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I Can't Take This Anymore.

I don't even know what to say. I can't even believe I found a site like this online, or what made me search for it on google.

I've been dating my boyfriend since about April, but we've known each other for years. We moved in together in late August, and then here I am in October, vastly unhappy.

My problem is his daughter. Don't get me wrong; I knew before I moved in with him that he had a daughter, and she was going to be living with us, but I had such a different idea of what things were going to be. The baby's mother (she's about 18 months, I think), is pretty much a useless sack of crap. She's always claiming some illness, mental, physical, some excuse to why she can't take care of/see her daughter, so basically she spends every single freakin' second with us.

The only reason I moved in with my boyfriend is because I thought she was going to be helping. I didn't know that I was going to be like a caged animal, that could never go out, never have a life, because we:

A) Can't find a babysitter.
B) I don't feel comfortable taking her out in public because all she does is sit there and cry.

She is too old to be acting the way that she does, and I'm at my wit's end because he refuses to discipline her. He's a pushover when it comes to it, and he lets her do basically whatever she wants. We went out to get ice cream yesterday, and I just sort of had this revelation while watching him move her hand away from our ice cream bowls about 500 times. Instead of telling her to stop, or forcefully moving her hand, or SOMETHING, he just kept moving her hand. I'm sure she thought it was some kind of game or something.

I wish all the time that his ex, the baby's mother was normal, and would take care of her, like any other mother in her situation, because I wish that she didn't live with us. I don't like her, I don't like what she does to our relationship. She adds strain where there doesn't need to be any. She cries constantly, throws tantrums, and gives me headaches. She takes attention away from where we really need it right now, as our relationship is not doing that great. We can never go out, and talk. We can never do anything that doesn't involve chasing around a spoiled 18-19 month old.

When I first met him, and we first started dating, the baby's grandmother kept her 6 nights out of the week, due to my boyfriends crazy work schedule. I miss that. I miss just being able to hang out with him. I mean, on a good day, at best, I TOLERATE his daughter.

I wish all the time that I would have met someone who didn't have a kid. I could have started fresh with someone, and made our own family. I wish that she, at the very least, didn't live with us.

Why did I have to fall in love with someone with such an obvious huge cart of baggage?! How did I think this would be easy?! Why did I ever move in with him?

My problem was that I just tried to ignore that he had her. I didn't think about her, didn't interact with her, and just waited for the nights that we didnt have her, so we could act like any other couple in their 20's. I mean, I'm 21! I want to go out! I want to have a good time! I don't want to corral some child I can barely stand to be in the same room with, that's not even my kid, just because the mom is a deadbeat.  I mean, I am growing to have a horrible amount of resentment for her, and what she's doing to me, and our relationship.

I read someone's post a little bit up, about wondering why she couldn't sell the kid on Ebay. I feel like that too, alot. I wish that something would happen, like, we could just sell her, or give her away, or give her up for adoption, or something, and I could go back to having a normal young relationship, and a normal young life.

I don't know if my relationship is going to make it through this. She's ruining it. Or I'm ruining it, by not liking/being jealous of her.

Someone please tell me this doesn't make me a horrible person.

:(

Sorry this is so long, and also, I think I accidentally changed the group logo, but I have no idea how I did that, so sorry for that too.

crystallineshadow crystallineshadow 18-21 6 Responses Oct 20, 2008

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I wish i could just like make my boyfriends kid disappear forever or the mom would just take him completely away from my boyfriends i cant stand it

hi!! Patience, only one word to suggest. Eventually with the years, the situation might change! You can educate her if that is what you want. <br />
If you are not ready or feel this is not for you.. run away

You feel what you feel its not right or wrong...it just is what it is...but I guess its a choice you have to make at some point to commit to the child or move on cause she aint going anywhere as much as you wish. Having a 22 month of my own I just want to add that the 19mnth old is acting like any 19 month old and is just a baby. She really needs a Mum by the sounds of it. Anyway dont feel bad its really really hard I KNOW but you are so young and I can understand you just wanting to hang out and go out like everyone else your own age and you want to do it with the man you love...but he has a bub and made his bed. You can read my story on here and it will show you Im just another one thats dealing with jealousy...goodluck and dont feel bad just try and work out ...is this what you want?

I would feel the same, i do actually, my BF has a spoiled rotten 5 year old. He gets away with everything, I tolerate him at best, just like you..when we go in public he is so hyper its embarrassing, my boyfriend does nothing to stop him from bothering people while they are trying to eat dinner etc... im at my end with this.

If you are only 21, I believe that you need to get out there and find someone that doesnt have this baggage...you are young enough to be able to play the field....think about what resentment you are building up towards that kid, your boyfriend and towards your own life...

yeah, i have 5 kids of my own, who are probably jealous of my bf, we have only been together 3 stressful months, i think he has 5 adult kids, some of them show up, and i think one or two of them just **** with me or try to mess with him, he will hand them the shirt off of his back because of his past guilt, while we sit here and struggle, i dont mind him helping his adult children, but when it is coming out of my pocket, and they abuse the kindness of their dad and me, i get so pissed that i cannot even see straight...me too, almost wish i didnt have kids or him sometimes, but we do and we gotta deal with it the best we can.