cuddled up i cringe, i', happy he shows his daughter affection but i want him to tell her im just as important and show me attention when she is around....i know she's a child...and the children are innocent but the adults have to tale responsibility for their actions im on the verge of leaving my boyfriend because i think it sometimes may be over the top with affection to the child, it;s to dramatic and im done with it.

I have that same problem me Nd my boyfriend have been together almost a year and i feel the same way all of you ladies do the exact same way! And i think the only way it will help me is if i had a child but his kids there nice kids but there kinda rude and my boyfriend doesnt disciplin his kids and its rediculous i juzt dont know what to do i love him but its like i cant feel the same way about his kids every other friday we get them i dread it so bad and his oldest is 6 and he has to sleep with her otherwise she gets up and makes him sleep with her and his youngest is mean and he is 2 but i want a baby so bad but he already has 2 kids it seems like im stuck between a rock and a hard place i just dont know but i have the feelings that all of you ladies do and i feel horrible and i keep thinking that god is going to fix it but i still have those feelings

I have the same situation. But I'm not just jealous over the kids, but of course the ex-wife and everything she got. Beautiful house, 2 kids, boobs, the works....Im just now (after 3 years), getting a divorce. Not only that, but I financially support him with everything...he went through bankruptcy before he met me, this is the end result. Not that I mind to help at all, its just rubbing salt in the wound. He adores his 2 children, both older, we live several hours away, so he doesnt get to see them as much as he would like. But I know of course they come first, he gives them money for things all the time, not a lot what he can, but never gives me a dime for bills or anything. I told him one day during an argument that I love his kids but hate the way they came into this world and went on to say many hateful things about his exwife, to which he got all defensive about, say his ex is a good person why do I hate her much yadda yadda yadda...SHE cheated on him, idk why he defends her...he said he was trying to make his marriage work why they had the second child...and they were married for TWENTY years mind you, while Im much younger than he and never married. Im just going crazy with this incredibly strong growing feeling of jealousy...we actually broke up briefly, but he went crazy trying to get me back , so now I want to work things out (I think lol) I do love him ...but I want a life with him, things I cant get...he doesnt really sound keen on the idea of us having a child , but does want to get married.....uuugh I just cant take this mental tortue Im going through...

Thank you for pointing this out and I think it's really helpful to understand this perspective.
I managed to overcome this issue and it doesn't bother me anymore that my bf hugs his daughter.
What bothers me is that whenever his kid is around, he just doesn't see me anymore. He is usually very caring and loving but when we are with his daughter, he just cares about her. He doesn't want to be close to me even when she is not in the room.
I just don't think it's normal not to love your gf just because you feel guilty that will hurt your daughter.
And even when I pointed out that I feel lonely, he still couldn't change that. We are now at the point when I can't take it anymore and thinking of leaving.

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